I have to come to understand what my biggest problem is.
It took me all these years to finally sum up my issue in one word….
JAMARI FOX IN IMPATIENT.
I lack patience.
I always want things NOW NOW NOW.
If they do not happen NOW NOW NOW, then I get depressed and I pout.
After the pouting stops, I start to over-think and then I get stressed.
Stressing then leads to anxiety attacks and BOOM – I’m a fucking mess.
I blame my parents.
They spoiled us rotten.
I see now how that was a problem.
Now that I have grown up, I realize that it has traveled with me all through my young adulthood.
Thankfully I know how to curb it with shopping…
…but when it comes to looking for a Wolf, I am impatient.
I want the “Devin Thomas” of the world at my beck and call and if he isn’t here…
I AM ASKING MYSELF WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Yeah I’m really fucking impatient.
That is what’s wrong with me.
But I notice with others, things just happened.
They didn’t stress out like me.
They just went with the flow and they got what they wanted.
Star Fox went with the flow and has already met another Wolf (and a finer one than last).
I notice with him that he just puts his trust in the man above and things usually just work out.
I imagine if I let go and let things flow naturally, would it make things better?
Try my best not to expect anything and kind of just go about my business and smell the roses for once.
Would my life be better?
Or would I reach 175 years old with 25 cats in one cramped hoarder’s apartment?
Even Jim Jones is weeping for me.
I noticed that, usually, when I had to wait for things to happen the outcome was amazing.
Men, money, jobs, clothes, sex… whatever.
When I rushed something with my impatient ass, it usually didn’t end up as I would have hoped.
But all those things that Jamari had to use The Law of Attraction on,
they all came into fruition with blessings storming down.
As I sit here and think back to those embarrassing and lonely times,
was it because I was trying WAY to hard?