i woke up this morning and saw 7 missed calls on my phone.
they were all around 6 am.
it was from mi’s aunt.
i felt a fear come over me.
“Is this it?
Is this the call?”
mi has been on my mind lately.
when i called,
all i heard was her aunt screaming.
this is when i started to pace around my apartment.
i pace around my apartment when i’m worried.
i’ll walk around my kitchen to the living room in a complete circle.
i couldn’t understand the name,
but once she got it out…
one of my favorite memories of my childhood was watching shows with my little sister.
one show i remember us watching together was keyshia cole’s reality show on bet,
“the way it is”.
it was like one of our many “brother/sister” bonding moments tbh.
it was better than that fuckin’ spice girls shit she would watch on repeat.
we both loved frankie who was keyshia cole’s mother.
even though she was an addict,
and be super emotional like typical cancers,
she had a really good and infectious spirit about her.
she was literally the star of that show.
so you know i was saddened when i saw this news this morning…
“I’m about to cook,
but Ill call you later,
on the 27th,
back in 2013,
those were the last words i ever heard star fox say to me…
i cried for ashley cain over the weekend.
but i’ll font why.
ashley cain was the mtv reality bad boy who seemed to have changed his ways over the years.
he was a thirst trap kang,
especially showing off that major tail of his,
but it all changed once he had his daughter.
when azaylia diamond cain came into his life,
she really complimented the new “ashley cain”.
it saddened me to learn azaylia was fighting a battle with leukemia upon her birth.
i know how that can go because my mother battled and passed from the same disease.
i follow ashley on his snapchat and he was really active in showcasing that journey.
he spent many days and nights in the hospital,
even working out quietly when she was asleep.
i really was drawn to his dedication on helping his daughter fight for her life.
i haven’t seen ashley in a while.
he didn’t post anything on snap and i was wondering what he was up to.
i’ve been dealing with my own life so i fell off from catching up.
i got a notification on my phone on sunday with the sad news that he posted on ig…
even if it’s porn,
people have started legit careers and become legends in their fields.
i’d like to think that is what we all strive for.
in whatever fields we go into,
we do our best so that we become respected and open doors for those behind us.
we can’t look down on people because they aren’t in “respected” fields.
Sex work is something we all have enjoyed at some point in our lives.
i’ll be the first to admit that I’m not familiar with gay porn wolf,
after doing the research before i wrote this entry,
stories like these trigger me,
especially when you see the journey of someone dying with cancer.
i watched my parents and many of my family members die of various cancer.
they go from looking really healthy to becoming skin and bones in a matter of seconds.
i was sent many pictures of kyle goffeny‘s twin,
as he battled having colon cancer.
seeing his pictures broke me.
his brother lost his battle a few days ago…