“TYRELL!!!! TYRELL!!!!”

200148614-001so while i was waiting for the hot water in my apartment to get hot,
i witnessed this scene outside my window.
i often see a “message” in many things that i often have to stop and write them down.
well luckily i was speaking to someone in emails when it happened.
i wrote the entire situation out to them,
but i wanted to post it as well.
it could be an “aha” moment for someone out there…

i watched a girl,
a young girl in her late teens,
pushing a baby carriage this morning.
her baby father was walking about 20 steps ahead.
she kept calling out his name:
“tyrell!!!
tyrell!!!”
as she lagged behind him.
he finally turns around halfway down the street and starts yelling at her.
i mean giving her full new york hood nigga pineapple.
“tyrell i’m sorry!
i don’t know what I have done to make you do this to me!
tyrell!!!
please wait up for me and your son!!!”
he turns back around and continues to walk away.
she starts to cry with her head in her hands.
she turns the stroller around half away,
with what looked like the attempt to go home.
she stands there for a minute trying to make a decision,
and like a dog,
turns the stroller back forward and continues to walk after her baby father.
still calling out for him but by this time he was gone.
where he went is anyone’s guess,
but she slowly walked after him and that was that.
that girl reminded me of me.
the baby father represented everything
I have been chasing these last few years of my life.
it took me seeing that to realize that
i’ve let life and people become something I chase.
approval.
perfection.
friendship.
love.
not wanting to be fired.
things that make me stop in the middle of the sidewalk.
wanting to turn around,
give up,
and quit.
but like her,
when i look back,
I see I have nothing to go back too.
so i have to keep moving forward.
only thing is,
i’m allowing(ed) these things to become what controls me.
just like that girl.
that scene was so deep to me.
made me think.
made me realize i have lost myself chasing silly things.
I forgot what it’s like to be chased.
tumblr_mgsb4fm7ji1qkg5u5o1_500honestly watching it made me sad.
i felt sorry for her.
i’m glad these things happen for me to see myself as well.

like really see myself.
see what is making me so unhappy in my own world.
so trapped.
its hard to say “i want change” and actually go through with it.
we get stuck in our ways and they become comfortable.
i’m very uncomfortable and always looking for ways to improve my situation.
i pray for that girl and i pray for myself we both get the outcome we desire.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

8 thoughts on ““TYRELL!!!! TYRELL!!!!”

  1. As far as an “association” with a man, woman or child goes, any relationship (be it between friends, between father and daughter, mother and daughter, husband and wife, etc.) needs the 5 Cs:
    1. Compromise: They need to be able to compromise on their legitimate interests.
    2. Communication: They need to be able to communicate about their wants, needs, hopes, fears, aspirations, etc. This includes not just “what” but “how” and “when” to communicate. And communication includes listening and not just “saying” or “writing” or “sending”. Some things are best said by email and others by snail mail, telephone call, text message, etc. So the mode of communication is important. This is the most important C. Poor communication tends to lead to a poor relationship. No communication tends to lead to no relationship. (And the corollary is also true: Poor communication tends to lead to a poor relationship and a poor relationship tends to lead to no relationship.) It is through communication that understanding—not assumptions—is achieved. It is through communication that the other Cs are realized. Compromise is made. Commitment is shown. Companionship is had and cash is dealt with clearly, compatibly and appropriately.
    3. Commitment: They need to be concerned with and about each other and sufficiently dedicated/devoted to each other and the relationship. This involves accountability, faithfulness, loyalty, attentiveness, diligence and effort.
    4. Companionship: They need to enjoy each other’s company.
    5. Cash: They need to be clear, cool and compatible on issues concerning money.
    When the 5 Cs are “added”, they add up to compatibility or lack of compatibility. What do you think of the 5 Cs?

  2. So deep, so very deep on this Independence Day. I think that those of us who have lost our parents realize that we really have nobody to turn to in this cold hard world and that is why we cling and hold on to any little thing no matter how bad it might be that brings us some type of comfort. Im in a situation now were I work all the time, and although I am grateful because just a few months ago I wasnt working, I wont more out of my life now and someone who I can tell my troubles too after a long hard day, I am tired of being the strong one and everybody else’s shoulder to lean on, I need a shoulder to lean on and Im not afraid to admit it anymore. Everyone who knows me think I am this strong pulled together person when inside Im dying each day, without a love to call my own and the prospects are bleak in this lifestyle. Everyone is on to the next “nut” they can bust instead of trying to get to know you, but we have sung this song so many times on here so I want even put it in the rotation. Seriously, some days, I consider just becoming a hardcore dog ass whore who just sex em and leave em, its like if you cant beat them, you might as well join them, but I think the emptiness of that type of life would be just as bad as what I am experiencing now. I keep trying to be the change I want, but it aint by no means easy.

  3. Jamari, I’m from NY (born and raised) and I don’t know what NY hood nigga pineapple means? Explain! Is that some sort of street moniker?

    1. ^i get in trouble when I use the word “nigga”.
      so I cross out “nigga” and use “pineapple”instead.
      I wrote about changing the word nigga to pineapple

  4. i was having a conversation with my best friend last night after helping him move all day into his new apartment and i was saying to him, that the picture in my mind of never achieving anything or being a failure makes me run for success, it makes me work hard to be a better man and it keeps me up at night sometimes because that’s how much i desire it…for years i ran after the image i appeared to be in front of others, what people thought i should have been but a few years ago a light bulb came on and now that I’m about to turn 27 in a month I’m running to a better me, a more enlightened me. I’m not looking for love, or relationships (that would be nice) but i’m learning in this day in age sometimes you have to be your biggest motivator, sometimes you’ll have to be your own support system, you’ll have to be your own fan base to encourage yourself when goals don’t turn out right or people abandon you…LIFE & Experience are the best teachers…so yes that young lady may have been running after Tyrell but trust and believe one day she’ll WAKE UP, recognize her worth and run in the opposite direction…to her purpose and Tyrell will just be a lesson learned….

  5. One day she may stop dealing with him, but she will always be tied to him because they have a child together. I keep telling people to be careful who they lay down with, and who they let into their lives. I’m careful of both. People ain’t shit anymore. You have to look out for yourself first.

    1. I get what you are saying but at the same time it could be that he got mad at her and decided to leave before hurting her. I’ve seen it happen a couple times before, once with my own family and another guy stop in the middle of the street, get out of the car and walk off. Idk what it was, but always better to leave a volatile situation then do/say something to regret later.

      Same goes for you J. Sometimes events/ppl come into life and when they try to leave we hold onto them, not knowing that they are leaving b/c staying might make things worse. I believe that sometimes ppl need to have a cooldown period. Now I already know how ppl feel about Tyler Perry, but he once said something in a way that I thought was reallly effective. Some ppl are like leaves-only there for a season but when the wind blows they’re gone. Some are like branches, they hold on longer than leaves but have got to be seen and can still fall off. But the ppl you want are the few roots that dont have to be seen, but they support the tree. You should always have a few roots, even if its just you, yourself and Jesus, but you gotta try and see if the ppl in your life are leaves or branches, b/c there may come a time when you have to let them go.

      Now that Im done w/the long life post: Happy 4th of July! Be safe & have fun (and make me a plate!)

  6. Oh sweet NY, instead of a tv, all you need is a window to watch some good drama/action. But yea I been getting loads of message from the cosmo for some reason and I gonna listen to it.

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