I’ll Have That Peace of “Rock Bottom” Please!

gas still off
window still broke
i haven’t had a haircut since the dark ages
landlord giving me the run around
surviving off the little food/juice i have
toaster oven and hot plate are the move right now

it’s a tough time in my world,
but it’s starting to be the calmest i’ve ever been as well…

for a long time,
i was trying to be like everyone else.
everyone else looked successful,
wore it on their social media’s proudly,
and lived these amazing experiences.
i wasn’t.
i mean do shit when i can,
but i’m also not wearing $600 kicks doing it right now.
my motivation to succeed was based on everyone else.
it was like high school all over again.
instead of gear,
or the cool cubs table,
it was…
well the same thing,
but just plastered on social media.
see that’s the problem.
basing our lives on others due to what they post on social media.
no matter if it’s a lie or not.
here i have this successful blog,
full of views and loyal readers,
but i’m pinching pennies to buy something to eat.

something must be wrong with me

after hitting this rock bottom,
i’ve started to realize that i’m right where i need to be.
weird,
huh?
well the way i’m starting to see it,
everything doesn’t always happen when you want it.
i thought i’d be working at this job,
the ceo wolf would live up to his promise,
and i’d be on a new playing field with the foxhole.
instead i’m sitting hairy on unemployed,
wrapped up in a parka so i don’t catch pneumonia,
and looking like,
“who shot john and ran?”.
i’m confident enough to say:

i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing

it’s okay to admit that.
all i know is i wake up and do it.
do this.
what you’re reading right now.
do the best that i can as i figure out how to turn water into wine.
i’ve cut off a ton of those i know because my focus was elsewhere.
i’m actually improving my self esteem in this “rock bottom” phase of my life.
that means change is coming.
a damn good change that i’m finally doing for me.

low key: this youtube video also helped me as well…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrkPUHUYJOk

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

11 thoughts on “I’ll Have That Peace of “Rock Bottom” Please!

  1. Amen to all of this. I’m literally in the same boat as you, but during this period, I’m learning to just be. Be still, be grateful for what I do have, be hopeful that this situation will get better, and be reminded that God has me. God will takes us through storms either to learn from past mistakes or perfect us for what’s to come. You just have to remain faithful so you can be lead out of the storm.

  2. You got this, you will get through this. If your not getting out, go chill with your friends if you haven’t. Network and figure out what you want to do with your life.

  3. Jamari I used to think in a similar manner. I have never been the type to have an active social life. It was so difficult seeing everyone around me going out, forming deep friendships with the same ppl that I see on a daily basis and yet I’m never apart of it. I used to think “why not me? when’s it gonna be my turn to do all the things that they are doing?” But over time I have come to learn that not everything that glitters is gold as the saying goes. The life that ppl lead on social media is what they want you to see- it’s even more controlled than a celebrity’s image. You don’t know how many of these ppl are buying $600 shoes, taking pics flexing in them, then returning them the next day or just flexing in the shoe store. We don’t know if that whip they next to is theirs or their neighbors, if that’s all they got and they living in a shack cause they only leasing a nice car or if they just going to events that their friend got them into b/c they can’t actually afford to go there. At the end of the day you’re only seeing a well crafted image that filters out all the details that life actually installed. It’s like a lawyer can explain an event in a way to make a guilty person sound like a victim, they a selecting when and where they take these pics and what goes into them to give you an image. So don’t compare yourself to them, just try to find the good things in your own life even if it’s a small victory like beating a red light (even though you take the train).

  4. Even in the darkest times you’re able to have to hope to see the light. I know it’s hard because you’ve been in this situation before but just like before God came through. If you’re able to come out of this with a better understanding of your self and higher self esteem then the experience was priceless.

  5. Amen!!! You break through is coming man. God is giving to test to make sure you are ready for whats next. Stay in prayer stay strong.

  6. Let me tell you. I ran into money problems. I went through some things some time ago…Got my water cut off (no toilet), barely had food in my fridge (cheese slices, crackers, tap water, electricity off, had to walk to work in the sun…(hella humidity), got harassed and laughed at while walking in the heat. Was depressed, went to a guy for consolement, got fu*ked and later dropped…But let me tell you, God brought me through!!!. Humbled me, and made me appreciate the Creators love. I still had my sanity I still had God and my hope and faith, proved stronger than my “poor status”. Keep hope alive and pray and ask for an opening, a redeeming intervention…It will come.

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