i think i’m too emotional…
i can admit it.
its nothing to be ashamed of.
i wasn’t always like that tho.
i use to be a lot “fuckdis” and “fuckdat”.
thats when my parents were alive and i could afford to be a slacker.
now i have all these responsibilities,
and no one to rescue me when i fall,
somewhere on my journey i picked up being guided by my emotions.
now don’t get me wrong,
i’m not the “messy emotional”.
the one who gets upset about little things and uses social media as it’s therapist.
or expose anyone because things didn’t go my way?
oh god no.
i’m a “private emotional”.
which means i hurt when i’m alone.
i don’t do “public hissy fits”.
and then go eat some chipotle.
now not everything makes me emotional.
some things i truly give no fucks about.
like when it comes to my money and reputation,
that is when i take it on more than i should.
those times have made me question myself and my choices.
it has sat me down with plenty of regret.
i do write in the foxhole with my emotions tho.
it hasn’t failed me when it comes to what i love to do.
thats when “emotions” turn to “passion”.
the vixen i met in my office building made me aware of my situation today.
so we decided to take lunch together.
she called my desk and asked me if i wanted to go shopping.
shiiiiiiiddddddd and i just “had” paid off my credit card too!
you have to learn to turn your emotions off.
i get it.
you are a really passionate guy,
and that will take you far,
but you can’t let this job get that.
those people don’t need “that”.
they need the person who comes in,
does his job,
don’t take their bullshit home with you.”
how can i not?
everyday is always something at that place.
the proof is in the high turn over rate.
that environment forces my emotions out of me.
my reputation and money are at stake.
i guess i have a fear of going back to being broke again.
getting this job was such a blessing,
but dealing with these various situations has been pretty tough.
why can’t it just be easy?
don’t answer that.
“these sitiations is a lesson to learn.
blah blah blah…”
i get it.
so i will try and turn my emotions off.
is it bad to say that i don’t exactly know how to do that?
i mean they have been the key that drives my vehicle.
in order to fully glow tho,
then they gotta go.
like 3 months ago.
“someone take my emotions.
i want to feel good so i don’t feel bad”…