FOXMAIL

Dear Jamari,

First and foremost I just want to let you know that I love your daily blogs. They’re on my top 5 “do to” lists whenever I decide to log on my laptop every morning. It’s nice to have a little haven where we can all relate in some way as black men in the LGBT community.

This is going to be a bit of a ride so buckled up..

Now here is the thing.. I am a 19 year old student and I currently live with my parents. They know I’m gay since I came out to them a year ago but they weren’t too pleased about it (duh) so ever since that day they pretty much brushed it under the rug and never spoke about it ever since. My father took it better than my mother, he thinks it’s a phase and my mother just walked out the room when I came out because she couldn’t take it. Nothing bad happened though, no insults/beatings etc. They just couldn’t wrap their heads around it so it got awkward. My brothers & sister took it well though. Needless to say I feel lost when it comes to having guidance being a black gay man. I feel like had I had a mentor or advice given to me while I was dealing with this then I wouldn’t have made a lot of the mistakes that I’ve made. Especially in my mid-teens.

Anyways, my supervisor at my retail job decided to end my contract a few days before Christmas so as you know I was really beat up about it. Needless to say a modelling agent who scouted me weeks before that just informed me that I got signed to my current modelling agency. However after a month in, I still haven’t gotten any talks about payments for the work that I did so I feel like I was sold a dream. So I don’t have much faith in it anymore..

So here comes to juicy part, I signed up to this site for Sugar Daddies/Babies called “Seeking Arrangement” all out of boredom and curiosity. I am 6’3, bronze complexion, have an athletic build & have a really chiseled bone structure. Now a couple guys have hit me up, and one guy who flew in my city yesterday to visit for business wants me to go on a date with him tomorrow. He let me know that as a part of our arrangement that physical intimacy will definitely have to happen at some point if I want to keep this arrangement going. This guy has a networth of more than $620,000. His profile stated that his networth was $6 mill. I’ll take that with a grain of salt though. He is average looking and he really wants to spoil me.

Here is the issue, I haven’t been paid in a while and I am in real need of quick money. I’m tired of asking my parents for money when I know they have to provide for my siblings too. I have needs. But there is a side of me that feels so grim for even going along with this. I feel like I was blessed with a life where I don’t need to do it and I feel lowkey immoral for it too. I was damn near depressed in class all day today thinking about it. I feel like I’ll be scarred for life if I have sex for money. Because that pretty much what having a Sugar Daddy is all about. But in the other side of my mind I was thinking about all the money that I could get.. I’m just so torn at the moment.

Any insight? Please

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: My Potential Sugar Daddy Wants Sex Too! Help!” →

i must have come a long way.
before,
my anger issues would have had me going in.
( x see why here )
now…
i’m all zen and shit.
…the fuck did that happened?
i have learned something about me…
Continue reading “You Missed.” →

things between work wolf and i are calm.
well,
right now.
no more fighting or “not speaking”.
i’ve brought my “fuck shit” all the way down.
if he does something i don’t agree with,
i just let it go.
he comes over my crib a lot more.
he also more open than before.
i’m enjoying his company.
i don’t know why i feel so insecure about him tho.
even as my role of “friend”,
or “its complicated”,
i still feel uneasy within myself.
it’s funny…
Continue reading “All is Well In The Work Wolf Forest (For Him, Anyway)” →

so i got my explanation today.
i have been wondering what is wrong with me?
why don’t wolves ever try and get with me?
lately i have been getting hit on tho.
just the other night,
this old wolf tried to get my foxtail.
he disguised it as:

“do you make web pages?”

like…
who does that hard labor anymore?
this ain’t myspace!
well one of my home-vixens explained it to me tonight.
i get it.
i guess…
Continue reading “You Look Like A Bitch (That’s Why He Didn’t Holla)” →

i have been so tired as of late.
like jamari fox is running on empty.
even writing this,
i feel like i could do with a 6 hour nap.
i still look good tho.
no bags or fine lines.
i just take pride in making sure i rest.
i actually just woke up from one before i grabbed my laptop.
last week was crazy busy because a lot has happened.
where do i even begin?…
Continue reading “I Would Probably Just Lay There” →

yesterday was weird.
it seems everyone was dealing with something.
well on my end way.
i don’t know if the planets were aligned on opposites side of space,
but everything was all fucked up.
so i did myself a favor…
Continue reading “Its Deep Inside You (Pull It Out)” →