i always tell people that when a loved one dies,
your spirit will always remind you.
there are some years you may forget but on birthdays,
or death anniversaries,
you’ll suddenly remember out of nowhere.

“ooooh,
this is why i’ve been feeling so moody.
it’s “such and such” death anniversary…”

some years,
you’ll keep it moving because you are in a good headspace.
when you are going through a lot,
the sadness feels heavier even though it’s years or decades.

love never dies even if their physical isn’t there anymore.

as you know,
i’m dealing with a lot in this new chapter.
i’m grateful for everyone who reaches out to uplift and check in.
every year,
like clockwork around memorial day…

i bet you they were planning on celebrating big for new years.
boxing wolf,
anthony joshua,
is probably still on a high from winning against the paul jackal.

the praise be praising
the lust be lusting
the new coochie be coochieing

who knew that after a week of bliss,
anthony joshua would be going into 2026 in pain:

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from a tragic car accident and losing his two friends…

one of my fav male soul singers is d’angelo.
sometimes,
i play his first album because of the feeling it gives me.
his remake of “cruisin” puts me in such a good mood.

his second album brings back so much nostalgia.
don’t even get me started…

on the video that was one of my gay awakenings as a kid.

from the lips,
to the chiseled jawline,
to the bawdy (a bawdy he was actually uncomfortable with)
he was a gorgeous and soulful black wolf.
imagine my shock,
after posting that last entry on x-twitter…

you know what’s wild?
i was looking for a *cough* project *cough* the other night,
and randomly stumbled upon one of mr. cali’s older projects.
i said to myself:

“I haven’t seen him in a long time.
I wonder what he is up to?”

…but then,
something happened and i forgot to go research.
my foxy senses are CRAZY because a Foxholer sent me this update last night…

This is not what I wanted when I said I wanted to be present for this new year.
Of course,
I step onto Elon’s social swamp and on day one of 2025,
I’m hit with the grim reminder of just how fragile life is.

it took me back to NOLA in 2020 for mardi gras with one of my best friends.
bourbon street was intense…

a breakup
a job loss
rejection
the death of someone close to us
setbacks that make us question our path
being ostracized from people we thought were our friends/family
struggling to accept not being straight
being violated and no one wants to listen or believe you/sides with the abuser

all these unwelcome guests can open the door to depression.
one moment…