i can literally hear my mother in my ear.
so i hate feeling stupid.
we all don’t like feeling stupid.
mine comes from years of mental abuse.
so i OD in working hard so i can master something.
in some cases,
it worked wonders.
like my new gig,
it is causing me to fuck up…
i am doing a job that is way above my skill set.
i have never done half the things i am doing now.
even though everyone is so friendly and helpful,
i hate feeling like i’m not good at something.
well with this new gig,
i’m not really good at a lot of things.
i hate to constantly apologizing for minor fuck ups.
they wanted me to do something i never did before.
i nearly fucked that up.
i had to ask for help.
the common sense thing to do,
but i realized just how much of a novice i am in this new environment.
it low key has me feeling sorta inadequate.
i know i shouldn’t feel that way,
but i’m way past that line in my head.
i’m a couple blocks down at the bar,
drowning myself in vodka shots,
and contemplating being a hooker.
i’m still so very new so i shouldn’t be too hard on myself.
i know that won’t happen tho also.