who hurt YOU?

who were you before you got hurt?
who were you before you got molested by your uncle?
who were you before you were stabbed in the back by your “best friend”?
who were you before you got cheated on by the “love of your life”?
who were you before you got HIV by that hyena who said he was clean?
we all were “someone” before another someone or something changed us.
i was “someone” too…

the start of my change was after 2003.
i always deem that year as the worst year of my life.
Mum had passed in 2001 and i started hanging with the straights.
after years of being a homebody while Mum was alive,
i found popular straight wolves jackals to hang with.
i learned the hard way they only “hung” with me because of the money.
in comparison,
they were all pretty masculine pretty wolves jackals.
i’m this softer male who was either just there,
smoking his grief away,
or “the driver“.
after my reputation was ruined,
the same jackals had turned on me,
and my business was all in the forests of boston,
i was broke while everyone had moved on like i was trash on the sidewalk.
i was very hurt and wanted to go full joker mode for what they did to me.

I never got my Joker mode because I stopped caring as new (and worse) experiences happened.

…but that was what introduced me to what life is really about.
i’ve forgiven them but i suspect they all got their karma eventually.

hurt people; hurt people.
i was looking atkevin samuels “before” and learned a lot.
if you look at his pre-fame pictures,

he definitely wasn’t that person back in 2014.


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A post shared by Kevin Samuels (@kzx32)

i suspect his alleged ex-wife is the reason for how he turned out:


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A post shared by Kevin Samuels (@kzx32)


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Kevin Samuels (@kzx32)

he chose to become “the godfather” and that worked for him.
it sounds very super villain of him,
but i’ll font this:

Sometimes you gotta be hurt,
and fed tf up,
to push out who you need to be (or really are).

my platform was built on hurt and well…

lowkey: if you look deep enough,
you’ll see why people are the way they are.
look into their pasts and it’ll explain a lot.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

5 thoughts on “who hurt YOU?”

  1. I actually feel bad seeingthese pics
    I saw a video of him saying if he were to diss women he would go viral

    He was playing a character

    To me if someone like khia died I’d be sad bc she provided entertainment for decades

    It’s not about what she said, she made us laugh

    When you look at things like comedy it changes your perspective

    I often wonder if I can get back to who I was a la keyshia Cole – gotta get my heart back

    That song has meant something to me since I was 17 when it dropped like before I took guys seriously back when I thought everyone was just like me, and many were, just a person with good intentions no ulterior motives

    Remember before guys needed money or clout whenever they didn’t date and fuck for a place to stay? We were just kids in the gay community this was before apps became mobile you had to be in adam4adam or bgc and that was rare I looked at people weird if they used those sites

    Now grindr is a rite of passage hookups are king relationships are rare loyalty is dead

    1. TeaTimeTips2,

      😩 You took me back to 2007 with that reference to the Keyshia Cole song. I was around 21/22 years old when that album came out. And I had just remembered ALLLL of the turmoil that I had gone through as well. I had been like 6 or 7 years fresh out from years of being molested by my older male cousins. And now by then, I was just dealing with ALLLL of the residual effects from that happening to me. But you’re correct. Times have definitely changed. And not for the better either.

      1. I’m so sorry you dealt with that

        That song meant A lot to us ! That’s why I love that era of r&b it was really our last years of the genre being mainstream in its original raw form

        She let it all out on that record and still does I love keyshia

        1. Yes for the Keyshia Cole throwback! I just told Alexa to put that record on. Hmm interesting post! I might come back. I’m loving your discourse TeaTime!

  2. May 10, 2022

    See Jamari,

    THESE are the types of videos and topics you should really consider doing on video and/or on your brand new podcast! Because they are so thought provoking! 💯

    And yes, looking at KS you can tell that he definitely “glowed up” ✨ during his latter years. He looked SO different back then. I almost didn’t recognize him, until after reading your post about him. He looked so much better now before his recent passing, than what he did back then. Although, he was what you consider “cute” back then. He definitely wasn’t ugly or unattractive. He just liked like a “straight laced church boy” or “square” back then. But, we all evolve and some of us are able to do some “outer cosmetic” work to change our aesthetic. However, if the inside ain’t right, then it will never truly reflect the outside! Some people are so busy trying to be a “bad bitch” or “that dude” that they don’t even take the time to fix and heal their mind! Because where the mind goes, the body follows. And I think that’s why he could’ve been a bit “problematic” at times. Because it seemed like he was making up for “lost time” all those years. And knowing a title bit about his story (i.e. ailments in his youth, home life, etc.) you can kind of empathize.

    But anyways, yes. I myself have been doing a lot of “reflecting” recently too. On my way to work earlier, I was just thinking about some of my trials and tribulations that me and my family had been going through for YEARS, DECADES! And I said to myself, “WHY is that??!” 😖😢🥺 And I asked God, “You made everything. You make the seasons change. So why is it that we, as human beings, sometimes remain in the same season? Struggling??” And I don’t wanna hear anybody say, “we have free will, it’s up to us to decide the type of life we ‘want’, etc.” Because at the end of the day, we ALL are just living this life that we didn’t ask for. And again, God makes the seasons change! We have Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Animals don’t remain in the same season of their lives, the Earth doesn’t stay the same, it changes. So WHYYYYYYYY do things stay the EXACT SAME for some of us??!

    That was my question to The Most High/Creator on this day! But I digress. But anyways, as I stated before here, I study the esoteric sciences, and according to Astrology, KS had a lot of “energetic signals” in him that pointed to why he started being more “controversial” in his views about Women. Black Women in particular. So when you all get a chance, check out this video on YouTube by my friend and mentor, Appollonia The Astrology Lady. She breaks it ALLLL of the way down! And if you need a reading from her, hit her up too!!!! I highly recommend her services to anyone who wants to gain insight into their lives and how to find out answers to questions that they may’ve been having for years!


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