You Don’t Like Genuine People or (Me)

891c007788f1e27bd2c7eee8ebc21df8“have you heard from mi?”

“nope.”

“do you know where she is?”

“nope.”

“jamari!”

that was a text convo between a friend and i this afternoon.
she was asking me what’s happening with mi.
i honestly don’t know.
i don’t particularly care either way.
i was more concerned with what i was eating for lunch.
well she went in on how it’s not nice that i’m not concerned.
so wait…

i let this young vixen in my home with access to all my things.
she had a roof over her head,
was able to watch cable whenever she wanted,
could go on my wifi,
ate my food,
and fucked that all up by treating me like shit and disrespecting my home…

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…and i’m supposed to be chasing behind her,
trying to find out if she is okay?
here-we-have-another-expression-being-annoyed-impatient-headat least when pose asked me the same question yesterday,
and i gave her the same answer,
she completely understood and didn’t judge me for it.
i don’t care if i’m judged for my actions…
anymore.

i have spent my entire life trying to fit into someone else’s idea.
after my parent’s died,
i tried to achieve the life of the attentionisto.
i learned that fleeting once you stop playing by the rules.
when it came to looking for a wolf,
i tried to be what i thought a wolf would want.
i learned that dumbing myself down made me feel like a blank page.
when it came to jobs,
i tried to prove that i was a good worker.
now i didn’t back stab or throw others under the bus,
but i did work harder.
well i learned none of that matters because you are still replaceable.
it could be because of skin color or they simply stopped liking you.
i tried to do things so i wasn’t talked about and placed my value on other’s opinions.
i cared way too much what everyone thought of me.
well i learned one important thing:

You don’t like or respect genuine animals

now i could be talking to you.
i could be talking to someone else.
when someone is 100% genuine with their actions,
shows you love,
and gives a fuck about you,
then that is absolutely fuckin’ weird.
everyone is so used to being fucked over that they can’t believe anything else.
you place all your bitterness and anger onto them.
you slowly chip away at their motives until there is nothing left.
as soon as that’s done,
you destroy and turn them into everyone else.
lord knows we have too much of that walking around.

so now i don’t care anymore.
now i’m focused on living a life where i live for me.
it’s peaceful and stress free.
i don’t care if:

it fits into someone’s mold of what i should be
  my decisions are wrong or right

i’m slowly starting to feel comfortable in my own fur.
i never felt this way before and i can honestly say i love it.
my recent depression took me straight the bottom and now i’m here.
cheesy,
i know.
raw
so no,
i don’t know what’s happening with mi,
but i do know what’s happening with me.
i’m getting better.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

11 thoughts on “You Don’t Like Genuine People or (Me)

  1. I approve! Did mi reach out to you? No? Moving on. LOL.

    I’ve been following your situation, I’m sorry (but secretly not sorry) about your job. It sucks that it had to end in this manner, but as a few others have pointed out. It’s time to look forward. You were getting nowhere REAL FAST with this job. I hope you can find something that suits your skills and talents and also have a healthy work environment with growth opportunities, because you deserve it- and QUICK! Blessings!

    1. ^i’m honestly happy it’s coming to an end d.
      everyone is judging because i’m glad,
      but again,
      this job was hell and they didn’t appreciate me time and time again.
      if this is an exit that seems like it’s God’s work,
      why cry about it?

      1. Exactly. Nothing to cry about, life is just moving forward. This gives you the opportunity to put yourself out there for something you REALLY want and NEED! I really hope you can find what you’re looking for with the quickness!

  2. Yessssss I started saying no to people and it felt great!!! I’m always trying to help people and end up screwing myself over because I either have extra work to do or an inconvenience to myself. I said no twice already in the last 2 days and I’m on a high cloud. Fuck that!

  3. Yes! Keep doing you. Over the past year you have let mi into your home, WW into your heart, and that job into your mind. It’s been too much that each and every one of those things has let you down and left you drained. This time is all about you and your come up.

  4. I love this post Jamari! It definitely articulates my thoughts about how people in today’s society think. Unfortunately people don’t appreciate genuine and authentic individuals nowadays. It’s sad and good people often feel like something is wrong with them because others tend to not appreciate them.

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