how do you put yourself first?

i have this need,
maybe a want,
to always put people before my own happiness.
i can live in my head a lot and that casts the most doubt about myself.
for instance…

i have this desire to always want to be another’s good graces,
the ones i desire or want to impress to look my way,

even though they don’t show me the same energy.
this constant need to brighten my light,
make sure things are perfect,
but then left disappointed when those same people don’t look my way.
you know what it’s like?
check it…

you and your hubby.
he hasn’t been paying much attention to you lately.
you feel like he is slipping from you.
so you clean the crib,
cook his favorite meal,
and wear your best jock strap for desert.
when he comes home,
he walks in and doesn’t things are spotless.

even the fancy glade air freshener goes unnoticed.
he tells you that he ate at work,
had a long day,

and goes to bed because he has to get up early.

you know that disappointed feeling?
that empty feeling?
the feeling of worry like you don’t matter anymore?

that’s how i feel.
i been feeling like i give so much of myself to everyone,
but i don’t get the same in return and i’m left empty af.

i did it at that last job,
wolves i really liked,
and friends i thought gave me the same energy.
i’ve allowed myself to get broken and i don’t know how to fix myself again.
a lot of folks have broken me the last few years.

i admire those who truly just do what they want.
it’s so sexy to me.
those are the ones who seem to shift energy anywhere they are.
rihanna been saying she was gonna drop an album and nothing has dropped yet.
we gonna have to wait until she is ready.
that “ima do what i want and ya’ll gonna have to deal” attitude is admirable to me.
maybe it’s my virgo moon that wants analyze and create perfection,
my cancer sun is filled with random ass emotions,
but my aquarius rising is trying to be detached and aloof.
i don’t know,
but i want to be better at loving and putting myself first.
this has been my biggest obstacle.

low-key: the pretty vixen always said to me that things work for me when i don’t “try”.
i get better results when i’m not out here trying to hard.
with some things,
i do it subconsciously and not even realize it. 

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

10 thoughts on “how do you put yourself first?

  1. I think you should invest in some books to help you learn how to put yourself first. It is definitely a trait that if you naturally don’t have it then you have to learn it. I’m in the process of learning that and being “selfish” and just solely focusing on myself as a single man in America divorcing myself from family and friends who either don’t mean me well or are too caught up in their own affairs to be worried about me. You have trust and know your voice and know that being out for self is not a bad thing but is the determining factor between winning or settling. I choose to win!

    1. ^i really appreciated this comment.

      you said “divorce” and that really moved something within my spirit.
      i don’t want to go as far as divorcing some people,
      but i do want to separate for a while.
      some of them are better when they are associates and acquaintances rather than in my circle.

      i’ve been watching a lot of videos of putting myself first again.
      it’s been helping.

      1. or are too caught up in their own affairs to be worried about me.

        Yes, I hate the “family will always be family” excuse to allow continued abuse and evil done to you. I have had strangers treat me better than family.

        1. ^we often don’t realize other people are dealing with their own shit.
          sometimes,
          they don’t realize they are doing what they’re doing because they have their own affairs and crosses to bear.

  2. I think too many people are afraid to let people go because folks feel like it has to be a drama filled break.
    To be honest you can break away from folks because you need some new energy with every new phase of your life. We outgrow people but we can still love and treasure them for the season they impacted your life. But you can’t grow up if you stay in the same circle.

  3. You meet the celebrity of your dreams at a party and he encounters you in the bathroom and invites you to his hotel room afterwards. You want to eat what you want, not stress and hang with your friends. You feel it’d be foolish to turn him down though, so you ditch them and go ride him till the cows come home.

    Putting yourself first would be turning him down, enjoying the night with your friends and realizing a night of pleasure can’t compare to friends who will make sure you get home safely. We have this mindset that we’ll never get another chance if we don’t say Yes and sacrifice long-term happiness for a few moments of attention/validation.

    Act as if there is nobody who is the end-all/be-all. Nobody is worth saying Yes, when it’s not ideal for you to do so.

    It’s saying No Thank You to hanging out when you were planning to snuggle up with Netflix. Self-care is not feeling bad about wanting to be alone or saying “Actually, I want to…” and not feeling bad for speaking up.

    Self-care is accepting that you matter, your opinion and voice matters and not apologizing for it. It’s also admitting when you don’t have the mental energy to take on someone else’s problems. It’s not being selfish. It’s making sure you’re good before you exhaust all of your resources on someone else. A bleeding person cannot help carry someone to the ER.

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