Maybe I Need To Sit The F*ck Down?

I have to come to understand what my biggest problem is.
It took me all these years to finally sum up my issue in one word….



I lack patience.
I always want things NOW NOW NOW.
If they do not happen NOW NOW NOW, then I get depressed and I pout.
After the pouting stops, I start to over-think and then I get stressed.
Stressing then leads to anxiety attacks and BOOM – I’m a fucking mess.

I blame my parents.
They spoiled us rotten.
I see now how that was a problem.

Now that I have grown up, I realize that it has traveled with me all through my young adulthood.
Thankfully I know how to curb it with shopping…
… kinda…
…but when it comes to looking for a Wolf, I am impatient.
I want the “Devin Thomas” of the world at my beck and call and if he isn’t here…


Yeah I’m really fucking impatient.
That is what’s wrong with me.

But I notice with others, things just happened.
They didn’t stress out like me.
They just went with the flow and they got what they wanted.
Star Fox went with the flow and has already met another Wolf (and a finer one than last).
I notice with him that he just puts his trust in the man above and things usually just work out.

I imagine if I let go and let things flow naturally, would it make things better?
Try my best not to expect anything and kind of just go about my business and smell the roses for once.
Would my life be better?
Or would I reach 175 years old with 25 cats in one cramped hoarder’s apartment?

Even Jim Jones is weeping for me.

I noticed that, usually, when I had to wait for things to happen the outcome was amazing.
Men, money, jobs, clothes, sex… whatever.
When I rushed something with my impatient ass, it usually didn’t end up as I would have hoped.
But all those things that Jamari had to use The Law of Attraction on,
they all came into fruition with blessings storming down.

As I sit here and think back to those embarrassing and lonely times,
was it because I was trying WAY to hard?


12 thoughts on “Maybe I Need To Sit The F*ck Down?

      1. We don’t always know what’s best for us, so that thing we’re chasing may not really be the thing(s) we truly need. I thought I wanted ‘X,’ but it turned out ‘Z’ was better.

        Gotta be in touch with your/The s(S)pirit for that…

  1. I’m sure that impatient mentality and going after what you want in the now is what got you to this point in other areas of your life. And no, you can’t really rush things with men because you’re operating on two different time schedules. If Star fox is meeting men that you would be interested in, it’s time to access how he’s going about it because I’m sure he isn’t just waiting around for it to happen. That’s the difference. This idea that if you wait around for it to happen and aren’t putting yourself in positions for it to and are repeating the same “I’m doing my best to stay hidden so try and find me” type behavior, I’m sure things will be difficult for you. Patience and all of these other nebulous concepts don’t exactly give you practical ways of going about meeting men when most men in out community are trying to stay low key. It’s important that break your habits, move around in different circles, do different things, go to different places, and fill up your life.

    You need to ensure that your beliefs about relationships, love, and yourself are congruent with what you’re looking for. Have an honest conversation with yourself and get real about who you are, what you want, and your expectations to ensure that you are not only acting in your own best interests but that you are not engaging in counterproductive mentality and behaviors.

    1. ^i love u for this!!
      then the cycle happens…
      its like a circle of hopelessness.

      I’m re-evaluating my whole belief/jamari mental patience system starting yesterday….

      1. I believe in being an active agent in your life and honestly believing the things you want are attainable while not letting set backs de-motivate you. So please let us know how it goes…

  2. I said this before. Does anyone ever hear me? lol I think I said this on vain’s blog a few weeks ago. hell i always say this. That damn lack of patience is a killer, but on the other hand we havent lived enough years to know. We are only in our early 20s trying to navigate this thing. But, the point is, is that you realize it and work towards improving it early on so you arent this way at 80.

  3. It’s usually that way. Every opportunity isn’t a good one. Iont care what anyone says, there is a God & He’s bigger than all of us. He knows what you need better than you do; so just sit back & listen for that little still voice. Know why it’s a small, quiet voice? Cuz you have to be still to listen.

    Not to say be lazy & wait for everything to come to you, but you feel me… 😉

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