as much as i am looking for love…
Will I know how to really love a male?
it’s a real question.
as you know,
i love a male who works out and has his bawdy right.
when i first see him,
i think of all the things i want to do to him sexually.
this might span over a course of 2 months,
give or take.
it’s very superficial in the beginning stages of any gay/bi relationship.
What happens past “I’m sticking around”?
when the honeymoon phase is over and the real shit starts?
the moment he shows he’s a human with feelings underneath it all…
Will I be able to handle it tho?
or will i go…
i might just.
i feel like i have this “idea” of what i want,
or play out “the fantasy relationship” in my head,
but it’s usually very sexual.
it might be the occasional “cuddling” and “date night”.
an actual gay relationship is some real shit.
it’s a lot of give and take.
i might even have to compromise without doing a heavy “fuck it”.
it’s seeing each other at our best and worst.
what if he is neat freak and i’m a messy?
what if he gets on my absolute last fuckin’ nerves?
what if he isn’t fully comfortable being with another male,
but he really wants to be with me?
what if he’s really fucked up emotionally?
there are other insecurities and inadequacies as well.
i’ve met some good lookin wolves that are painfully insecure as i am.
am i strong enough to have another male lean on me for strength?
will he take the time to understand my issues as well?
i believe that when you move past “lust”,
you have to start heading towards “love”.
you gotta love him and his dirty drawz.
he has to do the same to you.
there will be some good times and greater sex,
but that is such a small piece to a really large pie.
it’s some real shit to think about.
i’m not ready for a whole relationship yet.
it seems scary af.