Dear Jamari Fox,
A few months ago, I was introduced to your blog and instantly became a fan. This is the first black gay blog that I have ever been exposed to and I’m here for it!
I am emailing you to seek your opinion on love. I once believed in love until all my recent encounters with men. I have dated within and out of my race (Black). Dating within my race, I end up with a men who don’t know what it is they want out of relationships, has problems with their masculinity, massive manipulators. Dating outside of my race, I end up with two good healthy relationships but we just did not connect on a cultural level. Personally, I believe it is hella important to have that cultural connection in a relationship.
I don’t think I ask for much in a relationship. I want someone who is honest, supportive, trustworthy, lovable, and someone who is ambitious on reaching success (whatever that looks like for them).
To make a long story short, it has been hit or miss even with the guys close to my age and older. I’m aware the problem could be myself, the people I attract, or both. I don’t want to just give up completely on love but… 🤷🏾♂️
I battle with if it is possible to find black gay love? Find someone who doesn’t lie, manipulate, cheat, or intentionally try to hurt you? Maybe you will have some answers for me because I’m sure someone has posed this question before me. Can’t wait to hear your response.
thank you for the compliment!
so let’s get into it.
A majority of black gay males don’t know what “love” is
kinda out but in,
some black gay males are really difficult to love.
we can’t do something some of us never been taught to do.
most black gay males come from very toxic and abusive situations.
and bullies can do a number on us.
we end up attracting what we “know” into our adult relationships.
we have held onto that hurt and expunge it every chance we get.
i often ask myself in regards to the black gay community…
Do black gay males really love each other?
we have an idea,
but most of us don’t execute it well.
i’ve seen a lot of black gays love tf outta beyonce or nicki.
it’s only because they help some of them tap into that inner “diva”.
but it’d be nice if we showed that same support to each other tho.
blacks are known as a very “crab in the barrel” culture.
being gay can be much worse in that barrel.
we gotta deal with the straights and other gays pulling us down,
while the others stand above laughing and knocking us down even further.
it’s a lot.
we’ve mastered the art of dragging each other,
or learning how to suck the soul out of a dick,
but most of us lack the traits to truly recognize and give love.
we have it confused with fuckin’ like we love each other.
if you’ve noticed,
being gay means to be very sexualized so that’s how we express “love”.
we express it so much that we end up rode hard and hung up wet too.
so before we start fonting about finding “black gay love”,
the rest of the community needs to get it together.
we would be so powerful if we did.
i believe you know what you want,
but the ones you attracted didn’t.
some of the gays in other races have different up bringings,
but they were taught in a bubble and be culturally ignorant.
they gotta pop that bubble and re-learn how their privilege effects “us”.
i hope your “next” will want to experience love with you.
they might need to be taught and open to it.
the walls have to be brought down until they see the light.
many of us are ignorant and need to be led to understanding.
we all have to start somewhere.
keep your head up and i hope you find what you’re looking for.