Is it possible that chasing happiness is making us unhappy?

recently,
i had a revelation that feels like a total game changer.
ready for it?
cue the drum roll…

I’m not happy.

ta-da!
the problem is that i’ve been desperately trying to make myself happy,
and in doing so,
i’ve been making myself miserable when i see things are going wrong.
my vision is keen on noticing everything that is/has gone wrong.
i’ve pondered if i’ve been praying enough or does God actually hate me.
the constant struggle was creating this invisible resistance i didn’t even know existed.

a wise Foxholer,
who seemed to have been sent by the same God i thought had smoke for me,
advised me to embrace the present moment.

“Don’t fight it,
Jamari.
Don’t cover it up with a smiley sticker of toxic positivity.
Start by accepting all the shit and try not to think otherwise.”

scary at first.
i was living in my delusions and putting all my trust in God,
which felt abusive because i swore i was meant to suffer.
so,
here it is:

“I’m unhappy right now.
Things aren’t working out at the moment.
I’m depressed and extremely exhausted by all of my negative thoughts.
I feel out of control because things are out of control.
I desperate need more money and to be excited about the future.
I don’t feel sexy and Lord knows,
I don’t have the sex drive to ride a dick right now.
If the wolf of my dreams was to appear tomorrow,
I’d probably scare him off.”

cue the exhale.
there’s power in that truth.
by accepting it,
that’s when the real magic can begin.

so many of us are unhappy atm,
and we’re exhausting ourselves trying to rewrite that story.
it’s only making things worse and wreaking havoc on our self-esteem.
what if we just started by admitting we’re unhappy?

What if we acknowledged that things suck right now?
What if we hit the reset button instead of pause?

today is june 1st,
the ideal moment for a fresh start.
this new chapter?
i’ll name it later.

lowkey: as i was editing this entry,
i think i got my first sign of being in the right direction…

“The powerful angel number 1111 represents spiritual awakening, self-awareness, and personal growth. It signifies a soul ready for new beginnings and carries transformative energy. Embrace this guidance from guardian angels and trust in the universe’s message for your spiritual journey.” – ( x see it here )