i can come off really guarded in person.
it’s nerves tbh.
it is all nervous energy in how i come off to other people.
when alcohol is in me,
my inhibitions can help me relax but i don’t want to become an alcoholic.
weed has only made me paranoid af.
My anxiety has fucked me up in all areas.
i was walking to the barbershop and spotted this fine-ass rican wolf.
he had the bawdy,
his tail was sitting,
and the way he walked made me think the dick was spectacular.
I used to talk to males like that.
I used to get fucked with males that looked like this.
it wasn’t hard for me to achieve them,
but things took a turn for the worst in my self-esteem many years ago.
after my best friend’s murder,
that hiv scare,
the drama that comes with gay apps,
the drama that came with ex-friends,
and attracting curious males who wasted my time,
i feel it has made me retreat into a shell i created out of fear and comfort.
Have you ever seen an image of who you wanted to be in your head?
What do you do when people around you see that image,
but you can’t seem to get it right?
so many people see me as fly and dope,
by how i dress and my energy,
but i don’t feel it.
i don’t want to feel like i’m invisible anymore tho.
i want to feel like i’m a dope character in folk’s storylines.
confident and knows his worth.
there feels like a huge disconnect with my conscious and subconscious.
i see everything wrong with me first when i try to step into my confidence.
I’m holding myself back.
…and i don’t want to waste more time and years doing it.
i deserve to live a great life with things to show for it.
the first step is admitting you have a problem.
lowkey: my therapist insists i get really personal on the foxhole.