karaoke and i usually have the most intense conversations.
that is what i love.
good animals and good talk.
we get into a subject that would open up for an interesting debate today.
the topic was about the future and relationships.
she said something that made me stop what i was doing.
“i think i want to be married or at least in a long term “oprah/stedman” relationship.
i’m getting older and being alone is a little scary.
what if i’m in need of a hip replacement?
who will take care of me?
those are things i think about nowadays.”
i think i was silent for a moment,
but i ended up agreeing with her.
now the karaoke from the past was not about that life.
she was down for open relationships and needing space.
she was very much about her independence.
well i don’t know what happened but shit changed.
it’s beautiful to see her changing her opinions and coming into her own.
that being said:
What she said was 110% tho
i don’t want to be 50 years old and alone.
i come home to a big crib that is just me.
i’m on chat sites every night looking for companionship.
all i have a dog named fufu and a cat named golden.
there are so many of “us” who have died alone.
all their friends died and they were the only ones standing.
it was either old age or some disease.
aids had many gays dying in hospital rooms,
only to be surrounded by nurses and doctors.
sometimes that wasn’t even the case.
their families disowned them and they had to suffer in silence.
this is why i don’t get this “cut everyone off/be alone/emo” shit.
i also don’t get the “burn bridges until you are by yourself” shit either.
it all seems sad to me.
Does anyone want companionship anymore?
i often think about what age would be perfect to die.
but bare with me.
i don’t want to live an age where i can’t wipe my own ass.
i don’t want to die young also.
i’d like to leave this world where i wouldn’t have to depend on a stranger.
nursing homes seem so scary to me.
shit like that scares me.
Does it scare anyone else?
we can hire anyone to take care of us,
but it won’t feel the same like someone who is with you.
someone who knows you and made love to you.
that is who i want to feel safe with in my future.
i refuse to be abused in some nursing home by a worker named “mercedes”.
makes you think.
god forbid we were out here really taking a regular pounding,
we def gonna need someone to change our diapers.
you know it’s true.