the line at subways was od long.
this random older white vixen starts talkin‘ to me.
i like talking to strangers.
you can learn a lot.
we started to chit chat about the weather and other things.
“you give off good vibes.
you have a good spirit.”
you should tell other people that.
the ones who hurt me.”
“they’ll learn soon.”
little did she know,
i was really feeling like my heart has been ripped out my chest.
it’s sad how i’m just aimlessly living life.
a life where:
i don’t realize my own strength and power
i’m lookin’ for someone to love me
i put others before me
i allowed and tolerated disrespect
i came to a decision today.
well i came to it two weeks ago,
but i shared it with a closer reader in emails.
this afternoon is when i really set it in stone…
i’m not interested in dating anyone right now.
i’m not interested in fucking anyone right now.
i’m not together.
i need to get me together.
i am a mess.
i would be lying if i said i wasn’t.
i’m not ready.
the last “situation” has shown me that.
so the new journey is one of self-love.
i already started,
but you get my drift.
what i realized is i’m not strong enough at all.
anyone can say:
“ima do such and such to…”
…but it’s another to actually deal with someone.
when you don’t love yourself,
you open yourself up to be destroyed.
i have been destroyed.
i am currently putting myself back together.
piece by piece.
this is my new story.
“i cum first…
and you’ll deal.”
i scrapped the old book and started a new one.
i need to get my mind,
and these damn emotions in check.
i need to know what true love feels like.
the one that only i can provide.
i guess that is blessing that came out of all of this.
at least i’ll be a better fox because of it.