There Will Always Be Pain In Your Process (Finding Happiness)

tumblr_mo8mfr2UVH1qbnvdao1_500​you want to know how to find happiness?
true happiness?
the kind that makes you feel higher than god?
well i’m gonna tell you what i’m learning

you need to trip,
fall,
roll,
and belly flop down “fuck shit” hill.

you need to hit every rock on the way down.
you need to feel pain,
like heavy hard core pain,
in order to be truly happy in life.
well let me not say heavy hard core pain,
but you need life to show you whats not working so you can fix it.

lets be real:

some of us want shit to be perfect

i know i do.
when you feel uncomfortable with your:

job
  relationships
family

thats when you start plottin’.
thats when you start to realize you want more.
sometimes it takes a real hard push into bullshit creek to wake you up.
the sweet smell of fuck shit to get those motors running.
thats when you are open to making a change.

scars give you character
broken bones heal and grow stronger
experience makes you a teacher
knights don’t get a sword and armor until they are trained

even tho this job is bullshit,
and lord knows i chase the wrong wolves,
i am always constantly creating a plan for a better tomorrow.
i’m here,
ain’t i?

it took a real fucked up journey to get here.
it hurt like hell,
and i got the scars to prove it,
but all these experiences have taught me how to be a stronger person.
i just need to remember to tap into that strength.
i keep forgetting where i came from and how i got here.
as my cousin hybrid said to me the other day:

“these people obviously forgot who i am”

he didn’t get there off top.
he had to go through his own set of shit to even utter those words.

look my safe person is dead.
i’m all alone trying to find my way.
i’m still searching for myself.
still trying to find my truth.
i want a place amongst the ranks.
to shine like a bar of gold.
it will be found.
homer-laughingonce i do,
life will be much more interesting.
the same for you as well.

13 thoughts on “There Will Always Be Pain In Your Process (Finding Happiness)

  1. We all fall but get back up stronger and wiser from that fall. Things are going to get better for you.

    P.S. I know the foxhole isn’t there physically but we are here for you, you’re not in this alone.

    1. Yeah, we’re here for you, and care about you Jamari <3! I know it doesnt replace having someone physically there to help out and call, but we love you just the same!

      But see, the problem you might face is you said "I am still searching for myself".
      Don't search for what's already there! There's nothing to find, because whatever you're looking for is ALREADY in you!

      What if you are already ARE in the place amongst the ranks, but you're looking for something that was designed for someone else!

      IT will not appear randomly at some point because you already embody IT and anything that would make you successful (or cause you to "fail", but failing is usually the beginning of success, because it means you've begun the journey), some things just come with time.

      Trust the process, and don't beat yourself up man! You are ALREADY successful, it just needs to manifest itself in the forms that you want (money, status) but those things just come with time and a lot of grinding!

      1. ^d!
        thank you so much!
        I really appreciate the time you took to write this.

        ever so often someone leaves a comment that not only I needed to read,
        but Someone lurking within the shadows.
        thank you for being the person who posted that today!
        blessings should be arriving at your front door soon!

      2. Of course J! Hope this makes it easier for you, and anyone else reading.
        Your blog helped me a lot when I was a lurker, and the comments were always so entertaining and insightful.
        Its a daily reminder for myself as well, so when I’m telling you these things, I’m reminding myself because I find myself relating to your posts and feelings about things.
        We’re in this together!

      3. ^See Dignified, I’ve ALWAYS subscribed to that notion. Don’t go looking for love/happiness because you won’t find it. You’ll find nothing but substitutes. IT will find YOU. Whether it’s a person or a situation, it will come to you. I was in an 8-year relationship and I thought she and I were happy…but outside influences that were not happy with their situation decided to interfere with ours.

        They started to sow the seeds of doubt, and that made me realize that if she had to question things about me that she’d known better than anyone for YEARS (we were friends before we started to date)…I didn’t know HER! Once that relationship ended, I never went looking for anything serious again. I’m content with my life and situation right now. People ask me, don’t you want to get married or another girlfriend? I say hell no…I’m headache free! LOL

        A lot of people feel that they need another person in their life to validate them in some way…and that’s not the case. You don’t need a person in your life just to say you have someone. When a person does that, in a strange way they’re opening themselves up for disappointment. They’re accepting a substitute because the real thing is not there…yet.
        I refuse to accept cubic zirconia when I can get a diamond! LOL

        Your happiness comes first and foremost. No one else can do that for you. Once a person accepts that…they won’t settle for that substitute, they will wait for the real deal.

        I have a tendency to ramble on, so I hope that makes sense! LOL

      4. I agree Christian! Put the energy out there and it will come back to you!
        I am still learning the lesson that if we put out the energy of lacking something, we will continue to attract lack, or negativity!
        If there’s something you want, you have to either go out and get it, or be patient and put forth the right energy and allow things to fall in place as they may.
        The question I always try to ask is; “what am I DOING to MAKE this happen?”
        What are the steps to make it happen?
        Its not always an easy process, I still want someone, but NOT JUST to have someone, I want someone because I believe I’m in a place where I’m ready for it, but maybe I have more work to do.
        I still have to figure out what I need to do to make that happen, or maybe its just not my time?
        Either way, I’m not DESPERATE to have someone because I’m afraid to be alone, Ive been alone all my life, so I’m comfortable being alone, but its time for a change of scenery, so I’m trying to improve other areas of my life one step at a time to align my life with my goals.
        Everything else will come with it!

  2. I don’t think true happiness actually exist per se, but I do think you can find pieces of happiness whether it’s getting money, eating chocolate, or getting fucked. Or better yet I think happiness is short-term whereas sadness is long-term

  3. You did it again Jamari, such a great post. I feel you on this post because I look on Instagram and Facebook and see people I went to school with getting married having kids, my cousins who are around the same age as me or younger having kids being in long term relationships, people I work with talking about their relationships and here I am at 25 cute and single. I just want to be happy as well. From my own experience this discreet life can be hard and frustrating so loneliness and unhappiness manifest itself on us because the dudes we like and chase sometime have women so that’s drama right there. What, I am doing now is just being thankful for my health, family etc and knowing one day everything will come out the way it is suppose too and the same will happen to you Jamari.

  4. I pray you find your happiness in life. I am working on my own journey. True happiness is vital to life.God bless

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