My neighbor took their own life the other night.
I heard everything.

we talk about those who take their own lives,
but we never speak on those who are affected by it.
and people that were close to the person.
there are lives that are changed forever after someone ends their existence.
as a former suicidal person,
i fully understand the trauma of what it leaves behind.
on the other side,
i fully understand wanting to stop the pain too.
even writing about it today isn’t easy for me.

It made life really real for me.

i’m not even gonna cap.
every noise i’ve heard is a constant reminder.
i would jump up and start to question what i was hearing.
it was so close that i heard it in dolby surround sound.
by the afternoon,
everyone was over it.
they had just moved on with their lives.
that was an eye-opener for me too.

It can be a cold world out there.

i will say that thanks to therapy,
i was able to process the emotions throughout the weekend.
thank God i have great people around me that helped as well.
stepping away and giving myself time helped me tremendously.
i had to tell myself:

Their experience was not my own to take on.

i could have done everything and they still would have done it.
we cannot save everyone.
it was sad they had to get to that point in their life.
i hope they have found peace now.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

9 thoughts on “THE EFFECTS OF SUICIDE”

  1. I think many ppl would have ended it all if it wasn’t for the ppl it’d affect. RIP to that neighbor. It’s unfortunate that it came to that.

  2. The only experience I had with suicide is when a classmate of mine killed himself back in high school. The person who saw it said he put on some headphones and jumped in front of an oncoming train. That fucked a lot of our heads up for a while. You see a person, who seems fine, and the next thing you hear is that they took their life. You never know what a person is going through.
    It resonates with us still. And I will never forget we were in our Psychology class discussing it, and it just unleashed a shitload of trauma some of my classmates were going through (sexual abuse/drug addiction/domestic abuse). It was crazy!

  3. A pretty female HS classmate recently shot herself, leaving behind three children and a bewildered Mother. Her alleged reason is the husband finally exiting the difficult marriage.
    I since found out over the weekend, that she lived with inner anxiety and a plethora of other symptoms that she masked pretty well.
    It is hard to fathom-gun-hand- put to head- pull trigger.
    Years ago, exiting the K car in SF, I came upon a young man lying in front of McDonald’s dead. Five minutes prior, someone shot him; his eyes were open still.
    I hope you are better soon, Jamari. Pray you aren’t too deeply emotionally scarred.๐Ÿ™

  4. If not for friends and family, I would have committed suicide at 17. Later, when my mother passed away, I almost did it then because I was always afraid of how it would affect her. But my other relatives needed me too.

    I still think about it and may do it some day. I just don’t see the purpose of continuing an existence that’s going to end anyway. And, today’s world is crappy with low pay work, extreme bigotry, daily loss of freedom. Some are fortunate to be born during a good era, I wasn’t.

    1. Correction: I never committed suicide because I didn’t know how my mother would take it. When she was gone at first, I initially thought it was a great time to leave too. But one death followed by another would have been too much for my closest relatives.

  5. I’m so sorry to hear about your neighbor, Jamari. I’m glad to hear you have a therapist who could help you process this tragedy. Finding someone professional to talk with is so important.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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