i found myself sitting in my room saturday.
i needed some time away from the monstrous shit that had become my last few days.
from bills to bastards, i was already up to my neck in bullshit.
then, friday in my entry box, all hell broke.
it continued into the am to a pointless battle.
so in my solitude, i had my iTunes on genius shuffle.
i always find it funny how my computer could mix the exact music to fit my mood.
i was feeling a little sad, kinda depressed, a tad optimistic, but a lot of blah.
human nature by madonna came on.
the words of the song stuck out with me.
i had to stop what i was doing and just be….
low-key: i don’t think i properly gave you a formal introduction for these 4 years.
my name is jamari fox and i am the sexy girlfriend.
i’m a bottom à la fox.
not to mention bold, blunt, and a bondafide freak.
i like ballers, love body, and look at a man’s booty first.
i also like bryers ice cream and long walks on the board walk.
nice to meet you.
oh, let me not forget ya’ll….
btw, i’m also the new bad guy.
i’ve been crowned this self hating man bitch who only wants masculine men to bed him.
although some of that maybe true,
does it take away from the fact i’m actually the best fucking guy you will ever meet?
sure, i have an interesting preference in men, but who doesn’t?
i’m also told that i role play.
my answer is, so?
last i checked, i bought these 9 1.2 shoes for my feet.
my road traveled is what built me to who i am and what i want.
just like yours did, so is that really a bad thing?
you know what i noticed within the gay community?
if you live your life a certain way or like a certain thing, you are the new “bonafide bitch”.
you’ll get banished for having a certain preference.
i also find that we are so passionate about our lifestyles, that we do not realize we come off like bullies.
“you must do this because this is how i live and if you don’t live like this, well you don’t love yourself and i won’t like you.”
well fuck you then.
i wonder if i was a strict top à la wolf who wasn’t interested in being fucked.
no dicks near this butthole.
i blogged about how much big butt bottoms i beat on the regular… would there be an issue?
i’d probably have a boatload of more bottoms, couple vers, and a few tops vying for my attention.
all my entries would be about meaningless sex, how big my dick is, and how bad i am with my sexual safety.
i would be the new bedroom bully.
i happen to be a bottom talking about what i like, what turns me on, and what makes me hot and bothered.
ya know, that is a big fucking deal and i need to be-headed.
same shit madonna was talking about when she got blacklisted for her own bedtime stories in the 90s.
listen, i don’t let anyone tell me how to live.
i love myself.
sure, i’m not perfect and i don’t try.
i have a whole life ahead to learn more about myself.
as long as i am not hurting myself with drugs or satisfied with being at the bottom of the barrel.
i don’t judge anyone for who they choose.
do you boo.
live your life and do what makes you feel comfortable.
you can’t become what people think is best for you.
you will always find yourself breaking.
it’s funny that everyone who says you need to be the “certain” way are all single.
why is this?
shouldn’t it be easier?
shouldn’t you be damn near married?
or, they get into a relationship and they get cheated on badly.
sex and attraction is easy.
i get that too.
but, what keeps them?
not because you choose to use your dick or your butt.
shit, sometimes both.
we all dealing with that magic word from every kind of men in general: bullshit.
so i guess i’m here to say that i really don’t give a fuck as much as i thought i did.
i’m a fox.
people don’t tell me who i am.
i tell them.
i’ll continue to just be.
this is my bedtime story.