The Season of Selfishness: Fair Weather Friends

wind_blowing-1024x768you ever been cool with someone,
but as soon as they get into relationships,
they stop returning your phone calls/texts?
they son you with the crazy disappearing act.
as soon as they are single again,
they want to be your bestest?
well get rid of them.
i’ll tell you why…

that isn’t being a true friend.
that is the notorious “fair weather friendship”.
if someone can’t balance their relationship/friendship…
iwillcutyoudo you notice you constantly build them up when they are down?
do you feel empty after speaking to them?
do you ask for advice and they never have an answer?

if you answered “yes” to all those questions,
then you need to re-evaluate that relationship.
i say let them go with the wind in this season of selfishness.
its not easy to let someone go cold turkey,
especially if you are emotionally connected to them.
those types have no place in your life.
they are self absorbed emotional users.
they need you to constantly build them up after their situation ends.
they know you will always be there when they return.
worse of all,
they want to bad mouth the relationship when they return.
everything was all good when they went missing tho?
if you want to be “that loyal person”,
then fine,
but ask yourself this

What are you getting out of it?

well continue waiting for them to come around to find out.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

13 thoughts on “The Season of Selfishness: Fair Weather Friends

  1. Yes I used to have a friend like that until I drop her because she was also that friend that had the on & off relationship that constantly need sympathy until she reunite with her bf again and send you to hell until she needs your sympathy again.

    1. ^THE WORST!

      your name ain’t “dr phil”.
      if i notice that pattern within our “ship”,
      i immediately get rid of the person.
      that is a early sign of no loyalty.

  2. It seems like the worst of these types of relationship for Gay men are with Str8 women. They always want to use you as surrogate when they are going through with their men or have no man. As soon as they find some pipe, its see ya and wouldnt want to be ya. I refuse to get caught up like that, I learned my lesson about women and their drama at a young age, they are one sided as fuck, I even see this with the females in my family. These dudes who run around here telling their business to females will soon learn that they could care less, are usually jealous about you having a dude and will use your business as fodder at the next all girls night out to laugh and mock you.

    Now on to how your Gay friends are when they have a dude, or should I say chasing a dude. I find personally with my homies I deal with, they are shady in how they treat you when they are dating, or running behind a dude. I have one friend who is notorious for always putting a date before friendship and I find most gay dudes I see are like this. These hoes aint loyal and will put pipe before their mama. It trips me out when I see someone trying to play captain save a ho with a date and they call you when they need saving. I have another friend who is cool but can never hear what you have to say because he is always and I mean always going on a Jackd or Grindr hook up date, so when he calls, he talks about 5 minutes and then its let me hit you back Bro, I just got to a dates house. When I talk about actually dating someone and not sleeping with them first, the conversation gets quiet with him. He is so empty to me, and I find myself moving away from even wanting to have a friendship with him because people like this are damaged and cannot really be a loyal friend to you because they dont even value themselves.

    As we discuss in a previous entry the other day, you have to start giving these people what they give you. If you cant beat them, join them and start serving them up a dose of a selfish spirit and making it all about you and watch how they change. They are either going to leave you alone or get with the program but either way you will be better for it.

    1. Loved this post tajan.
      You’re so right. Str8 women just dont get it. I have had a lot of “girls as friends” in my past and have come to the conclusion that I don’t really need them in my life. I was never “out” to them but the dynamic was still there.
      I cut most of them out of my life, they have gotten me involved in drama and i’m not even a drama-prone person. Its ridiculous. I try to stay away from certain types lol.
      I prefer to have str8/bi/gay guy friends that I’m not attracted to, because it feels more platonic, and I don’t have to worry as much about that kind of shit.

      At the end of the day it doesnt matter if they’re str8 or gay man or woman, its the values and morals you should be looking at for friendships/relationships. Sure these factors have their influence or dynamic but its the person behind it all that you should be paying attention to.

      You should probably drop those friends tajan, they don’t sound very respectful of your time or feelings man.

      I don’t keep “friends” that are shady to me in any way. It just too much of a waste of time. Drop em like a bad habit!

      1. Once again Dignified, you speak the truth. With me it used to be about trying to have as many friends in my life as possible. There would always be subtle signs that I missed or didn’t really pay attention to, and it would ALWAYS come back to bite me in the ass. My dad met one of my “friends” ONCE and he told me that guy is not your friend. Years later he was proven to be right. As I got older, I started evaluating the people in my life. I started checking to see who would be there for me as much as I was there for them, and the number was a total reality check for me. When I started cutting people loose left and right, I start to get the “you’ve changed” speech. I would say no, I’m the same…I became wise enough to know when someone needs to be cut loose.

        Now it’s about character and morals. I check people’s actions, and if they do what they say and say what they mean..we can be cool. If they talk the talk, but don’t walk the walk…I don’t have time for them. And I have no shame in letting them know it. LOL

        My circle of friends has gotten smaller, but I know that I can count on those who are still there.

  3. Most gay dudes already know their friendships with women are one sided because women NEVER ask what’s going on in your life, unless they are trying to be nosey. They dump out all their business and problems to you and never even ask how your day is going. You guys know this but choose to ignore it and that’s why she drops you so easily when she gets a man.

    Now with gay dudes I find they’re not use to relationships so I’m now leery of friebdships with any of them! As soon as they get a man willing to be in a relationship with them they will drop everyone and everything and move in with them lol. Then two weeks later they expect you to be waiting to entertain them. Or they won’t completely disappear but some how the conversation will always come back to who they’re dating or smashing.

    Now I know why the old folks say don’t mess with anybody that’s not used to nothing.

  4. One day, you’ll collect all of your personal posts and either turn them into a ‘Manchild in the Millennium Word” fictional tale or biography. You’re an excellent writer and storyteller. Run me a list of songs that are the soundtrack to your life! Seriously….you’re multidimensional and multi-talented.

    To the point; some “friends” you have to let do them, and perhaps you’re the lighthouse in their life. Know you position, play your role, and OWN YOUR LANE.

  5. It’s so weird how this post pops up when I’m in the same exact situation you’re talking about Jamari…smh LoL
    I have someone that I’ve been friends with in the military for pretty much my whole career and we became very close. Last year was what made me realize that he was that type of person. I didn’t really pay attention to the signs because the only thing I cared about was being there for him and to do whatever I can to help him get through his situations.The problem is that whenever I was going through something, he was barely there for me.
    For example, my mother passed away New Years of 2014 and it was definitely a life changing moment for me. He was one of the first people I called when it happened and he came to show his support. During the first week of me grieving, he proceeded to tell me about his relationship issues that he created and didn’t care one bit about my situation. I knew at that moment that I needed to distance myself. I told him how I felt and left him in the dust.
    From that point on, I’ve been very observant of my friendships and try to stay away from those types of people. At this point in my life, I have no time for people who don’t appreciate the values of friendship.

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