i’ve realized as long as i’m in this living situation,
i’ll never get anything done.

when i font that i’m at 10% battery levels of burnt out rn?

my internal battery is on low power mode.
it’s been so bad,
the front of my hair broke off due to all the stress i’m dealing with.
it is always something in chaos agent’s lair.
i tried to plan a day of relaxation for 4th of july,
but of course,
some shit went down to disrupt my plans.

the reality is…

i am so fuckin’ tired of everything right now.
i’m not sleeping because i’m waking up at 2 or 3am.
it feels like i’ve been having to code switch but in reverse.
i gotta be fake AF in the process because i’m walking on egg shells,
only because i can’t be honest without some unnecessary blow up happening.
so i’ve had to agree with things i don’t like/want,
smile when i’m actually annoyed AF,
and say “yes” when i really wanna say “fuck nah“.
all of that takes a lot of energy tbh.
don’t even get me started on the surveillance and the pocket watching.

it’s been legit hell.

…but it has been a huge learning lesson for me.
i’ve been here for 6 months and it has nothing but tests,
but if i’m gonna be transparent,
it’s been consequences for my actions too.

as stressful as it has been,
this situation taught me a lot.

4 more weeks tho.
4 more weeks.

lowkey: thank God i’m not a drug addict or alcoholic.