Cleaning Out Your Insides

i have been feeling like the sun as of late.
you can see my glow from the smallest crevice.
it has been a different feeling being in my own fur lately.
i’m not in a place of “wanting” or “needing” anyone.
i’m just “here” in this moment of me.
the abundance of trash i had in my life is gone.
i’ve stopped being an emotionally hoarder.
i’ve been making my own rules.
my honest advice is…
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The Pursuit of Happiness and Other Dying Thoughts

i’ve been numbing my pain with sleeping pills.
i can’t seem to sleep anymore without them.
this maybe how addiction starts.
i’m okay with that.
2017 has been so hard for me.
i thought 2016 was bad,
but 2017…
every time i try to be happy and on this mountain,
i am pulled right back down into a valley.
i’m starting to be okay down here.
the fur i keep on allows me to smile around others,
but underneath,
i’m so depressed and ready to die.
death seems so peaceful.
that is my continuous truth
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I’ll Have That Peace of “Rock Bottom” Please!

gas still off
window still broke
i haven’t had a haircut since the dark ages
landlord giving me the run around
surviving off the little food/juice i have
toaster oven and hot plate are the move right now

it’s a tough time in my world,
but it’s starting to be the calmest i’ve ever been as well…
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Look At “Happiness”

Screen Shot 2015-08-24 at 10.29.18 PMi love how he wears different kicks to the gym.
so you know my tall snack i’d love to devour from jerz?
remember i named him ( x “happiness” )?
well i wanted to see more of “happiness” and you cummin…
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There Will Always Be Pain In Your Process (Finding Happiness)

tumblr_mo8mfr2UVH1qbnvdao1_500​you want to know how to find happiness?
true happiness?
the kind that makes you feel higher than god?
well i’m gonna tell you what i’m learning
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Is This Happiness?

persons-0075waking up,
my phone has over 50 texts.
a larger amount of missed phone calls.
its from various designers,
and baller wolves.
everyone wants something from me.
i’m happy to give it to them.
my days are spent:


i am behind the scenes of almost every event.
i’ve casted models for every music video.
the books ive written are best sellers.
i secretly work along side big names.
i’m the best kept secret in hollywood.
they call on me personally for assistance with their issues.
i’m a therapist,
a fixer,
and a life line all rolled into one.
i have no complaints.
i wanted this.
i wanted to be “independent”.
no more dealing with a dictator and army that followed.
its just me and my own rules.
that is happiness to me…
Continue reading “Is This Happiness?”