am i really ready for that “love” thing tho?

as much as i am looking for love

Will I know how to really love a male?

it’s a real question.
as you know,
i love a male who works out and has his bawdy right.
when i first see him,
i think of all the things i want to do to him sexually.
this might span over a course of 2 months,
give or take.
it’s very superficial in the beginning stages of any gay/bi relationship.

What happens past “I’m sticking around”?

when the honeymoon phase is over and the real shit starts?
like,
the moment he shows he’s a human with feelings underneath it all…

Will I be able to handle it tho?

or will i go…

i might just.
i feel like i have this “idea” of what i want,
or play out “the fantasy relationship” in my head,
but it’s usually very sexual.
it might be the occasional “cuddling” and “date night”.
an actual gay relationship is some real shit.
it’s a lot of give and take.
i might even have to compromise without doing a heavy “fuck it”.
it’s seeing each other at our best and worst.
what if he is neat freak and i’m a messy?
what if he gets on my absolute last fuckin’ nerves?
what if he isn’t fully comfortable being with another male,
but he really wants to be with me?

what if he’s really fucked up emotionally?
there are other insecurities and inadequacies as well.
i’ve met some good lookin wolves that are painfully insecure as i am.
am i strong enough to have another male lean on me for strength?
will he take the time to understand my issues as well?
i believe that when you move past “lust”,
you have to start heading towards “love”.
you gotta love him and his dirty drawz.
he has to do the same to you.
there will be some good times and greater sex,
but that is such a small piece to a really large pie.
it’s some real shit to think about.
maybe,
i’m not ready for a whole relationship yet.
it seems scary af.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

8 thoughts on “am i really ready for that “love” thing tho?

  1. J.Fox you talking some real Shit tonight, that a lot of us are not ready for. As we said a million times already on here, so many of us are hung up on looks, body, dick size that we base our relationship standards on these criteria’s before we look at anything else that really matters. Most of us really have not seen healthy long term gay relationships and many not even in our str8 families that we have no idea how to navigate one. I know a couple of couples in long term gay relationships but they are really not what I would consider a real relationship as the partners sort of do their own things and seem to be together more for the sake of appearances and finances. You gotta be ready to put in the work if you want something real in a gay relationship.

  2. I honestly flip flop between do I want a relationship and being okay with being alone. I think one of our problems, the gay community, is that we don’t have a lot of positive examples of love even black gay love is scarce so I don’t really know how a relationship between 2 men that’s not either just friendship or sexual would actually work especially if we aren’t comparing it to heterosexual relationships.

    Now don’t get me wrong I’ve felt love for a guy, it wasn’t returned but still felt it, and I’m sure it’s not that hard to love somebody as they love me but I’ve yet to really experience what that’s truly like. Which is why when you said you gotta love him and his dirty drawz I legit was like, I gotta like the foolery as well or how does that work. lol

    1. I agree with your last paragraph completely. You gotta love a guy with his flaws. The problem is, it seems alot of dudes flaws are much greater than the positives outside of sex. But I do know I see flaws before anything so maybe Im the problem.

      1. That’s because the sex is too soon. Once you get the ass/dick, the conquest is over…and MANY guys lose interest.
        I personally don’t want a relationship. Been there, done that (females). I’m cool with chillin, date night, and sex on the go now.
        If it happens, it happens. I’m not looking for it though.

  3. I agree wit Ronnie in flip flopping. Some days I love being a single thot and others I wanna feel real love. Like you Jamari I used to get caught up in the physical. But I can say that now I look at personality in greater context once the lust wears off. And once that happened I realized alot of guys just aren’t dateable to me. Although I’ve never met a guy whose personality trumped looks I dont think he exists for me. I feel like u can honestly never truly be 100% ready for a relationship. When it happens u jus gotta go with it and learn as you go.

    Admittedly I only came out a couple of years ago so I always feel a lil insecure in that I dont have the dating experience of my peers. Then I see some of these couples that I know and they’re so toxic and mismatched I realize well damn they don’t get it either.

    I’m giving up dating guys in my city, the gay population is middling and they are subpar overall. It’s part of the reason I’m moving to ATL next year, I’ll be SOL dating wise if I stay. I feel like I’m ready to date just to have the experience if anything else. I’m no where near perfect, but I’d be willing to love a guy if we match up well and he actually showed interest beyond sex. Easier said than done I guess. Yet seeing some of these couples and knowing how fucked up the guys are I’m like come on give me a break lol.

  4. The outside is what attracts you but it is the inside that holds you! Experience here, A relationship built on sex will never last. A relationship built on mutual respect, enjoying being together, same goals in life, makes a person more attractive everyday. Mutual attraction and love makes sex beautiful each time because you want to make him feel good and he wants the same for you! I love being in a relationship.

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