I THINK SOME PEOPLE WHO DATE OUTSIDE THEIR RACE ARE SUFFERING FROM TRAUMA

when i first got to this country,
i was picked on pretty badly at my first school.
my mother enrolled me in a private catholic school.
she thought it would be better than being at a public school.

BOY WAS SHE WRONG.

i was jumped,
spit on,
and beat up for simply existing.
i was called rubber lips and made fun of for my features,
which made me hate my lips and my nose.
don’t even get me started on being called a sissy.
i wasn’t picked on for being “white”,
but i was different than my other classmates.
my accent was pretty thick and i cried easily.
even though it was a majority white school

I was bullied by a black and Asian duo who was doing it for white approval.

i faired better when i went to a public school.
for whatever reason,
i blended in there.
even with all of my bullying,
i never wanted to date exclusively white or other.
as horrible as i was treated,
i still have hope that i’ll settle with a black male of interest.
i’ve always had this theory that…

Some black folks were treated so badly that they suffer from trauma.
They end up going into spaces that accept them which are usually white or “other”.

every black actor or baller wolf that dates exclusively out gives me that vibe.
some of ya’ll call them “corny” now.
taye diggs,
who has been called corny by many within our community,
said in a recent interview how being called white hurt him:

trauma.
as of late,
he is dating black by being with the reality star,
ayprl jones.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Taye Diggs (@tayediggsinsta)

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Taye Diggs (@tayediggsinsta)

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Taye Diggs (@tayediggsinsta)

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Taye Diggs (@tayediggsinsta)

he seems really happy with her.
they actually mesh really well together.
we shall see how this goes.

i think we have to stop treating those who are different like shit.
not everyone is a thug or stereotypically hood.
some black folks choose to speak properly or enjoy nerdy shit.
let people be themselves without judgment.
this is why these vixens are praying for a russell wilson now.

i had to wonder after dating out for so long:

What makes someone who exclusively dates white or other come back to dating their own again?

lowkey: i heard that ciara is allegedly pregnant again.
like…

who knew this would have been ciara’s life.
i’ll allow it.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

21 thoughts on “I THINK SOME PEOPLE WHO DATE OUTSIDE THEIR RACE ARE SUFFERING FROM TRAUMA”

  1. Down South where I was raised, my friends and I who spoke coherently were told we were trying to talk proper. I absorbed it and the sissy jokes and jabs, but kept moving. As a adult, I am so so thankful to be able to present myself well. I love words and using them. As I type this sitting on my porch, my Business English teacher from highschool is inside her church, across the street from my home. She is 90 years old HBCU woman, and proud of what her work as a Educator has wrought in me. She was one of my inspirations. Looking back, I am grateful I did not bend or break.

  2. Dating people from other cultural perspectives is a positive experience for me.
    And Jamari, lately I have been exceptionally loquacious. Please pardon me for veering off topic.

  3. I was called nappy head & was told I acted white. I got over it. White people have said worse to me.

    I will say I’m actually glad they date outside their race. There are too many Black people in Black spaces who do not like Black people and are constantly negative and say passive aggressive shit. If it’s not that it’s that weirdo hippy “love is blind” shit. I’m sick of both types. They need to live in their truth. Become part of their significant other’s perfect flawless community and leave us the fuck alone.

  4. I was told I talked white so I adapted the ability to code switch. But I would hang with white people and notice their micro aggressions so I’d rather be around Black people and get roasted than hang with white ppl and be lynched or accused

    I think the “black people made fun of me” excuse is a cop out sometimes

    How do you not see Black and Brown men and want to date them?

    1. I’d rather be by myself. Like you, I’d get teased because I talked properly (“white”) and liked to read. I knew how to adapt to the group I was around. I’d get snarky comments from my white acquaintances and my black acquaintances, but I was never one to hold my tongue, and I’d come right back at them.

  5. BAAAAAEEEEEEBEEEEEEEEEYYYYYY I WOULD STAY KNOCKED UP BY RUSSELL UNTIL HE CUT ME OFF.

    I would never ever let that go. If they end up failing I swear no one has hope.

      1. Me too Jamari — a brotha with a big “schnozz” (Omar Sy, Dashaun Wesley, etc.) gets me up everytime. And I got JUST the place they can STICK IT!

  6. i think it is a given that most Black Gay males were picked on as children and it has left most of us with scars and a lifetime of trauma and many of us deal with it in different ways. I was teased for being quiet, shy and being a bookworm, sadly as a Black male during the time when I was growing up you were automatically put in a gay box for these qualities and to top it off I didn’t play sports so I didn’t have a leg to stand on. I can see that even to this day that I do not feel completely comfortable around Str8 Black Men. My working career has taken me into Str8 male environments so I have the Str8 man persona down to a science to just blend in, but I also realize that I am still scarred from childhood teasing and can never really be myself around them. Ironically I am a Gym-head now and I think subconsciously that the teasing from growing up not being athletic has pushed me as I am sure most Gay men who live in the gym to look like the boys who use to tease and intimidate us. I cant lie and say it doesn’t feel good to see all the boys from high school who use to give me hell; fat and out of shape looking at my body with a look of envy and the girls who never paid me any attention all in my face flirting. As bad as I was treated growing up, I have never wavered in my love for Black men and never once thought of dating outside of my race and really at this stage in my life I don’t have much for Black gay males who date exclusively outside of their race because in every experience I have encountered they go out of their way to almost be anti-Black toward other Black gay men. I cant get that mad at them though because I have no clue as to what trauma someone who dates outside of their race has suffered growing up. I see so many good looking accomplished Black Brothers who date white or other and will not give a Brother on equal footing with them a chance, and I think would these same people of other races even give these men the time of day, if they didnt have good careers and gym bodies and I think we all know the answer. I am thankful now for all the good and bad because it has shaped me to enjoy life, take time for myself, travel the world and be a Renaissance Man. I wish I could tell the young gay boys who are going through at this point in their life that it is greater later.

  7. Let’s not conflate issues. Knowing the difference btwn there, their, and they’re, does not get one accused of ‘acting white’. No one is accusing someone of being ‘white washed’ because they’re well spoken. Taye was/is indeed white washed. I won’t go into detail about how (not like that), but I know what I’m talking about.

    If someone is socialized with mostly white ppl, why are we still playing dumb and asking, ‘what does acting white even mean???’ Just like we all know black isn’t a monolith, we know that black adults always occupying white spaces and never black ones, is a choice.

    1. Also, I’m not on social media like that, so idk what their relationship looks like on there, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was an arrangement. April seems like a serial celeb hopper/’arm candy’ type, and I find it hard to imagine them being in the same space to meet in the first place. I have no proof, or a dog in the fight, but I would not be surprised at all if this was Taye’s attempt to rebrand and make himself visible in blk entertainment again. Hopefully for them it’s real and they’re happy.

  8. As a Black man who dates all races, but has a preference for Black men, this is an interesting topic. White men are indeed toxic and out to use us for our assets, but dating Black offers hella headaches too. Actually, I can’t really say “dating” because most of the Black men I come across only want to sex. Add in the preferences for light skin and it’s a war zone. The hot Black men I’m most into usually have a white gremlin on their arms, so….I’m losing all the way around. Also explains why I’m into all races. I like who likes me (makes it easier).

  9. I have no beef w interracial dating as long as it’s not a case of ‘I don’t date ____ (my own race). As a NYer, (wondering if Jamari and other Nyers would agree), I feel like when I see black guys in inter. relationships, they’re usually the only black in the circle. Very much cases of white socialized black gay men, occupying white gay spaces. You rarely see white gay men occupying their black partner’s spaces.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

%d bloggers like this: