i had an interesting discussion with a pastor this morning.
a pastor that also happens to be on the dl,
or so he thinks.
we met a few years ago and kept in touch ever so often.
he has been low key attracted to me,
but i would never.
everrrrrrr consider it.
that is code word for:
he got way too much going on
well the discussion was being yourself when looking for love…
as of late,
i have been getting prepared for my greatness.
i am very self conscious and i wanted to tackle that early.
so i started taking more pictures and videos of myself.
i want to get comfortable seeing myself.
i have picked apart:
i hated doing it.
i don’t know about anyone else,
but when i see myself on camera,
i start to pick apart all of my flaws and short comings.
as the trooper fox that i am,
i still continued.
i would even send them to my friends to get reactions.
all were positive and they were glad to see me shedding old fur.
…until i spoke to the pastor.
so i told him how i wondering how someone could love me?
i’m not some super masculine ig attentionisto who has his shirt.
i’m kinda just me.
is “me” attractive?
or do i need to be like “that” to find a wolf?
“well maybe you need to buck up.
put more bass in your voice.
you could also stop with the dressing stuff and start looking at more sports.
i had to change in order to be who i am.
i remember i use to wear tight jeans and my hair was dyed burgundy.
my pastor came to me to check me on it.
i changed and so can you.
i think that was one of the reasons work wolf fell off from you.
he saw you were into that fashion and beauty stuff.
he couldn’t bring you around his family and friends.”
that part about work wolf nearly had me in tears.
i won’t lie.
he made me feel like i did something wrong just being “myself”.
now he is going to be 60 soon.
he had a scandal with his ex wife and was outed by his gay lover.
it has been a mess for him.
he has dated countless foxes,
which confused me given is personality,
but he is definitely from another generation of “us”.
i had to wonder about being our true selves.
your “true self” is who you are behind all these cameras and filters.
it’s the “snapchat” to your “instagram”.
it’s being honest about:
who you are
saying what you like
how you feel
and the things that others would judge you for
it’s like everyone tries to be “one thing” on social media,
but when they meet you,
it could be a completely different story.
once they get comfortable and let their guard down,
the “true self” starts to show.
what you see about me on the foxhole is what you’re gonna get.
is that attractive to the wolves of today?
the ones who are into shirtless and super material?
do they want someone who cares way too much and capable of loving them?
someone who is kinda goofy,
and prone to moodiness?
or do i need to walk around acting “super macho” to be loved?
they say “be yourself“,
but when you do that,
it could be a problem.
i had to wonder…
Can your “true self” turn others off?
lowkey: i always loved when rihanna said this:
…but how do you know when you truly “love yourself?