Everything All Adds Up To The B Word.

i found myself sitting in my room saturday.
i needed some time away from the monstrous shit that had become my last few days.
from bills to bastards, i was already up to my neck in bullshit.
then, friday in my entry box, all hell broke.
it continued into the am to a pointless battle.

so in my solitude, i had my iTunes on genius shuffle.
i always find it funny how my computer could mix the exact music to fit my mood.
i was feeling a little sad, kinda depressed, a tad optimistic, but a lot of blah.
human nature by madonna came on.
bedtime stories.
the words of the song stuck out with me.
i had to stop what i was doing and just be….

low-key: i don’t think i properly gave you a formal introduction for these 4 years.

my name is jamari fox and i am the sexy girlfriend.
i’m a bottom à la fox.
not to mention bold, blunt, and a bondafide freak.
i like ballers, love body, and look at a man’s booty first.
i also like bryers ice cream and long walks on the board walk.
nice to meet you.

oh, let me not forget ya’ll….

btw, i’m also the new bad guy.
i’ve been crowned this self hating man bitch who only wants masculine men to bed him.
although some of that maybe true,
does it take away from the fact i’m actually the best fucking guy you will ever meet?
sure, i have an interesting preference in men, but who doesn’t?
i’m also told that i role play.
my answer is, so?
last i checked, i bought these 9 1.2 shoes for my feet.
my road traveled is what built me to who i am and what i want.
just like yours did, so is that really a bad thing?

you know what i noticed within the gay community?
if you live your life a certain way or like a certain thing, you are the new “bonafide bitch”.
you’ll get banished for having a certain preference.
i also find that we are so passionate about our lifestyles, that we do not realize we come off like bullies.
“you must do this because this is how i live and if you don’t live like this, well you don’t love yourself and i won’t like you.”
well fuck you then.

i wonder if i was a strict top à la wolf who wasn’t interested in being fucked.
no dicks near this butthole.
i blogged about how much big butt bottoms i beat on the regular… would there be an issue?
i’d probably have a boatload of more bottoms, couple vers, and a few tops vying for my attention.
all my entries would be about meaningless sex, how big my dick is, and how bad i am with my sexual safety.
i would be the new bedroom bully.
i happen to be a bottom talking about what i like, what turns me on, and what makes me hot and bothered.
ya know, that is a big fucking deal and i need to be-headed.
same shit madonna was talking about when she got blacklisted for her own bedtime stories in the 90s.

listen, i don’t let anyone tell me how to live.
i love myself.
sure, i’m not perfect and i don’t try.
i have a whole life ahead to learn more about myself.
as long as i am not hurting myself with drugs or satisfied with being at the bottom of the barrel.
i don’t judge anyone for who they choose.
do you boo.
live your life and do what makes you feel comfortable.
you can’t become what people think is best for you.
you will always find yourself breaking.

it’s funny that everyone who says you need to be the “certain” way are all single.
why is this?
shouldn’t it be easier?
shouldn’t you be damn near married?
or, they get into a relationship and they get cheated on badly.
oh ok.
sex and attraction is easy.
i get that too.
but, what keeps them?
not because you choose to use your dick or your butt.
shit, sometimes both.
we all dealing with that magic word from every kind of men in general: bullshit.

so i guess i’m here to say that i really don’t give a fuck as much as i thought i did.
i’m a fox.
people don’t tell me who i am.
i tell them.
i’ll continue to just be.

this is my bedtime story.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

26 thoughts on “Everything All Adds Up To The B Word.”

  1. Why do I feel like this entry is a huge ‘fuck you’ response from yesterday? I really hope this isn’t a response to anything I said. I never told you, that you were wrong in your thinking or how you live your life. I just merely point out a few valid observation about your way of thinking. If that is your truth, I have to let you be you, because I am not going to change my way of thinking. I don’t think you are a bad person at all.

    I don’t know you outside of your blog so I can’t say that you are a bad person. I don’t look at you and say look at that bottom (fox). I see a man who is multi facet. Someone, who is more then his sexual preference. A individual who is passionate about his views and opinions. A same gender loving man who is intelligent and well spoken.

    Being a bottom/top would have nothing to do about it.

    My issue with you is that you have a tendency to see everything black and white and that entry was an example of that.
    I mean you even generalize the way a ‘wolf’ would think in this entry. Not all of us think about ‘cakes & meaningless sex!

    I don’t feel that any of us ‘attack’ you. We were just speaking our truth and I think it got next to you. Sure KING probably could have been a bit nicer but I don’t think even he meant to hurt your feelings or piss you off. Your blog is a public forum and sometimes everyone is not going to totally agree with you and your way of thinking.


    Although I don’t agree with everything you say or feel, doesn’t mean you should change who you are. I don’t think I have to keep telling you this but I think it’s safe to say that we ALL think the world of you, otherwise we wouldn’t visit your blog and take the time to comment (or give a damn about your personal life). Like the kids say, that is just true tea.

    1. This is how I felt about the situation that unfold two nights ago all along, kudos to you Lucky for articulating this thought in writing. I always pay attention to your comments because you seem so profound unlike a few other guys on here.

      I would like to add my particular situation with him in which we had our spat but its mainly because I felt he tried to shut out my opinions by using an characterization analysis (Calling me heartless) in regards to how I felt about Chad. I don’t feed into the bottom/top Wolf/fox thing because everyone is different and labels simply don’t work….we as Black people are defined by labels by society, when we are so diverse as a people. For this reason I choose not to entertain all the labeling that goes down amongst the Black Gay society.

      Personally I live a DL/Discreet lifestyle, so I really feel like a free agent where I can be myself and choose my own company…whether they are Closeted, Open, Hetero, etc. Keeping your business to yourself cause less drama.

      I apologized for the whole back n forth with you Jamari but I will not apologize for my opinions. We can debate whether who’s wrong or right but I will defend myself against anyone who tries to assassinate my character because of it.

      1. Yea I was kinda disappointed in you two.

        It went far left and lets face it, Chad nor Evelyn give a damn about any of us unless we are putting money into their pockets. They both were a recipe for disaster PERIOD. Karma don’t play games and they got what they served.

        At the end of the day, there is debating (learning how to agree to disagree) and then there is that catty back and forthness that goes no damn where. It’s pointless. If you have to resort to name calling and all that mess, you ain’t on my level.

        What i love about this site is that although it’s small, there is a diverse group of people here. Some of us are out, some of us aren’t but we all are human with feelings and something to say. We are not going to agree with everything one says but you can’t take that shit to heart. You charge that shit to the game and keep it moving.

        And sometimes you gotta grow as a person to understand where one is coming from. Sometimes you have to step back and re-evaluated your way of thinking or living. Take what you can get out of the message and leave the rest alone.

        We got enough haters in the world. We don’t need to attack each other.

    2. Was i really that harsh? What about my comment (s) do you feel was not nice enough, its hard to see what i’ve done and be completely objective to it…I really didn’t mean to come off in that way.

  2. I would like to genuinely think that everyone’s goal on here is to contribute to a conversation with the objective of being helpful. What I’ve found, primarily with posters who seem rather new to the blog, is their goal isn’t to help, but to criticize, to judge, to finger wag, and roll their necks.

    They call it helping to seem like less of a bitch, but at the end of the day, if no one walks away from the discussion feeling helped, then all it effectively was, was a bitch session.

    The fact is, we all live really different lifestyles an it’s important to keep that in mind whenever we call ourselves giving advice. I can point out a conflict in your way of thinking without attempting to completely uproot your ideological viewpoints to better suit my own.

    I personally don’t understand downlow men past the age of dependency. I also don’t understand flamboyant feminine men who parade their sexuality everywhere they go. But that doesn’t mean I won’t listen to their opinion or to attempt to understand their perspective without criticizing.

    At the end of the discussion, I may not agree. I may still think you’re a delusional downlow man or an offensive flamboyant homosexual, but at the very least I’ll have a better understanding of the way YOU see things. And that should be the point of these discussions: understanding.

  3. Wow… First and foremost I must say that I love the forum that Jamari has provided for all of us to share opinions and feelings on topics, and current events, and things that we as black and brown men in the LGBT community have to deal with. What I will say is that I’ve never… Repeat, never had a gay friend…and I’m 30. I’m comfortable being me. I like being regular me, I don’t care about who does what really, and never have. I look at the whole celebrity and sports world solely as entertainment, nothing more. I don’t like to argue, I like to look nice, eat good food, and enjoy my life. I’m not saying I’ve never been rude mean or catty, because hell who hasn’t?! But I will say that I’ve learned to keep the dramatics in my life under wraps in my older age. I love me, and I’ll be damned if an outside force will change something that took me twenty some odd years to do, just because we don’t think or feel the same. The LGBT community is full of larger than life personalities, some that make you smile and others not so much. My personal outlook is that we have all whether gay or dl, or discreet, fought so hard all our lives to be accepted, understood, loved, or just hiding how we feel, that once we do get a chance to express that it’s like letting a pit bull out of its yard! And we do come off with a little bit of an edge, I’m also guilty of this! We all have opinions, but somewhere along the line you also have to realize that we are all different, and we all have a different story, and a different truth.

  4. What? My first coment wasn’t even completely directed towards you…it was a general opinion on the black gay community. I also don’t know how you interpreted into an “anti-bottom” “top praising” bitch fest. I think you should reread those comments and try to bring down his barriers because he completely took it the wrong way. This entry is really rubbing me the wrong way. Like you have something to prove, even though you want to come off as i don’t give a fuck. When others opinions effect you this much, but you claim to love your self and not care what others think…something is a miss. You know what they say, a hit dog will holler.

    1. I agree I saw how you were getting attacked when allot of what you said was spot on. Their may be insecurities in people on here, so even when you a make general statement, that insecure person may feel like their personally being attack….this is something I’ve come to realized. I know when I make a general argument against a point given, an insecure person will show up throwing misguided shade on this particular blog. I like the blog nonetheless.

  5. First off, people have to start understanding that everyone is this lifestyle is different. We all have one thing in common, but we all are different in our own ways, and when it comes to men we are all looking for different varities of men. When it comes to his life, some niggas don’t know shit but sexual organs, masculine and feminine, and it’s so much deeper than that. Some people have issues that others may not have. One thing might work for one man might not work for the next one.

    I don’t understand why some of you guys have issues with others preferences because lets be real that IS what this is mainly about. If Jamari wants his future man to look like what he posts under “MEAT” then that’s his business. If he were to get hurt then that’s on him. It’s even been some occasions were some have been a target because I prefer masculine men as well. Yea maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try something different, but I don’t want to take the opportunity because I know it will end in a disaster. Why would I want to try something new and then someone ends up getting hurt because I’m not feeling them? It’s not totally about wanting only masculine men, it’s also about taking others feelings in consideration. Some men have masculine complex issues which causes insecurities. That’s why I think it’s such a big deal what others preferences are.

    It’s been a couple people that comment on here and all they do is cause havoc. No this is not my blog, but I figure if you don’t like it then stop coming, commenting and critizing. Click the RED X and go about your business.

  6. Are y’all really gonna do this again? lol

    So, Jamari felt attacked by a few – had a moment, and expressed himself…his blog, his rules. Yeah, some of the debate & discussion turned a little personal & into name-calling. If we’re talking hit dogs, I’m hearing a lot of hollering *shrug*

    Bottom line, we should be able to debate, agree, & disagree without it turning into personal attacks or going into name-calling. If you can’t do that, just let it go – cuz there’s enough of that out there.

    I don’t agree with everyone on here all the time – a few times y’all piss me off lol; but the ones above who comment (and others) at least can express their viewpoint most of the time without getting personal…the past couple days notwithstanding 🙂

    You guys aren’t consistently negative & trolling, so let’s take a deep breath, smack an azz/grab a d1ck & we can fvck it out… lolol

  7. I don’t think I criticize Jamari but since this is becoming a issue, I will keep my mouth shut and tend to my own business. As much as i like this blog, i don’t want to say something and rub people the wrong way. Sometimes it’s best to just shut the fuck up and let people be. I got my own blog to run, this is just entertainment.

  8. As someone who just kind of read the recent, heated exchanges, I can see both sides.

    I think it’s obvious Jamari has his preferences as evidenced by the things he posts, in fact I could probably pick Jamari a boyfriend out of a line-up. His preferences are his right, but I think what King and Luckey were simply saying is “Expand your horizons.”, which is good advice for all of us. Their delivery may have come off a little as judging though.

    I’ll even admit sometimes the asshole in me agrees with Flex’s initial opinions, not the subsequent arguing that ensues.

    Keep in mind none of us know each other in real life, so whether you think that advice is valid is up to you.

    1. I understood what they were saying as well, but everyone can’t expand their horizons. We can’t help what we are attracted too, and ALL of us should know that. What if we are with someone we are not attracted too, then what? It’s the same as me asking a gay man to date a woman(to expand his horizons) and have sex with her. That aint gonna happen because gay men aren’t attracted to women sexually.

      1. You said you were 19 right? Well do you honestly think you’ve discovered everything you’re attracted to?

        As we grow older, our tastes changes. When I was younger I used to be into the hard, dl type, but now give me a fairly masculine dude with some fem tendencies and plenty to say and I’m pretty much good.

        I’m attracted to a plump ass period. That ass can be attached to someone with an ugly face or a shitty personality but my dick will still tell my mind to bend them over, smash and take my dick and smear my initials on it.

        So everything that attracts you isn’t always beneficial to you and just because something doesn’t catch your eye at first doesn’t mean there’s nothing to it.

        That’s my take but I’ve learned you can’t force certain sensibilities on gay/bi dudes. They have it set in their heads what they want and they are not compromising on it.

        Honestly, gay dudes can be as picky and superficial as they want because they don’t have to choose mates like heterosexual people do. Most gay dudes don’t have to worry themselves with choosing someone as a mate based on their potential as a parent and provider.

      2. Yea I’m 19. I haven’t discovered eveything I’m attracted to yet, but I already know what I don’t like. As long as it has nothing to do with what I don’t already don’t like then I’ll try it. I’m an open minded and free spirited person, but some things are already a no go for me.

  9. Lol I’ma look you up when you turn 25. I bet you’ll be willing to give me some ass by then. You’ll probably even be able to spin around and keep the dick still inside. LMAO!

    1. Damn you Jay. LMAO…..naw that won’t happen. The only way I’ll ride a dick is if a nigga puts a root on me.

      1. Lmao. As much as you like masculine men you’ll be easy. All a dude has to do is lure you in with a fat ass and then flip the script.

        I don’t need to put a root on you, my dick casts spells. When I’m finished with you I’ll have you twerking on the coffee table for me to Uncle Luke while I smoke a blunt and brag. Lol

      2. LMAO…@the last sentence. No it’s not that simple. You know I’m stubborn as hell Jay. Now If you were to pay the rest of the way through my college, and buy me a house you might have a shot. LOL.

  10. I rarely post on peoples blogs for this very reason. I come to Jamari’s blog primarily for my appreciation of his writing style, and I love to look at his “Meat” section.

    I don’t know Jamari so I don’t know what he is or what he is not going through. I think that it takes a lot of courage to open yourself up to the world and share parts of yourself. Kudos to him for doing so.

    I will say this about MYSELF. I don’t really have time to analyze, critique, or deconstruct someone else. I am challenge enough. Having said that, if I were to open myself up and put my sh#t out there, I have to take all reactions with a grain of salt. The commentary that resonates with me I take, that which is bullsh#t, I would discard. Because I AM reflective, I will challenge comments that I wouldn’t like to see if it has merit. But that’s ME.

    The road to self-realization leads to self-actualization. It’s not an easy process. What I find helpful to just to accept people where they are. It’s not my place to judge or even analyze. When I find something that is askew in someone else, I check MYSELF. I check myself because the feelings/emotions/reactions are inside of ME. That’s my stuff and it has nothing to do with anyone else. I place the challenge to MYSELF.

    I’m far from perfect. I don’t always get the aforementioned right; I’m hue-man after all.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

%d bloggers like this: