Cleaning Out Your Insides

i have been feeling like the sun as of late.
bright.
you can see my glow from the smallest crevice.
it has been a different feeling being in my own fur lately.
i’m not in a place of “wanting” or “needing” anyone.
i’m just “here” in this moment of me.
the abundance of trash i had in my life is gone.
i’ve stopped being an emotionally hoarder.
i’ve been making my own rules.
foxhole,
my honest advice is…

you gotta get ugly before you glo up.
there was times i’d be crying for no reason.
i was hurt and felt drained.
thankfully,
i have this outlet to allow me to get it all out.
like i said,
i woke up one day and was completely over it.
it was like,
a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
things/others i once cared about didn’t/don’t matter to me anymore.
if you violate me,
i’m on a whole new wave.
i’m strong enough to say:

i don’t need to talk to them again.
making excuses for other’s bad behavior has got to end.
i desire a whole slew of new adventures and desires now.
i’m attracting better people who appreciate this new me in my life.
even if it all turns out horrible,
because nothing is ever perfect,
at least i’m in a stronger place to handle being in the fire again.
you have to get knocked down a few times to get there tho.
it’s okay to feel sad foxhole.

don’t try and force happiness for anyone else
don’t go into a “hoe phase” to prove a point that you’re over it
don’t do anything if all you want to do is stay in the house

this is your life.
you gotta do it for you.
it’s just a tough season(s).
it only last for as long as it takes for you to mature.
once you do…

lowkey: you know you in a better place when…

you forget certain people exist
you don’t care to stalk their ig, snap, or fb

 aren’t eager to be on social media to flex
you can check someone for disrespecting you
making friends isn’t about “popularity”
things aren’t done out of loneliness or “keeping up with others”

the “good” in goodbye is understood

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

9 thoughts on “Cleaning Out Your Insides

  1. Jamari,

    I’ve been feeling this way since July 4th. I’ve been on this quest to find the truth about all of these crazy protests and anger about race and injustice and what I’ve found is that everyone is sensitive and crazy to a point of violence and death threats. My Facebook friends are so terrible that I have to remove myself from their negative posts and from them altogether. I would hate to see them in real life which is why now I’m on this social media detox to cleanse myself from these negative people.

    Last night, I mediated and prayed to God and within that, I found my peace of mind. I saw paradise and I’m being guided to happiness. As I’m writing this testimony, I’m crying because I feel at peace! I’m tired of this negative energy that has been weighing on me and I hate it. I hate it when people get so bent out of shape over every little thing and it’s like I have to calm their troubled minds with truth and tough love, but that could be draining.

    In the word of Buddhism, Namaste! Peace be with you! God bless you!

    1. ^omg yes!
      you are there!
      i think the “powers that b” are trying to start a “everything” war within the united States.
      everyone is at odds,
      overly sensitive over the tiniest shit,
      and have become way too negative.
      im seeing that and slowly separating from many that i thought were cool.
      this is aside those who are complete assholes as well.
      now,
      im so far removed from everyone i know because im seeing how ignorant many can be.
      it’s peaceful to be a lone fox in these forests.
      im wishing you continued peace and the light to guide you to where you need to be!!!

      God bless you as well!

    2. I could tell from a lot of your comments and responses that you were in a low, dark & miserable space. I’m glad to read that you are searching for your light and able to now to face a more positive and fruitful path in life. Congratulations Brandon!

      1. You’re welcome! Im just tired of negative people and sensitive people. Like I’ve been dealing with their pettiness all my life! Ever since I was young, my grandmother told me that i would have enemies but I wasn’t aware of it. It got worse when i started to connect on social media. Then I’m looking at comments on this post and Brent Christopher was being shady. Like That’s why I’m literally getting pissed off at smart ass comments from people like him and others who doesn’t seem to understand that negatives undertones about their words and also what they’re saying. Like people are super sensitive and crazy and I’m very much over it!

  2. Dealing with this now Jamari, esp since Ive lost my job. Had to admit that it was my fault. Hey, I even called on the name of God, knowing that I dont have that right. As I am not a very spiritual or religious person. It is one of those things were I need to go back to go forward. To amend and make things right. But, I really dont know if I will ever get that chance. So, how to move forward if thats the case? Bc now I am trying to tell myself that you might have to keep it moving. I feel a sense of remorse and anxiety that I have never had in my life. Therefore, I know I was so wrong. Too wrong.

    1. ^ya know,
      when i lost my job,
      i felt that same anxiety.
      i was scared af.
      it was embarrassing because i thought i found my perfect fit.

      so i just stopped

      i didn’t move forward and i stopped looking behind me.
      it wasn’t easy,
      but i took a minute to get my mind in order.

      it takes a strength to admit your wrong doing.
      while most like to play the victim,
      you can admit otherwise.
      very admirable.
      what i will say is you need to forgive yourself.
      you seem to be holding onto something that is hurting you.
      in order to move forward,
      and see clearly,
      that needs to be done first.
      after that,
      ask the universe for help in allowing you to move forward.
      you will get your sign when you stop and take a minute to find you again.

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