aaliyah’s death was truly a butterfly effect for many of us

perspective.
i’ve been listening to aaliyah’s “one in a million” album since its release last week.
it made me listen to other 90s teen r&b around that era too.
if you’re on the ig foxhole,
you can tell i’m down the rabbit hole with my stories.
aaliyah’s 20th death anniversary was yesterday and i still cannot believe its been that long.

My mother died the same year.
9/11 was the same year too.

even through all those events,
i’m still here even when i thought i would have killed myself a long time ago.
of course,
with any death anniversary,
i went down the rabbit hole of aaliyah’s short life and death.
i saw this clip of dame dash,
her ex,
from an et memorial special yesterday…

…and a thought crossed my mind that might be controversial but…

Aaliyah’s death shaped our lives and we didn’t even realize it.

just like my mother’s death did as well.
if my mother didn’t pass away,
i doubt the foxhole would even be a thing.
the friends and people in my life,
the wolves i’ve met along the way,
would be non-existent too.
everyone’s lives would be shifted since many of our life experiences tied into each other.
the foxhole and my supporters are tied into me and my journey.

It’s like the butterfly effect theory.

butterfly effect theory: a property of chaotic systems (such as the atmosphere) by which small changes in initial conditions can lead to large-scale and unpredictable variation in the future state of the system.

i didn’t know aaliyah,
but i loved her and her music.
without her passing,
i wouldn’t be here writing about her and the impact her death left on all of us.
my mother worked at the airport for one of the same planes that crashed into the twin towers.
she died months before that,
but if she was alive,
how would that moment in history affect both of our lives?

I don’t know.

…but it’s truly a mind fuck.


rip to aaliyah.

…along with Mum and the lives lost during 9/11.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

4 thoughts on “aaliyah’s death was truly a butterfly effect for many of us

  1. I remember being in middle school and not understanding 9/11/ I never heard of planes crashing into buldings. Aaliyah passing didn’t make sense. She was the biggest star in the world to me.

    I truly cannot imagine how life would be if she was alive. She had that je ne sais quoi. She wasn’t trying too hard. She was EFFORTLESSLY cool.

    Last night I was telling my friend how she was perfectly cast as Akasha (AMC is doing an Interview With a Vampire series). She was otherworldly.

    I’m sorry Jamari. but ‘everything happens for a reason’ never flew for me. I think MUSIC would be better if Aaliyah were still here. And I think your mother would have been proud of you. The world keeps trying to stamp you out and you refuse to stay down.

    I think life is more about accepting terrible things than saying they were “meant” to happen. I don’t appreciate Aaliyah’s music more because she died. I appreciate it because she was so unique. WHO was Aaliyah inspired by? It’s like she was pulling from the future!

    Anyway, all you can do is live your life in a way so that you can tell your mother all about it someday. I refuse to believe that this life is all there is. Where does Deja Vu come from? How do we meet certain people and get along like we’ve known each other for lifetimes? Why do others hate our guts and try to sabotage us?

    The more “science” tries to explain, the more we realize how little we truly know. Rest in possibilities. Who knows how life would be had these 3 events not occurred? I’d trade the foxhole for your mother being here and i think everyone would agree. But you took the pain from that, from StarFox and made something beautiful out of all the pain. Never doubt that you deserve to be here. You could have isolated, kept to yourself and the world would be starved of your unique viewpoint.

    You’d have still touched the world in another way, just differently.

    1. ^i love this comment!
      it’s so profound and i won’t lie,
      i cried reading it.
      i don’t know WHAT is happening to me but i’m very emo today.

      when my mother was alive,
      i tried to take my life many times and was on paxil.
      it made me a zombie.
      when she died,
      i was sad but didn’t feel all the emotions i felt i should have.
      during her funeral,
      i felt nothing.
      i was sad but it was a different like of energy.
      since i was under her insurance,
      once that cancelled,
      i had to abruptly get off and that shit was tough.
      that is when i got addicted to weed and neediness for (the wrong) people.

      my mother was planning on moving us to florida.
      she put in a transfer to move there to be closer to my uncle.
      i think it worked out because his life went haywire years later and he wouldn’t have been able to take care of my sister and i.
      i honestly don’t know where my journey would have taken me if i was alive but i highly doubt it would have been this website tbh.

  2. Every time I think of Aaliyah’s death it brings tears to my eyes. When news got out that she had passed I remember sobbing and crying my eyes out. She was one of my favorite artist and I grew up listening to her. I instantly became a fan the moment I heard her voice for the first time. I can only imagine what could’ve been had she still been with us. Her presence is definitely missed and it sucks that she’s no longer here.

  3. Just to think of the last 20 years we were robbed of her potential and the greatness that could have been. It will always be a tragedy because of not just the circumstances (and the other people that was on the plane who died rip) but simply by just looking at the quality of work she was doing in 2001. Each music video released was like nothing we had seen before and none of her contemporaries could match. The album transcended the current teen pop and neo soul landscape. She was a true artist and if she would have had proper management and a record label truly behind her then she would have had bigger success during her hey day. She was in her own lane. Just a pity!

    Rest In Peace to your mom. Losing a parent is like losing a piece of you and it can take years to adapt and cope with what’s left. I know your pain very well. ‘hugs’

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