i have been thinking about zen’s comment in the last entry.
zen is one of the foxhole’s loyal voices in the comment boxes.
you can read it ( x here ).
i understand where he is coming from.
i am not shy about admitting my struggles,
but i have started to notice something…
Continue reading “That Thing, That Thing, That Thii-iii-iii-iiiing”
i’m letting you know now.
when you have good friends,
ones who actually give a fuck about your ass,
please do what you can to hold onto them.
i’m not talking about those friends who will buy you dranks at the bar.
nor the ones who will tell you the latest dirt about someone else.
i’m talking about the ones who have shown and proved.
the ones that when you call,
they will answer you.
the ones who know the real you and don’t care about your flaws.
in this road of self discovery and #comeback i’m on,
i’m learning a lot about myself and how i treat people,
the way i handle situations,
and how i solve them.
i had to wonder…
Am I a good friend?
people think i’m stuck up.
they say i look intimidating.
i can see that.
i went to bed last night with the last entry in my mind.
the comments got to me a little.
i didn’t feel offended,
but i had to look at myself and had to ask,
“is it me?”
think about this.
you are enjoying a perfect day.
sun is shining.
the wind smells so crisp.
you are wearing the perfect outfit.
everything fits you to a tee.
nothing could fuck up the day.
well, think about the opposite.
it’s raining hard.
everything just seems to be going wrong.
nothing can put a smile on your face.
you just want to go home and crawl into bed.
every thought you have feels heavy.
you just want to sleep.
maybe forever if you could.
they say 120 million people on this planet suffer from it.
does that include everyone on social media?
so many people trying to play perfect.
their smiles so big on facebook.
bodies so sweet on instagram.
they tweet about their lives like it’s something out a movie.
they try to be modern day celebrities.
“why isn’t that me?”
“am i doing something wrong?”
you start to dig yourself into an emotional grave.
oh i been there.
“no one wants to hear about your problems so why even talk about it?”
i guess that’s why we are so shocked when they commit suicide.
life is funny that way.
when it comes to depression…
Why are we so scared to admit it?
do you know when something is over?
are you capable of letting go?
or, are you a glutton for punishment?
do you like the abuse?
is your self worth so low that you will take whatever without realizing you deserve something better?
sometimes we want to return to something in the past.
something that feels comfortable.
maybe even try again because it looked like it has changed.
you thought it was a act of god disguised as a blessing.
… but secretly, it was a nicely wrapped lesson.
i learned my lesson…