Straight Males Ain’t Settling Until They Ready (Gay Males Probably Never)

i’ve grown to become cautious with other males.
and family.
i’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
i’ve woken up and realized most of them just ain’t ever gonna be shit.
there is a tweet that is creating a lot of conversation today.
this is it…

…and it’s 110% facts.
most of us are fuckin stupid.
we will drop the one who held us down,
settle heavy with some idiot we legit just met,
and then be out here singing “song cry” by jay.
with that shit.
i’ve seen it happen a million times to so many vixens..
the one that held them down gets dragged through the mud,
while some random gets a ring and a cub(s).
after they realize that random was NOT the one,
then they want to cheat on the random and play the victim.
they now realize “the one” has bounced,
so they go through many other randoms to find a replica.
dropping a ton of seeds along the way.

gay males have this issue,
but in different ways.

a) met the one but cheating all day and night
b) met the one(s) but don’t want to settle down
c) what is “the one”?

our version of settling is waking up one day and realizing we’re alone.
the one(s) have moved on,
most of our friends/fuck buddies have died of hiv,
or we never could be trusted to have friends/”the one” in the first place.
that realization can be a tough blow.

straight males rule the dating game.
they pick who they’re gonna date/marry.
in this life i live,
no one truly rules anything.
everyone is lost out here.
i can’t wake up and say:

“I’m gonna call up ________ because we are mutual interested in a relationship.
we both want to make it work,
and become a power couple on these hoes.”

i can call up that same _______ for some no strings dick tho.
now that’s easy!
like vixens,
i think we need to get “the fantasy” out of our heads.
what the perfect boyfriend/husband would be like.
he doesn’t exist.
that is the major key in dating males.
you aren’t here to:

cater to some male like a maid or a butler
raise him like his mama or daddy should have
fuck and suck him on command like a on call hoe
give him free advice like you’re a life coach

you can do all that and still be outta there.

listen after being treated like shit,
or replaced for “someone better”,
i’ve gotten a lot colder in 2018.
i won’t let anyone take my kindness and empathy,
but i don’t see wolves as i once saw them.
most of them i see as sex toys,
but they are all sketchy until proven otherwise.
that fairy tale of meeting “the perfect wolf” doesn’t exist.


i’m actually the GREAT catch.
 no one is like me or will do the things i do.
belee dat.
 i’m not wasting myself on some emotional bum pineapple.
been there; done that.
a few times too many.

i ain’t chasing or looking too hard either.
like that tweet said,
your match will find you.
he might even drop someone else because you came along at the right time.
your job is to love yourself and build your perfect life.
have fun
in between that.
everything should because YOU want to do it.
no one else should be what makes you happy.
you’ll always be disappointed.
i ain’t waiting around because i may not ever find anyone.
that’s the reality of life so i might as well make myself happy.
no more weak ass males allowed.

lowkey: foxhole,
check out the conversation in the tweet.
i was mind blown…

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

25 thoughts on “Straight Males Ain’t Settling Until They Ready (Gay Males Probably Never)”

  1. 🙄 what’s so bad about being alone? I swear, most of you Gay kneegrows ain’t been through a damn thing in life. You THINK you’ve gone through some shtt but most of you have not. Having witnessed the ugliness of humankind I’m perfectly content with traveling alone, eating alone, moviegoing alone and f*cking myself alone if need be. No one is going to safe you from yourself so stop searching.

    And can we please stop comparing ourselves to vixens or straight men. Our experiences have vastly different complexities to factor into the conversation.

    1. This is a very interesting comment & I was thinking on posting something very similar to this early.

      +1 !!

    2. There is nothing wrong with being alone. I’ve learned to enjoy my solo company and experience the finer and simple pleasures of life. To be honest, it’s an amazing thing to be alone. However, from personal experience and not on someone else’s account there is nothing wrong with wanting a companion. I believe sometimes we do get wrapped up in an ideal and that’s where things become tricky. I chose on many account s to give another gentlemen the opportunity to establish something but it never really worked out because he and I were incompatible because of these ideals and expectations we held on one another. I believe taking time to value yourself, do the things you love, and focusing overall health is the most vital things to do before anyone of us chooses to commit to another life. We must stop comparing ourselves to each other not just straight men and women but to our peers. We need more empathy and understanding so that we can make choices that will better us.

  2. Briefly, I read the comments about loving yourself and treating yourself as a priority. This is important and can help you make better decisions for yourself but this does not stop any man/woman that you are dating to treat you less than you expect/deserve.

    1. Love this. And its so true! Loving yourself should always come first. But you can still get played out here no one is immune.

  3. It’s crazy how truthful this is. But more importantly take this in. I’ve been getting to know this dude since the beginning of January and what I thought was good chemistry was just a facade of him reaping the benefits of my company,home, affection, sex, etc. we’ve expressed interested in one another but soon it turned out to be just him seeing us as friends. – So many mixed emotions and signals from him. Here I am still attempting to hold on and wait for something to change but when I question it he only sees me as his friend and that we are team. The most F’ed up part is I started attempting to date again because this was going nowhere and all things went left. After having company one night, he got jealous and made me feel as if I was wrong. One day he’s all over me the next he’s ghost (even when he’s around me)

    For somebody who doesn’t want me in that way sure as hell wants all the benefits of my live and domestication. I’ve always wanted someone who’d appreciate me and what I bought to the table.

    I hate to sound so depressing but I honestly feel that love is dead – especially for us gay males. It’s as if you give them what they want but yet their appetite will always leave them wanting more and tbh, that more will probably becoming from these social apps, gay bars, promiscuous friend circles, etc.

    1. I still believe in love and think we all deserve a chance to experience it but I’m definitely not out in these streets chasing a fairytale. Love is out there but in our world, sex overshadows it. Look how easy it is to get some ass/dick? Snap of a finger. So the process of dating and getting to know someone is pointless to some.

  4. It really is an across the board thing. Straight, gay, bi it dont matter men ain’t worth a damn. Even the seemingly nice ones pull stunts. And I’ll even unclude myself because we all have bad traits but, I at least attempt self awareness and reflect on my behavior.

    That being said dating is a circus lime no other and is a mix of good, really bad, and sometimes ugly. I honestly do believe that half the battle wit dating is timing. U truly have to meet the right person at the right time for any success.

    And on a personal note the “be the person you want to date” mantra falls flat for me. I feel its only gays that say this because a lot of us tend to date our clones due to narcissism and if so more power to ya. But I dont want to date a clone of me, I might as well be by myself. I want someone who has similar interests but different enough to complement me as well.

    1. By that I mean, I don’t mean date a clone. I mean don’t be an incomplete, boring person looking for someone to fulfill you.

      So many of us tie our identities in relationships (or lack thereof), put up with bullshit, and get bitter about it.

      That is also directed to folks who demand the best conversations, intimate dates, ambition and an assortment of other traits and lack those qualities themselves. Why should anyone want to be with you? Hell, would you date you?

      This is a general perspective. No one is owed someone else’s companionship. Niggas may not be shit but control what you can. Love (and heal) yourself. Sweep around your own doorstep first.

      1. You made some good points and I agree especially on your last paragraph. Didnt mean my comment as a dig at yours. Just hear that phrase a lot from people who want a doppelganger.

  5. I have a whole I want to say about this but I’m not gonna post my usual Bible. I agree with some of the posts, most notably Black Bastards.

    I will say this though. If you Keep on Living, You’ll Never Stop Learning.

  6. This is fascinating to me. I have gay male friends who claim that dating is this impossible circus of bullshit and others who found somebody randomly (Tinder, the club, etc.) and have been together for years.

    For me, dating got easier (and fun!) when I let that closet/DL/discreet shit go. If I ruled the world, folks would go enjoy being single for a little bit and enjoy dating and meeting people (pro-tip: you don’t HAVE to fuck them) instead of dying to meet “the one” immediately. There are a lot of us in the gay community who didn’t date/experiment as youth and young adults like straight people did so we carry on with that behavior later in life.

    Invest time in yourself and quality friendships. Get hobbies and do some fun shit. Be the kind of person you want to attract. There are great, level-headed, sane gay black men out here once you look past the glitz of all the messy Instagram “celebri-gays” and their super-cliques (this might be more of a DC/Atlanta phenomenon).

  7. Straight men are like the winter seasons, when it stop snowing the whole winter wardrobe goes in the closet. It’s an on and off switch and they act on gay tendency when they feel like it. So don’t expect them to call you or kiss you on the lips! I know these men and they tell me how they feel especially when they have a wife or girlfriend but can’t control there dicks when they see you. Jamari good piece.

    1. ^you hit the nail on the head with straight males date like gay males.
      as much as some of them claim they dont fuck with gays,
      they sure do adopt our “ways”….

      1. Interestingly, I find they like to call it “Experimenting”.. and most are trying to figure themselves out, but are very cautious. Another trait I find is that they won’t give me their numbers, although recently I’ve tried giving my business card out so they know where to find the dog bone

  8. So true. It’s difficult when you’re only attracted to a certain type of guy and we are the minority in every city. I’ve only dated guys who have just as much to lose as i do. I know that because I’m DL and only date guys that are the same, it seems the relationship can’t really go anywhere, but what do I do?

    1. ^i think you made need to run in circles that have the type of DL/discreet that have something to lose and are extremely private.
      i’m looking for a discreet/DL circle myself.
      it’s hard because you don’t know where to start so i feel you!

    2. Those are the only types to deal with if you’re DL. You can’t mess with someone who’s openly gay…the moment you tick them off, they’re trying to out your ass.
      Not all, just the petty ass ones.

  9. My homegirl today was like, ‘it’s so much potential for you out here!’ I’m like sis where? Lol. I try not to be on that bitter ‘n*ggas ain’t shit’ hype but majority aren’t. I’ve met some quality dudes but they were boo’d up or seriously damaged from a previous relationship. I put the idea of a relationship aside and decided to gain more self love and appreciate my own company. I’m loving it right now 🧡.

    1. ^isnt it amazing?

      for the first time in my life,
      i appreciate me.
      i’ve been trying to find my “wolf” and got hurt way too many times.
      being led on,
      and falling for confused straights.
      nah homie.
      that last situation really broke me down and woke me up.

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