the day before mother’s day,
i had this dream about my mother i can’t stop thinking about…

Have you ever felt like your life is lowkey under construction,
but you’re the only one standing in the rubble with no blueprint in sight?

i think i finally understand addiction.
that quiet but slippery kind.
it’s where you’re just trying to feel anything “other than”.
we don’t always run to crack.
sometimes it’s just retail therapy,
drink throughout the week,
subbin’ aimlessly to find the best onlyfans,
or racking up trophies through fucking.
anything to dodge the weight pressing down on your chest.
anything to avoid the silence where the truth lives.

i’ve been there lately.
not just emotionally,
but physically cornered.
trapped.
it’s like i’ve been living in a house with no doors,
no windows,
and just a constant draft of bad energy.
that house tho?
that is my current home…

Do men brag because they’re proud…
or because they’re hiding their true nature?

we can always count on a male to tell us how big his dick is.
the details won’t be spared on how well he plans to use it on us.
he’ll brag about how thick his wallet is and how flashy his lifestyle looks on paper.
at first glance,
it all sounds like confidence.
we’re blinded by the flex of the biceps or the wallet.
i’ve learned that true confidence is quiet tho.
all the other shit is performance enhancing drugs.
the moment we demand something real from him:

Support
Presence
A fuckin’ backbone

the mask starts to slip and what’s underneath?
it’s not not strength or not maturity…

Everyone and their mama has been asking me if i saw Sinners.

i haven’t but i do did plan to see it.
you’ll soon see how i fucked up.
many people i know,
including Foxholers,
told me go see it in the theater NOW.

“Yes sir!”

i forgot that i had a voucher for a free ticket to see wicked last year.
i never saw wicked in the theater because it came out on digital shortly after.
so i went to AMC and booked a ticket to see sinners for this week.

“70mm,” it said.

i heard this is how you’re supposed to see this movie.
uh,
no.
this is the part i learned that i fucked up…

Have you ever had another male say something so wild,
it made you do this face?

not only that,
you put them on the “i think he wants to fuck me” list?
well that was me and my face yesterday with mutual friends,
one who we have fonted about before.
he’ll be friend A in this situation and the other will be friend B.
so last night,
we were hanging out and friend A asked friend B,
RANDOMLY mind you:

“If you ever met a fine ass vixen and she had a dick,
would you still fuck her?”

this was me:

now…

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i was watching a twitch streamer the other day,
when someone asked:

“How can I become a streamer like you?”

and his response baffled me:

“Don’t try to be a streamer.”

it baffled me because i thought he was being an asshole.
when i sat and thought about it,
he was right…