accountability | september 7th


superheroes usually bore me.
i’m not a fan of the “captain americas” and “wonder womans” of the comic world.
i have always been a fan of villains and antiheroes.
they always have a cool backstory and their costumes are usually dope af.
it’s usually someone who was hurt or bullied and their trauma turned them “bad”.
the only superheroes i actually love are batman and spiderman,
both are conflicted with their own trauma and loss.
batman could be a villain after his trauma but he struggles to be different.
last night,
or this morning rather,
i woke up out of my sleep for whatever reason.
at 5 am,
i started watching one of my favorite batman movies…

“Batman Begins”

whenever i’m down,
i usually watch that movie for a pick-me-up.
the underlying theme in the movie is fear.
bruce wayne suffered from fear until he found himself and his purpose.
his training with the league of shadows was to help him confront his fears.
even the scarecrow’s power was to use people’s fears against them.

these last couple of weeks,
i’ve been dominated by many fears in my life and mind.
it’s been silent suffering from fomo and feeling like i’m going nowhere.
money has been really tight and i’ve been feeling this fear of being doomed.
i had to send this to my family,
and on my social medias being my most transparent:

i had no energy to write about my accountability or anything for that matter.

In the movie,
a young Bruce Wayne falls into a well where he births his fear of bats.
From there on,
he found himself in situations where he was fearful…

i fell back asleep halfway through the movie and had a dream i was in that well.
something was telling me not to freak out or scream.
i felt the urge to be still with all of my current fears.

bruce’s father said to him once he was rescued:

“Why do we fall?
So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”

i don’t like to admit when i’ve fallen.
it’s because of that perfectionism and trauma within me.
i was doing everything in my power to feel good but i made myself worse.
i’m accepting that i’ve fallen so i can reach for my “why“.
the “why” is my life is missing because these current times haven’t been kind to many of us.
many of us are struggling and it feels like no one is there to pick us up.

 I want to lay in my recent fears so I can confront them.
I’m ready to climb back up again.

if you have fallen,
try to sit and confront everything that is bothering you.
you can’t climb when you have heavy baggage on your back.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

2 thoughts on “accountability | september 7th”

  1. You just gave me a completely different outlook on that whole series. That movie was about conquering your inner fears. Wow.

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