when i have no direction,
The Universe literally takes the wheel for me.
I believe.

so i was laying in the dark earlier.
i’ve been fighting something trying to bring me down all day.
i had a nightmare last night that kick-started the bs.
on the positive,
i was randomly scrolling fandango and found 1 ticket for “endgame” later.
i should be happy about that,
but i wasn’t.
i made the mistake of scrolling through the big set up that is social media.
where everyone looks so perfect,
skin is poppin’,
outfits are red carpet ready.
here i was:
a slight food baby,
a little gassy,
nd breaking out on my chin.
i’m probably over exaggerating with how i feel inside.
i don’t feel sexy,
a list,
or even wanted today.
so i randomly found myself on keith powers page.
he was in my explorer page.
i saw he posted a video with this caption:

this is the video…

Continue reading “silence is where your answers are.” →

most of us can’t hold down one (or more) of the following:

jobs
money
relationships
friendships

we’ll turn up our noses at someone else’s struggles,
but forget we have struggles in other areas too.

“What about that male that just dropped you?
You just met him and after 2 months,
you are single again and looking for a new relationship.”

“What about that money you spent so frivolously?”

“what about yet another friendship that’s ended?
All these ex-friends have the same story about you…”

so i have another job that is probably on it’s last legs.
a side of me didn’t want to post about it.
i share pretty much everything,
but i was embarrassed about potentially being unemployed again.
it’s like being embarrassed about flexing about your relationship,
but it ends because your partner was cheating.
a foxholer,
who i don’t know if was being shady or not,
pointed out how i can’t hold down a job.
while it stung a little,
as i was insecure about it lowkey,
it allowed me to take a step back to figure shit out…

Continue reading “i can’t hold down a job” →

“nobody’s coming.”

i saw that quote today and it was some real shit.
one of those type of quotes that is a blunt reality.
most of us are waiting for:

a prince charming
“things to change”
a cavalry to come and wreak havoc on those who hurt us

the truth is they ain’t coming.
nobody is coming to help or rescue you.
i learned that with my life and even with the foxhole…

Continue reading “nobody is coming to help you (sos)” →

a good fox learns to stalk his live prey.
since we are the smallest within the forests,
we have to use tricks and cleverness to succeed.
i’ve learned how some of the biggest bitches operate.
if you observe them carefully,
they will show you glimpses into who their triggers.

a stroke of the hair
the swallow when in an uncomfortable moment
the glancing to the side when they’re lying

i decided to try something on my boss today…

Continue reading “a good fox hides in the grass long enough to learn the snakes” →

“I had my ups and downs, but I always find the inner strength to pull myself up. I was served lemons, but I made lemonade.”

i’m grateful for all the shit i been through.
i’ve been fucked pretty hard in my past that i’m almost numb to pain now.
i use to get depressed when things went wrong.
now,
i want to make a big pitcher of lemonade and indulge.

this could be before or after i make my enemies my footstools.
so i found out they’re interviewing folks to replace me…
Continue reading “more job bullshit; another tasty pitcher of lemonade” →

so i got this morning and felt crazy anxiety.
the question going through my mind was:

“Am I sick enough to go to the doctor?”

i didn’t want to waste my time,
but i still wanted answers on why i felt the way i do.
ugh…

Continue reading “i had to make up my mind to go to urgent care first…” →