i had an interesting talk with work wolf today.
was it the start the “movin on” process?
or did i shoot myself in the foot?
well he decided to be honest first…
so as we sat and talked,
he wanted to talk to me about caring so much.
he notices i care a lot about different things.
he wants me to relax.
“stop thinking so much”.
i asked him what he expected from our friendship.
i felt like i do too much as far as he is concerned.
i didn’t want to smother him or act like his “girlfriend”.
“so you want me to back off?”
“naw i didn’t say that.”
he said that when i ask him if he messes with liar liar,
that it really makes him mad.
it makes him feel i don’t believe him,
but then he said:
“…and why do you care if i did?”
“should i be honest?”
i want you to always be honest with me…”
so i told him that i felt i would lose his friendship to her.
i know what kind of person she is and felt jealous.
you don’t have to feel like that.
i told you i’m not interested in that hoe.”
“well i felt that way when i had feelings for you.
when it all came out that you both were talking,
it made me a little jealous…”
but you know i’m not…”
he didn’t finish.
i already knew what he meant.
he did understand why i would feel a certain way after our history.
i told him that i wouldn’t ask him about her anymore.
“thanks because you kept obsessing over that chick.”
that is me slappin’ myself again.
i felt embarrassed.
i didn’t like how i was coming off to me.
it was like i had a mirror in front of me.
i looked ugly.
he said he doesn’t care what we do.
who finds out we are friends,
and is happy with our friendship.
he loves me for who i am.
he says we are friends for life and he “understands me”.
i did feel a sadness wash over me.
i really need to move on from him.
well i have no choice.
he usually texts me during the day,
but he hasn’t after we got back from lunch.
i don’t know if i scared him off.
was i too honest?
maybe its for the best?
he said he would never leave,
but why does it feel like he checked out today?
was i stupid for being so honest?
lowkey: i feel a much needed reinvention coming on.
i need it.