my lips were usually the trap.
they wanted these lips sliding up and down on their hard pipes in secret.
next was the fact that i was different.
“soft“.
“quiet“.
two things i thought were weaknesses were actually what made their dicks hard.
“i think i can explore my curiosity with him”.
lastly: i wasn’t acting like a hoe because i was comfortable in my innocence.
they sniffed out that i liked other males even if i didn’t know it yet.
that is how it begins:

An assumption wrapped in desire and a fantasy they could never say out loud.

they recognized something in me that they saw in themselves,
but when things started getting out of control…

Disembodied (adj): separated from or existing without the body.

watching “queer” last night,
i realized i was the main character with a twist.
i never financially paid for another male but i did pay emotionally.
lee (played by daniel craig) had me in my feelings at 12 am.

at first,
i thought the movie was weird but as i watched,
i started to fully understand the story…

It’s interesting to me how we all have a story of an adult being inappropriate with us.

over the weekend,
my straight wolf was telling me about a teaching jackal from his old school.
this teacher was recently caught up preying on young vixens at the school.

“He would go over to these girls and demand a hug.
When they’d give him a hug,
he’d ask them if they were being good girls all while his hand was on their asses.
Wild shit bro.”

i stopped in my tracks and was like,
wait,
does this mean i was a victim of sexual assault too?…

you know what i think is sad?

People who have children but only did it because they were supposed to,
rather than actually wanting them.

when it comes to males who are forced into these situations,
or the ones who have kids to prove their straightness,
i have tremendous empathy for them.
it couldn’t be me.
a child is not a pokemon card.
you can’t trade it in once it slides out.

Sidebar: these vixens who have out of wedlock kids with these jackals,
but then get on social media to yell at us about how they are single mothers now.
The dick was good until it wasn’t.

when i was younger,
i never dreamed of wanting being a father.
i mean,
how could i?…

What do you do when the forests feels too loud,
too fast,
and too unfamiliar to your pain?

for about two and a half years,
maybe three,
i isolated.
i was dealing with…

i asked a friend that question today.

“When did the shift happen in your life?”

it didn’t come from spiritual twitter or seeing angel numbers.
for me:

It wasn’t the death of my mother.
It wasn’t Work Wolf or WW3.
It wasn’t the fallouts with “friends”.

nope…