so while i was waiting for the hot water in my apartment to get hot,
i witnessed this scene outside my window.
i often see a “message” in many things that i often have to stop and write them down.
well luckily i was speaking to someone in emails when it happened.
i wrote the entire situation out to them,
but i wanted to post it as well.
it could be an “aha” moment for someone out there…
i watched a girl,a young girl in her late teens,pushing a baby carriage this morning.her baby father was walking about 20 steps ahead.she kept calling out his name:“tyrell!!!tyrell!!!”as she lagged behind him.he finally turns around halfway down the street and starts yelling at her.i mean giving her full new york hood
niggapineapple.“tyrell i’m sorry!i don’t know what I have done to make you do this to me!tyrell!!!please wait up for me and your son!!!”he turns back around and continues to walk away.she starts to cry with her head in her hands.she turns the stroller around half away,with what looked like the attempt to go home.she stands there for a minute trying to make a decision,
and like a dog,turns the stroller back forward and continues to walk after her baby father.
still calling out for him but by this time he was gone.
where he went is anyone’s guess,
but she slowly walked after him and that was that.
that girl reminded me of me.the baby father represented everything
I have been chasing these last few years of my life.it took me seeing that to realize that
i’ve let life and people become something I chase.
not wanting to be fired.
things that make me stop in the middle of the sidewalk.
wanting to turn around,
and quit.but like her,when i look back,I see I have nothing to go back too.
so i have to keep moving forward.
only thing is,
i’m allowing(ed) these things to become what controls me.
just like that girl.
that scene was so deep to me.made me think.made me realize i have lost myself chasing silly things.I forgot what it’s like to be chased.
i felt sorry for her.
i’m glad these things happen for me to see myself as well.
like really see myself.
see what is making me so unhappy in my own world.
its hard to say “i want change” and actually go through with it.
we get stuck in our ways and they become comfortable.
i’m very uncomfortable and always looking for ways to improve my situation.
i pray for that girl and i pray for myself we both get the outcome we desire.