No Tears or Sleep From (Mi)

i didn’t do much today.
sleep was not an option last night either.
i ended up watching 2 movies,
starting showtimes around 12am:

split
girl on the train

“split” was eh.
i highly recommend “girl on the train”.
it kept my mind briefly off mi and her situation.
well today wasn’t any better


“are you gonna go down there and see her?”
“you should have her come back to new yawk with you.”
“she is in a psych ward for God’s sake jamari.”
“mi burned so many bridges that she is out of luck now.”

those are all very valid questions and concerns from family members and friends.
i had family members who don’t even check on me blowing up my phone.

“hi this is insert banished one here,
your cousin is in the mental hospital down in florida…”

i’m still numb.
all i did today was catch up on last night’s sleep.
i went from being real active to simply wanting to sleep it all away.

i spoke to mi in this afternoon.
she wants to leave the mental facility in 3 days.
they are still set to 5 days.

“why?”

“because now that i know what i am,
i can start to work on it.
plus i have a job and i’m in school.”

well,
because of this,
you are now diagnosed as “bipolar”.
you shoulda thought of that before you tried to kill yourself also.
i didn’t say that,
but i did in nicer words say:

“sit yo ass down.”

she also mentioned wanting her phone to be on social media.
i ignored that.

i don’t know what is next to her.
once she leaves there,
she has to find her way.
she seems to have a lot of new couches becoming vacant for her.
i tried to provide it,
but she threw it all down the drain.
i’m concerned about her trying to commit suicide but…

I don’t particularly have any sympathy

is that wrong to font out loud?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

15 thoughts on “No Tears or Sleep From (Mi)

    1. ^you know,
      i have to thank ww for cutting me off and ghosting me the way he did.
      he helped me stop giving a fuck to those who have hurt me.
      ill always be concerned,
      but I won’t be fighting to reach out.

  1. No. You can be concerned and not have sympathy. She didn’t realize what she had in you until she reached her breaking point. Honestly, from what you’ve said about her are you sure she’s not doing it for attention? Oops…

    1. ^you know karoake mentioned that to me.
      it was in the back of my mind as well.
      if I tried to kill my self and ended up at a psych ward,
      i wouldn’t be so concerned with my social media or going home.
      i hope she didn’t try a scheme that backfired.
      she will further ruin her reputation.

  2. How did she make the attempt? And definitely don’t let her come back up here. You can’t be everyone’s beast of burden Jamari.

  3. You are not her Savior. Don’t feel guilty. You cant be a crutch for everybody buy you can pray for them and share whatever information to help them

  4. I won’t say that it is wrong to not have sympathy, as I can understand why. But, it is possible to understand her misfortune while also realizing that it is all her own doing. You have nothing to feel guilty for, you did everything you could to help but she had to find out on her own. The only help you need to give her is information on professionals who can help her. After that, just pray for her and hope she is able to learn from her mistakes. I know this from experience, as I used to find myself taking care of everybody else’s problems and neglecting mine. Now, I do my best to just give a quick word of advice and move on, though I’m so used to nurturing others that its hard sometimes. Either way, I’ll be praying for you and Mi.

    1. ^thank you miss m.
      this:

      “I know this from experience, as I used to find myself taking care of everybody else’s problems and neglecting mine. Now, I do my best to just give a quick word of advice and move on, though I’m so used to nurturing others that its hard sometimes.”

      this was me all day.
      things ave changed now where i’m learning to put me first.
      much appreciated for this comment.

  5. I told you in that post where she flipped on you before she was likely Bipolar.

    In any event, tell those that are so concerned with informing you to step in. She stayed with you rent free for the better part of a year.

    1. ^right as always.

      she just called me saying she wants to leave on sunday.
      like,
      mi sit down.
      she needs to be talking to them about ways in finding a shelter.
      she will not be coming back up here.
      i won’t stand for it.

  6. There is a difference between caring and doing too damn much and it looks like they want you to do too damn much.

    This is the problem w/ people they want to rush the process, take time and then go like stop rushing to get out and go somewhere and do something and process that stuff first.

  7. No, you shouldn’t feel bad. That’s how you feel based on your experience with her. There’s nothing wrong with giving her advice and trying to talk some sense into her, but don’t let that consume you. You can still love her, but from a distance.

  8. i want to thank everyone who has left comments and love.
    thank you for continuing to stay with me during this.
    i told the foxhole,
    family,
    and only 3 friends know right now.
    i appreciate everyone who continues to have my back during this journey.
    your comments really help me tremendously.

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