Slap Me In The Afternoon and Then Walk Away?

tumblr_ljrsowcqCM1qhyj1jo1_500i had an interesting talk with work wolf today.
was it the start the “movin on” process?
or did i shoot myself in the foot?

well he decided to be honest first…

so as we sat and talked,
he wanted to talk to me about caring so much.
he notices i care a lot about different things.
he wants me to relax.
“stop thinking so much”.
i asked him what he expected from our friendship.
i felt like i do too much as far as he is concerned.
i didn’t want to smother him or act like his “girlfriend”.

“you right.”

“so you want me to back off?”

“naw i didn’t say that.”

he said that when i ask him if he messes with liar liar,
that it really makes him mad.
it makes him feel i don’t believe him,
but then he said:

“…and why do you care if i did?”

robin-thicke-footslapi stopped for a second.
why did i care?
was i gonna have to admit?
well i decided to go for it:

“should i be honest?”

“yes.
i want you to always be honest with me…”

so i told him that i felt i would lose his friendship to her.
i know what kind of person she is and felt jealous.

“naw jamari.
you don’t have to feel like that.
i told you i’m not interested in that hoe.”

“well i felt that way when i had feelings for you.
when it all came out that you both were talking,
it made me a little jealous…”

“i know,
but you know i’m not…”

he didn’t finish.
i already knew what he meant.
he did understand why i would feel a certain way after our history.
i told him that i wouldn’t ask him about her anymore.

“thanks because you kept obsessing over that chick.”

tumblr_m1qx69pmji1r7r1l7o1_400_zpska6sveo1that is me slappin’ myself again.
i felt embarrassed.
insecure.
foolish.
i didn’t like how i was coming off to me.
it was like i had a mirror in front of me.
i looked ugly.
he said he doesn’t care what we do.
who finds out we are friends,
and is happy with our friendship.
he loves me for who i am.
he says we are friends for life and he “understands me”.
i did feel a sadness wash over me.
tumblr_mbi4v2l43j1rtgzofo1_500i really need to move on from him.
well i have no choice.

he usually texts me during the day,
but he hasn’t after we got back from lunch.
i don’t know if i scared him off.
was i too honest?
maybe its for the best?
he said he would never leave,
but why does it feel like he checked out today?
was i stupid for being so honest?

lowkey: i feel a much needed reinvention coming on.
mental.
physical.
emotional.
i need it.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

29 thoughts on “Slap Me In The Afternoon and Then Walk Away?

  1. I ‘m glad you guys were able to have an honest conversation and that he was able to tell you how he was feeling. The friendship is defiantly there and real but I feel like in order for you to move on from these feelings you are going to have to maybe give him and yourself some space. The way you’re feeling now as if you’re coming off as some nagging girlfriend will only increased because of your romantic feelings for him. I know it’s gonna be hard to lessen your time but some time apart may be good to keep things in perceptive for you.

    We as foxes put too much of our time and focus to these wolves we lust for only to be left with nothing to show for it also of times. You’re not alone in this struggle.

    1. ^i feel embarrassed mikey.
      i agree on that space.
      i won’t hit him up until he does.
      he usually does anyway,
      but I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable or think I’m doing too much.

      1. Don’t be embarrassed. Always remember a wolf likes to chase..nit be chased. You will get what you want when you stop chasing after it but rather when it catches up to you. Sunconsciously he is secure because he knows you are always accesdible…but what would happen if you aren’t always a few floors away…hmmmm invest time in you and with you.

  2. Don’t be too hard on yourself J. Take it as a learning experience and I’m joining you on this reinvention because I need to change up my mindset for this new school year.

    1. ^yeah a heavy reinvention coming for the fall.
      I know everyone probably thinks I caused this situation,
      but he isn’t innocent.
      I don’t just get lead on by straight wolves.
      so I won’t apologize for feeling like he played a role in this as well.
      i know a lot of straight wolves and I know who sees me the way they do.

      1. Thinks?…Know so,lol. Yes he also takes fault for how things are too……BUT he cant control what youdo or how you respond.Only you can do that. I totally know how you feel because i went through the SAME thing with my Work Wolf except it didnt end too nice.We This is a chance to learn and grow from this. As i said before fall and get back up. I feel you’ll get through this.

      2. Idk if u saw what i said in the other post, but i said its not all on u. U didnt make this up, his ambiguous actions played a huge part. I know the friendship is real but he prolly got off to the fact of u liking him. He knew it from the start thats y u tellin him was no shock. Like i said your vixen friend saw something so thats an unbiased person’s assessment. He aint the first str8 guy to befriend a gay guy. Most str8 guys wouldnt have done what he has and its beyond caring and understanding. He may not be gay or even bi but it has to be an explanation. Maybe he responds that way cuz he feels its appropriate to do so towards someone he feels is emotionally female. All in all if u focus on u and make yall friendship even u will feel alot better.

  3. U know what I’m impress by him and that a lot for me cause I don’t like nor trust str8 wolves at all, but he seems genuine.

  4. OMG If you don’t relax and go with the flow. At this point you need to redirect your focus and energy on someone or something else; easier said than done, I know this. Actually this is advice for myself as well. We should never allow one person to have that much power over our emotions J. #SelfCheck #YouGotThis #WithLove

  5. I think we are so much alike we worry so much and overthink situations. Work Wolf makes you happy so don’t push me away or leave. I think what you need to do is get your butt in a gym and get a trainer to help you, and you can possibly meet a wolf there. Like someone posted earlier once you meet some other guy or focus your energy on something else work wolf will be running to you.

  6. Jamari , sometimes we create situations in our head that’s not even there. So far imho work wolf seems to be secure with himself and your friendship. Take a moment and exhale. And stop over thinking!!!!! Life’s to short, cause the next nano second isn’t promised. Live your life baby!!!!!

  7. Jamari, please stop living your life for someone else. The only way you’re going to really be happy is to live your life for you. I don’t want to be critical or harsh but when was the last time you did something just for you? Not as a distraction from “work wolf” but, just because it’s something that makes Jamari happy. If you wanna distance yourself from “work wolf” do it for you not just to see if he comes running. If you wanna go to the gym then go because it makes you feel good. If you wanna chill with another wolf then do it because, you enjoy his company. If you wanna work on the site do it because you want your traffic put buzzfeed, Perez hilton, worldstar, bossip, and etc…to shame. It doesn’t matter what you do just do it for YOU not for or as a distraction from anyone else.

  8. You need to decompress for a few days, to get away from the job, Liar Liar, Work Wolf,even this site.Have you already used your vacation days for 2015?It’s difficult to self reflect or self evaluate when you are under pressure to meet deadlines or post entries.It is easier to relax when you are not on a schedule.You need to just focus on yourself or as someone said date yourself.I realize you don’t have money to go on a vacation or go to a spa but maybe you can do a staycation and get a low cost massage or pamper yourself at home to relieve some physical and emotional stress.

  9. Jamari, Amongst other things (like hate, disdain, etc etc), you’re jealous of Liar Liar. This goes BEYOND you fearing you will “lose his friendship.” You’re jealous of her position. She was your arch nemesis even before work wolf came into the picture. So the fact that he has shown sexual interest in HER and not you KILLS you. She has the ability to get what you can’t have (The D). You hate that.

    That’s why you why you act the way you do when he mentions her. That’s why there is such a visceral reaction.

    If I were her I would sleep with him. Just to spite you. Work wolf is weak. He will easily fall for her shenanigans. She knows this. I would also assume she’s aware of your little crush too.

    She has the upper hand here bro. You in a dangerous place.

    Just think about this. I’m still rooting for you. Be careful.

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