have you ever said to yourself:
“i don’t want to be gay anymore”
…and really mean it?
there is no shame in admitting it.
we are all family in here.
i’m sure i have said it a couple times.
well it’s crazy when you interact with different foxholers,
they have many interesting ideas for their gay or bi lives.
some are truly not happy and would do anything to be fully straight.
there is no shame in that.
the life is not for everyone.
well i have been speaking to a foxholer who has been going to conversion therapy.
with his permission,
i asked if i could post our conversation for the foxhole.
he will remain anonymous.
i have a feeling some may relate to this conversation…
when he went to the therapist,
he was told to own all the freaky things he has done.
the therapist looked at him like he was a hoe.
many of us are.
he was also told to describe how he felt before, during, and after:
“Before: Bored, lonely, depressed
During: serious face
After: exhausted enough to sleep and or slightly dirty”
i asked him if he felt the same with vixens.
he admitted not really.
with males: “The sex was always a means to an end. I didn’t have to worry about expectations of a relationship or courtship like with most women.”
he told me about the first time he ever messed with a male:
“Didn’t mess with a dude until I was like 19 and stressed out during finals week. First time getting oral sex. Couldn’t stay hard even after he put my dick in his ass for a little while. From then on I usually only got with dudes when I was stressed or depressed.”
the therapist suggested something profound to him about what could have led to his attraction to males:
“He basically explained that my complicated relationship with my father could’ve led to homosexual feelings. In my case I wasn’t the most normal boy growing up and because he did not affirm who I was unconditionally, masculinity became a learner behavior, something objectified and eventually sexualized later on.
I can admit I was typically attracted to men I wanted to be and I really wanted approval.
But yeah the basic idea is where you ultimately see yourself in the future. He talked about how a lot of gay men end up being single caricatures that end up resentful towards their families and trying to have surrogate romantic relationships with men that don’t last.”
a complete “a-ha” moment with that.
the foxholer also interacted with others in the therapy:
“I just want to emphasize it’s completely voluntary and I’ve met other young people there working through their issues. The first step is acknowledging you’re having homosexual feelings or engaging in the behavior, which I found very interesting. Then moving towards the root of it. Not everyone had feelings for the same sex at 5 years old. I know my only interest was in gay porn among just about any and all porn in my late teens.
Arguable that’s impossible but it does dissipate attraction to the same sex and redirect it more to the opposite sex.
I had no emotional attachment to the same sex so it wasn’t as hard for me.
It’s not for everyone. The two dudes I talked to kind of just wanted the traditional family and kids. I asked them if they still notice attractive men and they said yes but they don’t have the desire to engage in sex with men because they know what they ultimately want.”
another “a-ha” moment.
he is moving on slowly from the life:
“I deleted the booty pic file starting in 2006 so you know it’s real. My iPhone has been delivert!
I’m mostly just ready for a change and I could feel myself slipping into depression again.
Acceptance might not be in the church for some, but it certainly isn’t in the gay culture either.
I do feel sorry for some of the men I’ve met though. I feel like there’s no chance they’ll ever find the happy ending they seek but even I’m not cold enough to tell them that.
By the standards already setup, your stock plummets with men going into the 30’s and getting older and who’s really finding love in their 40s and 50s these days? It’s like becoming a victim in the cycle you participate in.
I think about kids. If I die, my last name and family die with me. Nothing of me left behind.
i know the foxhole isn’t good for his new life.
it made me feel sad as he is so amazing to me and is moving on.
i love conversations like this tho.
it helps open up my own issues with the life as well.
i’ll be legit with you foxhole…
the life can be a bit dead end-ish.
even if you are out…
Is there anyone really happy being gay?
hell even bi?
the sex is plentiful,
but is that enough to keep you happy until you die?
you will have great lovers but no great loves.
i’m also tired of the fox shaming.
it’s all depressing and exhausting to me.
to be successful in the life,
i notice it thrives on 4 things:
d) an instagram account with over 50k followers
if you have all 4,
then you are winning.
is it really a win tho?
it all leads back to one nighters,
and jack off sessions on facetime.
on the other side,
being straight doesn’t exactly mean happiness either.
there are a ton of straight wolves who are lonely out there.
they may have the option marriage and of having cubs,
but what if the relationship doesn’t work out?
not many vixens wants a divorcee with cubs these days.
God forbid it’s with different vixens.
some are even shuddering at wolves with oow cubs.
if you check the dating apps,
there are plenty of straight wolves looking for love after a failed divorce.
“hi i’m alex.
i’m a recently divorced male.
i have five lovely cubs.
looking to get back into the field and find a connection with someone.”
he is paying alimony and child support to some vixen(s) who is getting her second wind.
don’t even get me started on the even lonely vixens out here.
that is a whole nother topic.
some are lucky to find love in the life and others don’t.
does being straight give you more of an edge of happiness?
is it the same issues just with a pussy attached to it?
or is the whole world fucked when it comes to dating/love in general?
i had to wonder is it being gay that’s the issue…
…Or is it simply you?
…and that doesn’t mean you are a problem.
you just have higher expectations in a dating world that has low ones.