Fallin’ Behind In Life (Catch a Cab to First Place)

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i have some good animals in my life.
they love me and stand by my emotional ass.
look i can be full of the feels.
#dontjudgeme
#loveme

anyway one of my home-vixens,
who i love ever so much,
sent me the following the other day.
we talk about our future goals and aspirations on the daily,
so this huffington post article was right up my alley.
it’s about when you feel you are falling behind in life.
myself,
and many of the foxhole,
may feel we aren’t where we need to be.
the entire article was written by jamie varon and well…

You don’t need more motivation. You don’t need to be inspired to action. You don’t need to read any more lists and posts about how you’re not doing enough.

We act as if we can read enough articles and enough little Pinterest quotes and suddenly the little switch in our brain will put us into action. But, honestly, here’s the thing that nobody really talks about when it comes to success and motivation and willpower and goals and productivity and all those little buzzwords that have come into popularity: you are as you are until you’re not. You change when you want to change. You put your ideas into action in the timing that is best. That’s just how it happens.

And what I think we all need more than anything is this: permission to be wherever the fuck we are when we’re there.

You’re not a robot. You can’t just conjure up motivation when you don’t have it. Sometimes you’re going through something. Sometimes life has happened. Life! Remember life? Yeah, it teaches you things and sometimes makes you go the long way around for your biggest lessons.

You don’t get to control everything. You can wake up at 5 a.m. every day until you’re tired and broken, but if the words or the painting or the ideas don’t want to come to fruition, they won’t. You can show up every day to your best intentions, but if it’s not the time, it’s just not the fucking time. You need to give yourself permission to be a human being.

Sometimes the novel is not ready to be written because you haven’t met the inspiration for your main character yet. Sometimes you need two more years of life experience before you can make your masterpiece into something that will feel real and true and raw to other people. Sometimes you’re not falling in love because whatever you need to know about yourself is only knowable through solitude. Sometimes you haven’t met your next collaborator. Sometimes your sadness encircles you because, one day, it will be the opus upon which you build your life.

We all know this: Our experience cannot always be manipulated. Yet, we don’t act as though we know this truth. We try so hard to manipulate and control our lives, to make creativity into a game to win, to shortcut success because others say they have, to process emotions and uncertainty as if these are linear journeys.

You don’t get to game the system of your life. You just don’t. You don’t get to control every outcome and aspect as a way to never give in to the uncertainty and unpredictability of something that’s beyond what you understand. It’s the basis of presence: to show up as you are in this moment and let that be enough.

Yet, we don’t act in a way that supports this lifestyle. We fill every minute with productivity tools and read 30-point lists on how to better drive out natural, human impulse. We often forget that we are as we are until we’re not. We are the same until we’re changed. We can move that a bit further by putting into place healthy habits and to show up to our lives in a way that fosters growth, but we can’t game timing.

Timing is the one thing that we often forget to surrender to.

Things are dark until they’re not. Most of our unhappiness stems from the belief that our lives should be different than they are. We believe we have controlโ€Š–โ€Šand our self-loathing and self-hatred comes from this idea that we should be able to change our circumstances, that we should be richer or hotter or better or happier. While self-responsibility is empowering, it can often lead to this resentment and bitterness that none of us need to be holding within us. We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen–and to not feel so directly and vulnerably tied to outcomes. Opportunities often don’t show up in the way we think they will.

You don’t need more motivation or inspiration to create the life you want. You need less shame around the idea that you’re not doing your best. You need to stop listening to people who are in vastly different life circumstances and life stages than you tell you that you’re just not doing or being enough. You need to let timing do what it needs to do. You need to see lessons where you see barriers. You need to understand that what’s right now becomes inspiration later. You need to see that wherever you are now is what becomes your identity later.

Sometimes we’re not yet the people we need to be in order to contain the desires we have. Sometimes we have to let ourselves evolve into the place where we can allow what we want to transpire.

Let’s just say that whatever you want, you want it enough. So much so that you’re making yourself miserable in order to achieve it. What about chilling out? Maybe your motivation isn’t the problem, but that you keep pushing a boulder up a mountain that only grows in size the more you push.

There’s a magic beyond us that works in ways we can’t understand. We can’t game it. We can’t 10-point list it. We can’t control it. We have to just let it be, to take a fucking step back for a moment, stop beating ourselves up into oblivion, and to let the cogs turn as they will. One day, this moment will make sense. Trust that.

Give yourself permission to trust that.

image-1 …lies?
i saw none being told.
this is my biggest issue.
doin’ things because of fear or insecurity.
chasing usually leads me nowhere.
all of my success usually works when it’s simply time.
i usually know when it’s time.
my foxy senses start buzzing like crazy.
i need to relax and just enjoy the ride.
great article tho!
i love when the squad supplies the knowledge.
more!
more!
mooooooorrre!
i hope this helped a foxholer out there.

love!

lowkey: i love the amount of animals who check on me in emails.
the recent advice i’ve been given.
cloud-fuckin-9.

you are all so wonderful.
thank you for breathing positive energy and no judgment into me.
#mysquadisbetterthanyours
listen to the lyrics of this song:

“people down here think i’m crazy,
but i don’t care

trials and tribulations,
iโ€™ve had my share

there ain’t nothing gonna stop me now โ€˜cause i’m almost there”

article taken: the huffington post

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

13 thoughts on “Fallin’ Behind In Life (Catch a Cab to First Place)

  1. Great article, I tend to compare my life to others my age and wonder why I’m not further. I’ve gotten depressed with the outcome of my life and forget I’m still young and have time to get where I need to get to.

    1. ^that’s the issue.
      looking at others and feeling like you aren’t there.
      having people tell you what you need to be doing.
      when you crash and burn,
      they gonna make every excuse in the world why you fucked up.
      i think I need to chill and learn a little more about me.
      i am officially dropping out the race of chase.
      it has got me burnt completely out.
      ill be doing things on my own time starting 30 minutes ago.

  2. OMG, my mouth is still on the floor, DAMN if this did just not speak to me in a way I can not even explain. No one ever tells you how it is going to be when you do all that you are supposed to do and you look like you are a success to the outside world but you are hurting and empty on the inside. I have been going through a detox in 2016 with my feelings and emotions literally my whole being, I am taking charge and distancing myself from really close friends who I see are just toxic to my being and who are one sided friends. It has been lonely at times but I am growing stronger and meeting new people along the way who have been more engaged with me than those who are supposed to have my back.

    It is so hard sometimes when you see friends who are at a place that you think you should be at as far as career wise and net worth wise, as you get older you start to have regrets about missed opportunities, but then I also have to remember that I am still healthy and many people I know who have many material things are hot messes, both physically and mentally. I regret at times not having children, but my friends with children call me and sing the blues about how awful their children are. My friends with high paying jobs are on anxiety medication and look old and unhealthy and the list go on. I am learning everyday this year to appreciate me and know I am a unique beautiful person in my own right no matter if I dont have a high paying job, a hot boyfriend, big house etc. My story still matters, it does not help matters that living in a gay world that is shallow and based on the superficial. So many of us still throw common sense to the side when a good looking dude is involved, myself being guilty of this. I have chased the fantasy of building my body only to build it up and still dont have a meaningful relationship only other shallow dudes who want sex and nothing more. I have even let my gym membership expire this year, I am so over everything right now but in a sense I feel better mentally than I have in a long time, I am getting away from pleasing people, caring about what people think anymore and trying to maintain this perfect image to the outside world. 2016 is about me, nothing more, nothing less, the rest can take a long walk.

  3. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that you can not compare your life to others within your age. People experience different things at different times in their lives. I feel that I’ve always been a late bloomer in every important aspect in life, but things happen when they are supposed to happen. It’s true, it’s about timing and when it’s the right time for you to experience things in life, you will.

  4. This article really spoke to me. I swear I’ve been dealing with unworthiness and directionless; just a complete identity crisis for the last four years and it seems like now, the bottom has completely fallen off for me. In spite of it all, I know I have to keep going and doing what’s right because sooner or later it will pay off.

  5. havent spoken up in a while – just want to say “i love you” to all the beautiful animals that visit this forest and contribute to its grand environment…

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