27 thoughts on “You Made Me Commit Suicide Because You Outed Me. Happy Now?”

1. I saw this post Tuesday morning but it’s been a long, intense day so I couldn’t comment earlier as much as I wanted to say something.

   As I’ve said any number of times, messy queens are bad news and outing people is foul, unless those being outted are publicly condemning gays — like preachers and politicians — while secretly doing what they’re condemning.

   The fear and pain being reflected in so many of the comments here remind me of my own journey. I understand. Some of you may live in small towns or in situations, such as being still at home or dependent on mom and dad for tuition, etc. My roommate freshman year was cut off financially by his father for making a “D” in one of his subjects.

   But, it can and does get better. I will never push anyone to come out; it’s an individual decision each one will have to make in his own time whether or not he ever chooses to do so. I will share this: I was every bit as fearful as many of you about what reactions would be from family and others if my “secret” were to become known. I can also tell you that each step along my journey was like another ton was lifted from my shoulders. I, literally, felt as though I could breathe more easily.

   I’m sure many on here have all sorts of talent and skills. Guess what? Your straight family members and straight associates are not expending any energy wondering what you or others are thinking about them. They are focusing on whatever they are doing and enjoying their lives. Once you are grown, earning your own money, have your own abode and are paying your own bills, you are in a better position to determine if you’re going to allow others to hold something over your head.

   Life is too unpredictable and can be too short not to live it fully. Those people in DC who went to work at the Navy Yard last week had no idea it would be their last day on earth. Those people at the shopping mall in Kenya were not expecting to get shot down nor were the people at that playground in Chicago.

2. Well. Suicide is a very passive aggressive act. It would hurt those close to one more than actually escaping the problem. My ex outed me as a “payback” for breaking up with his crazy ass. He threatened me before by saying if I left him he would out me to family and ex girlfriends. So I stayed. Then he held it over my head in order to control me and verbally abuse me. Finally I left his drunk ass. And he did out me. Job. Exes. I had to get an order of protection. No suicidal thoughts, but I was sick, depressed, drinking way too much, always nervous. He wrote an email to me almost two years later, not apologizing, but to tell me why it was my own fault. I’m still not fully over it, but I wont play the scorned. He looks a drunk mess now anyway.

3. I’m out. Always perceived as straight though. Masculine men are going to be invisible no matter what. It’s whatever.
   I’m not killing myself for anything. There is so much to look forward. People who commit suicide are mentally imbalanced. Thought and emotions are all temporary and fleeting. Life is just as good as it is bad.

   Keep breathing.

   Not understanding how others say their livelihoods depends on “straightness”. Is this as simple as appearing masculine or more like having a wife and kids just for a career?

   It’s draining always having to maintain a facade. Always being on guard, all relationships suffer because either you end up closing yourself off completely or always sending out a fictional representative. At some point you have to make a choice to be yourself no matter who it hurts or offends.

   We have a tendency to pay attention to many things that are not our business: namely what and how other people think about us. This is not our business.

   I hope everyone finds a path to the end of their suffering.

   1. I see this is a very deep and emotional place for many of us to deal with, but leave it to brother ICEE, to break it down and speak the truth. I have hid who I am for so long that I am tired, and realize that many relationship of mine have suffered because I can not fully be myself. I am taking baby steps, but I still dont want to be look at as a freak or bad person in the eyes of some of my straight family and friends, and I dont know why it evens matter. I guess in a sense we believe what they say about us sub-consciously. I too am tired of being on guard, being caught, looking over my shoulder, wondering what others think. I still cringe when Im at the Barbershop and men who perceive me to be straight start in on a gay topic, I get nervous, like they are looking through me and are going to call me out at any minute. Sometimes, I think if only for a minute, that we all should come out, so people can see how regular we really are, but I know the world is a mean and nasty place and it is still easier to stay in this magical closet than to come out and face the ugly beast.

      I can not understand for the life of me why gay dudes would hurt their brothers by outing them like they do. Its like if you are masculine and appear str8 a lot of more feminine dudes have a chip on their shoulder about you. I had some dudes do some foul shit to me, and made me so angry and upset, but I would never go to their family members or job and out them. I know some of my homies who have had to deal with just these types of scenarios by mad angry bitter exes or jealous friends. It still a personal choice and nobody’s business, but I am at the point personally where I see that when you have nothing to hide life can really begin. Again, I am taking baby steps to get to this point, cant say that I will ever get there but I am ready to really live.

4. I’d delete all my social media accounts and move to a new city. Problem solved.

   1. ^lmao at that solution.
      you know what?
      it’s not a bad one.
      it cost peanuts to change your name these days.

   2. Funny you say this. I have no social media accounts. Lol. Best way to maintain your privacy.

      I won’t lie, I do have creep accts, so I can look at instagram pics, or lurk on twitter. It amazes me because ppl ALWAYS accept my account. With no pics, or no tweets. Folks are so narcissistic they don’t care who follows them, as long as that follower count is high.

      1. I don’t have any either, but I still ghost follow people. We are ghost followers man lol.

5. Great post! Maybe I am the naive one, but until you know the full story- the jury is open for judgement! Who knows what secrets Kerry or Kordell etc could be hiding. It could be a disease/ domestic violence etc leading up to the outing. I personally feel it is a unique case to everyone and until both stories are shared we will never know… It’s like the whole Rihanna/Chris Brown situation.. was Rihanna provoking Chris.. etc but you have to stand for something and say “Domestic violence is wrong” period.

6. If I was outed it would set me back. I don’t want to lose my friends, that’s the biggest thing for me. I’m used to people talking about me anyway because of what I have done in my past. People talking about me means nothing. I don’t care.

7. Fuck your family man. You are a grown ass man. When you become of age, you don’t worry about pleasing no one but yourself and God. No one else matters. Live your life the way you want to. They are laughing at your Uncle because of his downfall, and they probably are saying that he deserves what he’s going through because of who he is. Let me tell you something. You defeat people with success, it’s the best revenge. You show them that even though they disowned you your life is still good and you are still doing great things. Why would you even want someone in your life who doesn’t approve what you are doing? You cut people out like that whether they are family or not. My family knows.

8. WOW it is sobering and heartbreaking to hear some of you guys mention suicide as a possible reaction to being outed. Please think about the pain your death will cause to your loved ones. Not just your parents but think about your grandmother, your baby sister or your nephew or your Godson who idolizes you.I am getting teary eyed just thinking about their pain.I pray that none of you are ever outed.
   I am a sensitive person in general, A Cancer, ,but I just learned one of my cousins suffered a heart attack and has slipped into a coma. I know the pain her husband ,parents and siblings are in as they hold vigil in the ICU.She is only 33.
   PLEASE DONT inflict that pain on your loved ones because you fear rejection or failure.

9. im starting to think some people just stay in the closet to keep the peace amongst the other humans.
   is that wrong tho?

10. Blacks always want you to come out and be free but then shun you once you are out. Look at how they do Frank Ocean! Chris Brown has had a history of being a messy queen (beating up Rihanna, growing chairs out of windows, nearly attacking the parking lot assistant) but Frank and him get in a fight and they condemn Frank Ocean and make him the messy gay???? And you want me to be out the closet??? HA! Black people are the biggest hypocrite bitches and I’m tired of us. AND IM BLACK! We always want people to fight for us and scream we are being wronged but as soon as someone is gay, we forget and launch nasty attacks or try to expose them for no reason! Oh I forgot! If you are queen that is okay.

11. I’m happy in the closet. I know that sounds bad but I’m happier in here. I don’t need anyone making me feel bad because I’m in here either. If anyone outed me, I would be on the news. My livelihood depends on my “straightness”. I work too hard to be broke.

12. I’ve been lurking for a long time but this made me comment. This is why I love this website. It’s truly the only place I can read and not feel judged. I actually feel happier reading knowing there are people who think and live like me. With that being said, I would not take being outed well. m living a DL life, and I know that is forbidden, but I can’t help it with the career I am in. I find myself sleeping with more men but I’m not comfortable being out. I am happier in the straight world and thats how I make my money. I’d be devastated if that was taken away.

13. Outing someone is so trashy to me. No one deserves that if they’re not ready. It’s not up to you to determine whether someone should be “free” or not. So many people out there trying to get famous/popular at someone else’s expense. If they only way you can promote yourself is to tear someone down, then you’re the lowest of low.

    Just thinking about this pisses me off! Lol.

14. If all the blogs I have read on here, this one made me think the hardest. I don’t know what I would do but i would take it extremely hard

15. This is such a powerful blog entry that is scared even me! I would had to say I would kill myself. I know it sounds stupid but my family would never understand. I saw how they abandoned my gay uncle who is now a drug addict. They shut him out because of his sexuality and I know they would do it to me. Wow! I really felt some kind of way reading that. I has to pass it on!!

    1. Fuck your family man. You are a grown ass man. When you become of age, you don’t worry about pleasing no one but yourself and God. No one else matters. Live your life the way you want to. They are laughing at your Uncle because of his downfall, and they probably are saying that he deserves what he’s going through because of who he is. Let me tell you something. You defeat people with success, it’s the best revenge. You show them that even though they disowned you your life is still good and you are still doing great things. Why would you even want someone in your life who doesn’t approve what you are doing? You cut people out like that whether they are family or not. My family knows.

       1. Bam, well said THE MAN…U just pulled me straight out of lurker mode…That’s what I’m talking about…U defeat people with success…Only GOD can judge me….I used to b very scared of being outed, but not anymore….Like my ex GF like to say ” u r not getting any younger” I’m not gonna continue to lye to myself and people around me forever…I’m not out but I’m not in the closet either…Just discrete with my shit…. I like dick and ass deal with it….

16. Do you remember that talk show Jenny Jones from the 90’s?Apparently it was cancelled because she did a “secret crush” episode where someone tells their crush that they like them.On the episode, a gay guy told a straight dude that he liked him.The straight dude got a gun and killed the gay guy later.

    I also remember a tranny not too long ago, outed some 18 year old boys.He/she recorded them having sex and then posted the videos for the world to see.One of the boys didn’t kill himself but he was contemplating it.I felt very bad for him because he was young and probably only looking for a quick nut and the tranny involved didn’t seem bothered in the least that he/she probably ruined this boy’s life because word eventually got back to his family that he was in a video having sex with a tranny.I don’t know where he’s at today.This was a few years ago.

    Like I said in another one of your posts.I’d probably kill myself if I was outed to my family or just never have contact with them again.I know a lot of gays don’t realize the stigma that comes along with being out because their family and friends accepted them but everyone’s family isn’t the same.

    I want my family to look at me as me and not the gay one like I know they would if I was out.Just thinking about the awkwardness and talking to them about it is giving me goosebumps/chills.That shit will never happen.I’ll tell them when we’re at the crossroads.

17. Outing is a double edge sword. Yea u may put someone’s business out there but how did you get the info to begin with ??

18. I’ve never really understood why people are so interested in another person’s sexual identity. What benefits does one receive from knowing who another person is sleeping with or exposing someone’s sexual identity without mutual consent? Very few people understand what it means to respect someone’s privacy. Fortunately, I’ve never been in a situation where my private life was exposed, but I would be quite upset if such a situation were to take place. The only way to deal with a situation of this sort would be to beat the fuck out of whoever exposed me. Beating someone’s ass would not solve the situation, but it would teach the person to keep a closed mouth in regard to other individuals’ private lives. Any such exposure has the potential to jeopardize many personal and professional relationships. In no such way am I ashamed of who I am, but I prefer to keep my sex life private.

    1. That last sentence is me. I’m not ashamed, but I do not want to tell people.

19. There’s one SURE way to keep from being “outed” by anyone.

    1. ^be celibate?
       cut off your gay side completely,
       marry a vixen,
       and live the straight life?
       become a monk?
       move to the mountains and only fuck goats?

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