f0xmail: My Dream Wolf Now Has His Dream Bitch and She Is Pregnant… and I Want Him Back!!! HELP!

Jamari I need your advice….

I’m trying to move on from an Ex but it’s just not as simple as it should be. Let me first tell you about the relationship. Two years ago I moved out to Houston Texas to start a new job. I had no friends and no family so I was basically on my own there. Anyway I met my ex boyfriend who we can refer to as “Dream Wolf” at the Gym…i know typical typical. He was a trainer there and the moment we locked eyes it was fucking magic….Like I was speechless and surprisingly he was too. Dream Wolf is 6’2, mixed, and wonderfully built. Actually at the time he was a part time model and his pictures are all over tumblr….some probably are even on here. Anyway he kept trying to make jokes on the way I lift and give tips and he was pretty funny. I liked him…. we saw each other at the gym a few times before exchanging numbers.

Soon after we started dating and it got so serious that we got a place together last summer. Everything was cool for the first two months, sex was okay, I met his mom, he met mine,I would cook, sometimes he would cook, and basically I built a whole new life with him and his friends. The problem was that he was on the low and about 5 years older than me I was about 22 and he was about 27. No one knew the truth about us except a few female friends which wasn’t a problem until he started having baby fever. It might had to do with him getting closer to 30 but he really wanted a baby and he even brought up the idea of us adopting one together. He was really adamant on the idea. So much so that he started working as a manager at Home depot and basically put modeling aside. He also was willing to help put me through med school when I applied. Ever since then I started having bad feelings over the relationship. I started to think we were moving waaaaay too soon and what sense did it make for us to adopt kids when we’re not out. All of those doubts plus alot of small shit made me want to get out of the relationship. And he was a nice guy about it.

Fast forward a year and “Dream Wolf” now has his “Dream Fiance” pregnant with his “Dream Baby“. We tried to remain friends after the breakup which was cool until he met her. She’s perfect Jamari. Even I like the bitch. But it just got to the point where I couldn’t be friends with him no longer….I got tired of seeing their pictures and posts on FB and twitter. So I tried deleting Dream Wolf from my life which was kinda hard since we have so many mutual friends. And now it seems like everything has been going wrong without him in my life.

I lost my job. I had to relocate back home. I’ve been struggling ever since. I just really feel almost like GOD made this man for me….I through him away….and now he is punishing me. When I think about Jamari…nothing was wrong with Dream Wolf. He was a cornball and even though that got on my nerves I miss that and him. Now that I’m putting my life back together I just feel angry at myself and bitter. Like I have no clue on how to move on????? It’s been 4 months since we last talk and I thought I would be over it but I’m not. I’m so bitter that Im not even open to when other wolves BOLDLY try to holla at me on the street.

I want to know Was I stupid for letting him go?
How do I let him go?
And how do I stop hatting myself and feeling so bitter?
Should I try to be friends again?

Let me know your opinion…



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“Street Dreams Are Made Of These. Foxes On They Knees For Wolves With Big G’s”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4NtdEuJ75k]

this album use to be my SHIT!
i knew after that video nas could have my whole foxhole.

Lord do I need a vacation.
I need to get away from The Concrete Forest.
I am beyond over it and can’t even afford it.

I was talking to an ex-coworker who just came from a vacation in Florida.
He was telling me about a hotel he stayed in with his girl for a couple days.
It was nothing but fun, sun, and sex every night.

I went to the website of the hotel website and instantly drooled.
I need a week of fun, sun, and sex too!

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God, I Never Been Fucked In My Ass Harder Than I Have Been With Karma

Job 4:8 says, “As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it.”

Do you believe the following Bible verse?
If not, stand by the window so that lightning bolt can proceed to hit your ass.
I am a strong believer in that little bitch named “Karma”.

I have seen her come in and whip people in to shape RIGHT.
She is like a super hero for good.
Bad people did something wrong or ignorant and they were indeed punished.
I, alas, have even experienced some karma of my own.
I started to wonder…

Is karma just something we hold onto when we are done wrong?

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Jamari-ism (1)

If you want something or someone,
ask for it and then let it go.
I find that when I want something,
I will mentally say “I WANT THAT” and forget all about it.
Those are the things I usually get.
A little bit of Law of Attraction never hurt, right?

But I have noticed….

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Maybe I Need To Sit The F*ck Down?

I have to come to understand what my biggest problem is.
It took me all these years to finally sum up my issue in one word….

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Sit Me In The Back Please

I close my eyes and I open them to what I so uniquely imagine….

I am sitting in a restaurant.
I’m in a black booth with red leather seats.
It is shaped like a dysfunctional cupcake.
I am far in the back.
I’m not the type to be all in the front.
That is where it is easy access for everyone to bother and stare at me.
I despise people staring at me.
I am in a special VIP seating where only the big ballers pay.
I was one of those big ballers at last….

Continue reading “Sit Me In The Back Please”