he was a good guy.
one of the nice ones.
like,
genuinely nice and warm.
we met on a site but there were no sparks.

just because there are no sparks,
that doesn’t mean i still won’t be friends with someone.

so even though he often tried to still hit on me,
i made sure to let him know i wasn’t interested.
he was cool about it.
when his mother died a year or four into our friendship…

over the weekend,
i linked with someone from my past.
movies but no “negro news” updates.
very “not trying to be seen” kind of vibes.
“together” and “the fantastic four“.
together was a better experience.

they came movie tickets and an apology i already healed from.
somewhere between the popcorn and a walk down memory lane,
they dropped a bomb:

the friend group we were in?
that’s done.
everything they did to me,
they eventually did to each other.

it always ends like that.,
doesn’t it?

there was another person i really f’d with tho.
“i thought”.
let’s just call them “the disappointment”
when i asked what happened to them,
one slip of the tongue changed everything…

*This content is intended for audiences 18+. By accessing this page, you acknowledge that you are of legal age and agree to view adult or mature-themed material. All stories, images, and commentary are fictionalized or speculative unless otherwise stated.

Subscribe to continue reading

Become a paid subscriber to get access to the rest of this post and other exclusive content.

Type your email…

Subscribe

Already a paid subscriber?

it feels like fewer people are using their brains these day,
but and isn’t it always easier to trap prey that isn’t paying attention?

those people don’t like you because you have money and access.
hell,
you could just be a warm and inviting person.
those jackals are just tolerating you and tbh:

they know you are going to fall eventually.

this is what ive been thinking about shannon sharpe.
in my head…

i don’t know if this has always been a thing,
or maybe my allergies are turnt TF up today,
but the bananas i bought the other day smelled…

i’ve realized that i’ve spent my entire life performing for family,
“friends”,
jobs,
and of course,
wolves i really liked.
the forest was my stage and everyone was my audience but in reality:

the more i performed; the less i found myself being accepted and respected.

many people didn’t stick around as much effort as i put in.
once they left,
i still found myself performing for their approval.
i wanted people that don’t even matter to still see me in some way.
it caused me to be consumed by the dark arts of the performance,
all the while making me doubt myself in where i stand in my life if i wasn’t “the star”.
as i have been healing many parts of me that are broken…

…this week,
after a lot of soul searching,
i asked myself a question:

What are things about me that makes me a bad partner?

i was honest with myself about my red flags…