does the “gay” or “black” come first when addressing you?

during the jussie smollett shenanigans last week,
i was speaking to one of my fav vix bi on the ig foxhole.
she usually keeps me up to date with the latest happenings.
well,
she asked me a question that stayed with me.
it was:

Do you consider yourself to be a “gay black” fox or a “black gay” fox?

hmm.
i fonted that i was…

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f0xmail: i am homophobic towards myself and others. help!

FOXHOLE

Good day Jamari, I’m an avid reader of your blog and I have always viewed everyday after the day’s activities, well done. 

I’m a 21-year-old university student in West Central Africa and I had discovered my sexuality few years ago, I know full well that I’m homosexual, not heterosexual, nor bisexual. (albeit I have a smokescreen girlfriend, but she doesn’t even know she is hoax). Don’t blame me, I’m trying to not draw attention to my sexuality, because I could get close to 20 years jail term for it.
Consequently, I struggle with self-hate and hate related issues, probably due to the extremely homophobic environment I grew up in or perhaps, the fact that literally and metaphorically everyone around here is homophobic – I don’t really know which for sure. 

But I’m devastatingly tired of living life this way, I’ve missed lots of opportunities to be involved with men who find me attractive, e.g. In my university, I ignore men who look my way and sometimes I even feel disgust and throw homophobic slurs at them like “stop looking at me, faggot” and stuff like that – I don’t know if you understand me?

 

Other times, I had been the one to show interest and when they requite, I start to ignore, give them stern looks, and completely change my behaviors towards them. I totally find the idea of two men kissing repulsive and reprehensible, and at the same time fantasize the same.
I don’t plan on coming out to anyone ever, and I know for sure that nothing would induce me to.
My life is simply a paradox right now (in terms of my sexuality) and it also feels as an enigma to even myself.
Thank you.

MY ANSWER…

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don lemon shares his views about dating in the gay community

it’s hard to date in the gay forests.
so many rules and regulations.
you’ll meet someone great,
but he isn’t your type or vice versa.
everyone is fighting for the last piece of masculine meat they find.
you’ll meet someone fine af,
but he just wants to fuck your brains out.
you’ll meet someone,
the vibe is poppin‘,
and then be hit with:

“I’m not looking for anything serious.”

oh,
you’ll stop once you catch a serious sexually transmitted disease?
noted.
for most of us,
it’s hard to date in the black gay community.
in my past hunting sessions,
some black wolves are pure and utter trash.
don lemon learned that and shared his insight on “red table talk”,
with jada pinkett smith,
willow smith,
and mama adrienne.
this is what he had to share
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someday this pain will be useful to you (tripp ali gets on top again)

tripp ali acts really well.
at least,
i like to think so.
he reminds me of omari hardwick for whatever reason.
he is my acting wolf bae in my head.
so i was privileged to be sent a screener for his latest project,
“someday this pain will be useful to you”.
it was directed and shot by lamont pierre.
this is what the synopsis of the series is:

An angry outcast on the run after the murdering of his lover in a crime of passion spends his nights meandering from one small town to the next guarding his black heart and perpetrating his deadly sexual whims onto unsuspecting lovers.

and this is the trailer...

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some homophobes always have secrets hidden in their closets (ernest angley)

i love stupidity.
i really do.
it makes me soooo…
horny.
you know what makes me harder than chinese arithmetic?

When I find out homophobes know their way around a gay sexual experience

ugh.
everyone meet ernest angley.
he’s a anti-gay televangelist with a interesting alleged past.
according to “raw story”,
he admitted to having relations with another male back in the day.
this is what someone dug up in an alleged recording
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people are not gonna like you because you’re gay

ya know,
i could sit here and font about a male.
pick any male.
once i font about him,
he’s instantly in google.
i could font about all his career aspirations,
how fine af he is,
and guess what?
some of them still won’t respect me because i’m gay.
being gay to some is lower than being a criminal.
it use to bug me,
but now i realize:

I got something out of it just as much as they did

see?
i changed my perspective so it doesn’t bother me as much.
i’ve become a lot more selfish with what i gaf about.
one of my foxholers hit me up in dms about an encounter on POF…

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