is being harsh the only language black folks understand?

i don’t know about you,
or if i’m really late,
but i’ve noticed something within the black community.

Being harsh is the go-to method in trying to help “us”.

 disrespecting others in the community is what helps us learn the lesson.
that or bringing them down a notch if they want to do or be bigger.
have to whether we are straight,
or male,
it seems like this attitude of “ruin them will help them“.
its often disguised as:

“You need to hear the truth”
“I had to hurt your little feelings for you to get it.”

…but it’s a vulgar and dehumanizing way to do things.
it makes you wanna give up and fling yourself off a balcony.
it’s my turn to give the harsh truth then…

It’s all learned behavior from our parents who learned it from our grandparents,
who learned it from their parents,
and ultimately it’s what our ancestors learned from their slave masters.

this type of shit:



…and so on and so forth.
now there is always some truth you can use,
but a majority of the other abusive bullshit isn’t needed.
i feel like the black community is so comfortable abusing each other.
it’s made to be funny or entertaining.
we drag others with the same flaws as the person we are dragging.
some within the black gay community are worse.
there is hardly any solidarity unless sex is involved.
look at how some of these folks talk to me on here?
you’d think i didn’t have a decade and some change in the game.

We break nice things and when they are taken away…
or want nothing to do with us after being treated so harshly…
we get mad because we have nothing else to represent us.
Typical “cutting noses off to spite faces” in the community.

Where is the compassion?
Where is empathy?
Where is the kindness?
Where is the understanding?


everyone finds joy in being harsh but doesn’t offer any solutions.
we have none because all we know is being rude and hurtful.
it’s called “tough love” but it’s really being a condescending asshole.

This is why I don’t listen to anything harsh or abusive.

do not talk to me like you’re my fuckin’ grandmother.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

22 thoughts on “is being harsh the only language black folks understand?”

  1. Jamari this is spot on. That’s why I find the Kevin Samuels situation so interesting. A lot these black women are so upset about how he talked about them but these be the same black women who I see all the time in public cussing the F*CK outta they toddlers and then wonder why lil man is so aggressive. Smh.

    1. ^ it taught me a few things tbh:

      • how some black males don’t have father figures and looking for guidance
      • how angry black males are towards black women and want to know them down a peg

      • how entertained we are by harming each other than actually giving possible solutions to help us be better

      • how other races don’t rake their own over the coals as hard as we do

      • how white, hispanic, and other races of women can be everything black women can be but they’re called “sassy”, “powerful”, and “don’t accept anything less” because it’s ultimately a badge of honor for them

      and lastly:

      • some black men really HATE black women
      1. ^ I do agree that there are most definitely a lot of black men who hate black women but why no one calls out black women hating black men?? Everyone know what the word misogynist but most don’t know what a misandry even mean.
        We go from one extreme of pendulum to the other but never balance or in the middle. It’s very sad and I’m afraid it’s only going to get worse.

        1. ^ the entire black community needs a reset.
          we need to pull it together because if we don’t,
          it’s gonna be a real shit show when the disastrous scandal goes down.

  2. Black men who hate Black women really hate themselves. They use Black women as a scapegoat to lash out at their own Blackness. We could’ve handled this shit ages ago but at some point the Black community got soft with self-haters and have allowed them to run rampant for decades. I was shocked when I read Malcolm X’s biography and found out Black people back in his day use to beat the shit out of Uncle Toms. We’re way too lax. We’ve let White people brainwash us with that “nobody is right or wrong” bullshit they’ve been peddling for years.

    That harsh shit is true. What bugs me the most about it is it be the most obvious shit. Motherfuckers be acting like they saying something no one else has said or thinking the person they’re tearing down hasn’t noticed what’s going on in their own life. I felt like dog shit when I didn’t have a job. Having a cousin tell me I’m a bum that needs to get a job, I’m just sitting their like do you think this isn’t on my mind daily when bills are coming every month. How about you give me some recommendations cunt.

    What makes the harshness worse is that it’s in ALL of our TV shows & movies. We have no escape. It just beats you down. Then they wonder why suicide has sky-rocketed in the Black community.

  3. Hey Guys,

    Though it is true that “Harsh Language “is used in our community by some of our fellow Black Folks. White folk and many ,many other cultures display the very same characteristics. It just appears that with all that we as Black people have against us, we should not be so Dehumanizing to our children and one another.

    Just look up some of the Harsh Cultural laws such as ” Honor Killing ” a Daughter or sister that has “Betrayed the Family!!

    Many Women and Gays ( in other Cultures) can be Raped , Beaten and Killed and it is widely accepted. Humankind can be very , very cruel and it is very , sad.

    So, we do have a way to go and must be careful of how we speak, raise, and treat one another .

    1. ^ we always say this about treating people kindly and do the opposite.
      people need therapy or self help booms to help offset their nasty behavior they were taught.

    2. You are right because let an Asian kid come home with an “Asian F” they will get called everything imaginable. They don’t have kids, the women are treated with real disrespect, let them not have a job or an education and its worst. You have never seen an Asian without a job or an education.

  4. Man i have been mulling this over after fighting to get my sanity back. I experienced this all my life but i became spiritual and i dont know when exactly but around college i was operating in a completely different headspace. I was around progressive blacks and white liberal progressive people so i forgot. Well i came back home around my family and had a conplete culture shock and we would fight so bad cause im like why cant you just be nice. But they didnt understand that. We at the point now where my family has fallen apart compeletly and no one cares just proceeding forward trying to be the coolest in the streets.

    Which raises another point after we bring each other down with our words and actions we will much rather try to forget that person and flex in the world like we got it together. Like i just cant understand how we got here. Its so bad to me im thinking of leaving the US altogether.

    1. Ha! I can totally relate going to a college with other likeminded ambitious progressive black folk and then coming home and thinking was the last 4 years a dream?!? Especially if you come from a small town and went to the big city for college or if you’re the first in your family to go to college. That is hilarious!

      The crazy part is that sometimes you have dumb yourself down and put parts of yourself in a dormant state just to get along and be able to hang around them. It’s not celebrated or even accepted because now you think you’re better than us and now you’re hit with the bullshit for simply trying to better yourself. That’s why celebrities move out the hood because you can’t be a big shot in the hood without someone trying to take you out or manipulate you into their own foolishness. It’s crazy how you get built up to make it and once you do, now we gotta tear you down to make you normie. A mess!

  5. Jamari, you could do a whole damn movie on this; win Oscars, Golden Globes, Image Awards and all kinds of stuff.

  6. Jamari, every group does it.

    The difference is Black people will shame you in front of white and other non-Black people.

    Other groups do it in private.

    We do it thinking it makes us look better to other groups, but it reflects POORLY on us.

    It’s why I can’t stand coons. “I ain’t like them, Massa”. Chh, you doing that to them proves you ARE like them. And if you’d do it to your own, you’d do it to Massa. That’s what coons don’t get.

  7. I’m smelling self hatred and anti blackness in the comment section. Some of you need to come to the conclusion that you never be white! The only thing close to whiteness you will ever be is a white man’s ……harsh words…. Just chill, just because these people may slum around with you and you may have fantasies of being bound and gagged by a bunch of white walkers doesn’t make you the same. All the black folks with all these impressive white lovers and friends , do me a favor? Stop talking with your white lovers and friends about pop culture. Strictly talk to your white lovers and friends about money.

  8. As far as Being Harsh, sometimes its needed but not always necessary in certain situations. Somebody keep using hard drugs and its ruining everything around them, you can’t sugarcoat anything with them. Your friend keeps cheating on every person they get serious with, you can’t be nice and still be friendly and ignore it. Yet they want to ask you, “why can’t I keep a relationship”? You too much of a hoe! Stop cheating. You have people constantly putting themself down, you have every obligation as a good friend to be harsh and tell them how much good of a person they are. “For real for real, you bad as fuck, you got brains, you got everything going for yourself, a nice job, nice place, nice car, your place is always clean, you a catch. I can’t be your boyfriend because we best friends, you my brother! Then you got the people who always putting people down and always have something negative to say but ain’t no better than the person they putting down. These are examples of when being harsh is the only way to get them to understand because when you come in a nice way, it doesn’t come off as… “I needed to hear that”. They just gon brush it off and find the next person who is going to be real with them. I rather have a friend check me and keep me leveled instead of having “yes” people surrounding me.

    1. I concur! As a Taurus, I rather you be honest and blunt with me whether it hurts my feelings or not then to sugarcoat, lie or deceive me to spare my lil feelings. Trust I am mature enough to distinguish between the 2 and I can handle your truth. I am intelligent and discerning enough to know whether what you’re saying is coming from a place of love or straight up hateful envious bullshit.

      I understand what Jamari is saying and yes black people say and do some of the most hurtful things to one another. Then we get mad when we get called out for it. Hurt people hurt people and until we are willing to deal with the overwhelming hurt from slavery, Jim Crow etc then the cycle will continue. All this talk of anti blackness and self hate and I wonder do people even know wtf they are talking about. People can’t have a fucking opinion or express themselves without the crabs in a barrel swooping in trying to shame or guilt them into some idiotic foolishness designed to keep you quiet and stuck in a rut. You can be pro black and still speak your mind, you can love your black features and still say black people got too much baggage and too much stubborn pride for their own good. Miss me with the condescending, judgemental and belittling crap! Also some of us are too gotdamn sensitive and need to learn how to grow a backbone and some balls. But I digress!

  9. I was just thinking about the same exact thing. I thought about any job I’ve ever had, promotions, anything. When a black person is in charge, I get nothing. When a white is, it will usually be ok unless I have many black co-workers. Sad but true.

  10. My favorite line is ” Don’t talk to me that way!” It shuts everyone down 🤣

  11. This post would be perfect if it did in fact come with solutions and not just talk. As you say, this has been going on far too long and talking about it solves nothing. Anyone can complain or point out our faults but not many can come up with good advice to heal from the trauma! I have an immense amount of empathy for us all. Those that are stuck, those that are unsticking and those that have healed and helping others to unstick

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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