it happened to mi (again)

you ever been on cloud 9,
chillin super heavy,
and something just knocked you off that muthafucka?
this morning,

i got this text from a family member about mi

Hey Jamari,

Just wanted you to know that Mi is in a mental health facility again. She’s been calling me know for two days and I’m still dealing with my own health issues. I told her I’m not available to get involved with her stuff and that I’d let her aunt know about her situation. I thought you should know to. I have the number of the facility and left a message for the social worker to call me. I will give her any history that I can and let her know that me and family will not be in the middle of this anymore. Aunt asked me to give the social worker her number. Let me know if you want me to give them yours. Here is the number to the facility. If you call, you can ask to speak with someone regarding Mi. I told them when I called that I did not want to talk to Mi, but I wanted to speak with someone regarding her and her situation.

i had JUST got into work when i got that shit.
i had to set up for some important clients and that threw me off.
i responded and got this back:

No need to worry about me. I have learned to set really good boundaries for myself. If Mi was not blood, I would not even be bothered. I am just trying to do my Christian duty, but I will not be used by Mi or anyone else. My gauge – if all you do is take and never give, then I am not going to continue to give. Unfortunately, Mi is mentally ill and needs consistent medical treatment that she does not follow through with and she keeps ending up in this situation. I will prayer for her, but I will not sacrifice my life energy for her at this time. She needs to help herself. I’ll let you know if I hear from the mental health social worker.

Peace and Blessings to you! I pray all is well in world.

all was well in my world until she texted me that.
this is like the 4th time mi has been in a mental facility.
what’s crazy is she was on my spirit real heavy last week.
i wanted to know if she was okay,
but i refuse to engage with her.

The crazy part…

i still care and hope she is okay.
the last time i heard anything from her,
she was still homeless and living in the shelter.
it really bothered me that she’s even like this.
after i shared the text with those i’m closest to,
many of them responded:

“let it go”
“don’t call”
“you did all that you can…”
“not your problem…”

…but she is still family.
i can’t be a sociopath and cut my feelings off.

i ended up calling on my lunch break.
the social worker can’t give me anymore information on her.
why?
she didn’t sign the release form for that access.

That might have been the sign to leave it alone.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

12 thoughts on “it happened to mi (again)

  1. yes Jamari you got your sign…now look and listen. oftentimes ppl we love we have to let go after we’ve tried bf over and over. We had to do that with my brother…he had every opportunity in life yet he chose to become a career crack head plus mental illness coupled with being a plain thief about everything. when we came home to visit all our rooms and suitcases had to be locked to keep him from stealing. he had major life changing accidents and those still did not diminish what he wanted nor his lack of concern. he was self destructive and all entire family had to accept it…he chose to continue to be that way until the day he died. after he died not one family member could recall one good thing he did. so I agree with your other friends completely. a person has to be willing to acknowledge their problem and do something about it honestly.

    1. ^its really sad.
      it’s the mental illness that’s making a mockery of their life.
      i tried caz,
      but i can’t.
      this doesn’t align with my energy at all.

  2. You can love family members from a distance and remaining aware on whats happening is okay however you’ve engaged with that before and wasnt a good experience. I’m sure you’ve done all you can but let go and let GOD

    1. ^ they wanted me to take a day off to go see her.
      they could tell by my NOPE that wasn’t happening.
      i just got my job and i’m doing so good at it.

  3. Ya, know Jamari I totally co-sign with everything you’ve expressed in this post you really sound like someone who is truly worn out and tired you have every right to feel the way you feel sometimes you have to let go your body is telling you that you are fed up it’s not allowing you to abuse yourself anymore you’ve been emotionally violated too many times so don’t feel bad for doing you and I wanna say I love you you are a friend in my head and I’m so proud of how far you have come so keep it up and keep loving yourself.😘

  4. Never feel guilty about your own peace of mind. YOU can care but you can’t always save everybody. She needs professional help that you can’t give. You can write and let her know you care. That’s good enough until she learns to love and live for herself

  5. Hey, buddy. I know I’ve been MIA. Been dealing with my own issues, but I’m glad I tiptoed through the forest just now. LEAVE IT ALONE. I’ve been following you for a few years now, and Mi has been a constant burden on you without doing some serious ADULTING of her own.

    I’m gone tell you like someone told me, “How you gone spend yo emotional and spiritual energy on someone that won’t do it for themselves when YOU STILL WORKING ON YOU!??!?!?

    Scuse my vernacular, but FUCK that shit you talking “i can’t be a sociopath and cut my feelings off.”

    A sociopath wouldn’t have even had that thought, proof positive that thou art not!!!

    I love you, bro. Really and truly. You speak the thoughts I’m not 100% capable of voicing myself sometimes, but my continued jaunts through the Foxhole are slowly but surely breaking down those barriers. I want to see you BLOW UP, SON!!! That can’t happen with a divided focus. Pray and keep Mi lifted, but last I checked you ain’t walking on water or turning said water into wine. Mi will not do or get better until SHE is ready, and you have to reach the level of maturity to accept that she may never reach that point.

    Love you, man. Stay up.

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