How I Met Your Mother

tumblr_m3yr6oAt7J1rn0ur4so i wanted to get to the sto’ early today.
i know if i went later,
i’d have to deal with the baby mamas and mamas babies.
so i put my headphones on,
got my grocery cart,
and headed down the block.
while i was in the sto’,
i was trying not to spend an arm and leg on food.
lately my food bills have been out of my budget.
100 dollars.
last time was 175.
like wtf?
i had to pay some bills and couldn’t afford it.
while i was getting eggs,
listening to “v.s.o.p” on repeat,
i saw this hand out the corner of my eye waving.
when i looked…

it was the older vixen i know from the laundromat two blocks over.
every time i go to wash clothes,
she is always working and was always friendly.
i thought about her because i got a mountain of dirty clothes to wash soon.
i took my headphones off and we started to talk.
she was telling me how she was laid off and i won’t be seeing her there anymore.
this must be a season of everyone getting “laid off” from their jobs.
what surprised me is she wasn’t stressed about it at all.
i admire those kinds of attitudes.
from the looks of it,
unemployment has been doing her well,
but she was still looking for a job in the area.
she told me she lives across the street from the laundry.
she wanted to be close to her crib again.

“i gotta get a job because my lazy ass son. he in here somewhere…”

suddenly this wolf walked up and damn near stopped in his tracks.
he looked like he saw a ghost,
as did i.
i knew him.
he wasn’t as good looking in person.
he was also thicker than in his pictures.
i could tell he looked good a few years ago.
see when i was on jack’d that last time,
i met this light skinned wolf that wanted me to come over to smash.
he was acting super thirsty that it turned me off,
but he was kinda “hood wolf swag deluxe” and i liked the appeal.
i noticed he would only hit me up certain times because according to him:

“my moms ain’t gonna be home until later.”

that was sort of a turn off sentence beyond the thirst…
we exchanged numbers and showed each other our faces.
what made him stand out in front of me tho?
all them damn tats on his arms.
i pretended i didn’t know him and gave him dap as we were introduced.
i told her i had to bounce,
but i wished her luck on finding work.
i couldn’t be off that fast enough.

road-runner-1as i was pushing my 60 dollars of groceries home,
a job well done might i add,
i heard my phone go off in my ear.
i got a text.

“thank you. we should really get up soon man.”

it was from an unknown number,
but i knew it was from the wolf in the sto’.
too bad for him i’m not interested.
i also erased his number couple days ago.

what really bugged me out walking home tho…
this wolf from the back looked JUST like star fox.
even his side profile.
he was definite a lot more hood,
but he looked just like my friend.
this isn’t the first time ive seen people who look like my parents and star fox.
shit i wish it was him so i could tell him that story.
he would’ve been on the floor.

33 thoughts on “How I Met Your Mother

  1. J, you played it right, I don’t think dude was that bad if he said thank you for not busting him out in front of moms LOL! If some of these mothers knew what their sons were up to with some of their b-ball buddies and homeboys, they would fall out.

    Now on to this Deborah character, I really cant with this fake Christian persona. Very offensive, when you have to always paraphrase your statement with I hope I don’t offend and I don’t mean to offend. I mean really who does that. Im not buying into the B.S. today. Girl bye, with that made up shit that you are still a virgin I believe that as much as I believe Gabby “Precious” Sidibe is doing personal training and giving out diet tips for Michelle Obama. You and your pastor have too much time on your hand, to be stalking this blog. You are probably the kind of Christian, who never helps your fellow man, talks and gossips about everybody, and sleeps with everybody husband in the church. But good luck anyway in your pursuit to be a first lady, Im sure when the Mother’s Board find out your fetish for knowing all things gay, they are going to drag you by your dusty 3rd Sunday wig and put you out of the church. You sealed the deal for me when you said you hope you don’t have a gay child. I have a good friend who has an older sister who was so religious, and made his life a living hell growing up by teasing and taunting him because he was gay. She used to have church people taunt him as well as other family members. He is still shook up and has many issues to this day many years later because of her constant harassing. Well, guess what, her first born child, which by the way she had at 16yrs old, without being married, is grown now and is one of the biggest Studs in our city, and she has had to eat those words, and he just found out that another sisters Thugged out son has been spending time and getting money from a older gay dude, can you say TRADE. So you better be careful worrying about other people and worry about your own life, because the very thing you hate and despise will come to your doorstep every time around.

  2. make the slow cooker your best friend ….. it takes any tough (ie cheap) meat and makes it tender

  3. That’s cray cray…..
    He must have been feeling some type of way after he saw you. Why would he still have your number anyway? He didn’t get the hint that you weren’t interested?

  4. Good afternoon and thank you The Man. You blessed me with that message. I will remain celibate until I find the right man.

    1. Celibate? So you have fornicated. I thought you were a virgin lol. You said the other day that a woman that is not a virgin before marriage should be stoned. It was some shit like that you said.

      1. Good afternoon The Man. I have never had sex before. Close but he wasn’t a man of God so I stopped. I may have used the word in the wrong context but I refuse to have any sexual relations until marriage. My idol dream is to marry a pastor so I can be a First Lady. What a blessing that would be.

  5. I know what it like to bump into a guy that you weren’t interested at all. On ManHunt this elderly dude kept filling my inbox which pissed me off because I thought it was a lot of different guys, but it was him >:{ . What annoyed me was he swear he didn’t want to have sex, but he would say write some sexual gestures then quickly say I am just kidding. In my mind “Yea Right!” Then one day my mom and I went to Micheal’s since it was a grand opening and child guess who was there? Him the stalker, he’s an employee there and it so funny how I applied there and amen they didn’t accept my application.

  6. Deb, are you here to “learn” or are you here to spout your self-righteous, religious rhetoric?

    1. Good afternoon Jake. I am here to learn and send the message of The Lord. I apologize if I come on strong with my word. I will listen from now on. I feel I am insulting people and that isn’t my intention.


  7. ON TOPIC my classmate’s father I know was on Jack’d. He was divorced from his mother but the sex was great. Old sex is better sex.

  8. Good afternoon brothers. I wanted to say I wouldn’t want to marry a man who is sleeping with men on the side. That is everyone woman’s fear. I don’t want to offended anyone with my statement.

    1. Your sentiments are that of a lot of women. Imagine if dude J ran into has a girlfriend. Clearly his mother doesn’t know, so likely she (the gf) wouldn’t know either. Women fear that, and rightfully so, b/c of the stigma, stereotypes, and not to mention “cheating”. At some point that will change, but today is not that day. So I appreciate the comments for what they are… What’s the point of having commentary if posters can’t be frank?

      1. $60 so no steaks and lobsters 🙂 I meant to post this comment earlier but was distracted by Church Lady.Good job on sticking to budget .I went a little crazy at the only @$.99 store today

    1. Why ?are you collecting information for church sisters to help them expose DL brothers?
      S/N Sean Sasser ,a Black Gay guy,was on MTV Real World in the nineties.He married Pedro Zamora on show.Sean passed away Tuesday.I think this is before most of guys on this blog’s time but Pedro was first young Gay guy with AIDS to be featured on a reality show.Sean died from lung cancer He was 44 RIP

      1. Hello YColette? Why do you have it out for me? I don’t deserve this treatment. I am asking questions so I can be aware what to look out and the steps I need to correct it. My husband cannot be gay and I would absolutely die if my first born was gay. No offense to my brothers but it appears like a lonely life to live.

      2. I was about to explain to you why that dude was not DL but that’s not going to happen. Deb, being here for those reasons will not help you or any other women who secretly lurk, sorry ladies. Sometimes we don’t even know our own, so how are women going to know? I easily get overlooked by women. They think I’m mature, husband material, smart, good looking, but they have no idea. I hide it very well. I put on my smile, charm, nice personality and they are just lost lol. If they only knew that I rather kick it with their brothers. HA! Men can hide it real good from women, you all are so gullible and easy lol. If you met me you would pick up on me.

      3. There are dozens of websites FOR WOMEN and YT videos covering this topic.Google how to spot DL Men.You being here is comparable to a white supremacist posting anti Black statements on NAACP site such as Blacks are savages,evil,ugly going to Hell,etc.Would you find those comments offensive? BTW I wouldn’t mind having a Gay child I would die if had a bigoted,judgemental child who dehumanized others.

      4. OMG!! Are you serious?! I’m showing my age but I remember being in middle school and being like I want someone to love me like that one day… That’s so sad for me… I remember crying when Pedro died…smh

      5. Y Collette, that is not before my time. I was just watching season 3 of Real World a few weeks ago. So sad to hear that news.

  9. Good morning. This DL thing is absolutely alarming and sickening. I’m completely disturbed it’s this rampant.

      1. Good morning The Man. That is the topic. The owner met a guy whose mother didn’t know he was having sexual relations with men. He had to pretend he didn’t blow his cover in frot of his unsuspecting mother. Is this common? It is very eye opening.

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