you can’t control the car that’s about to crash

i did it with work wolf.
i did it with many others i once knew.
it was the last card i pulled in hopes to see where we stood.
i figured it would save me when i felt i was gonna crash.
i still maintained the most injuries in the end.
it makes me cringe when i think about it…

when i felt insecure about a relationship/friendship/whatever-ship,
i’ve asked:

“Will you ever leave my life?”

…or a variation of that sentence.
rose-colored glasses were usually on during this nonsense.

they would usually respond:

I’d never do that!”

soooooo none of them did what they said.
in fact,
that question seemed to have been a foreshadow.
for the last few days,
i’ve been having thoughts about my past expereinces:

When I felt shit was not going to go well,
I tried to get control of the situation through reassurance

when we’re feeling insecure about something,
we try to find ways to prove ourselves wrong.
the thing is:


if you feel confident about something,
you don’t need any kind of reassurance about it.
if you know it’s not gonna work,
you start bracing yourself for impact.

 these days,
i live a different life with a whole new thought process.
it’s one i should have a adopted a long time ago.

not for nothing,
but i feel embarrassed when i think about the things i use to do.
i shouldn’t have let some of “them” get away with what they did.
that part is what really bugs me.
their last impressions of me was that of “an insecure dumbass”.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

9 thoughts on “you can’t control the car that’s about to crash”

  1. This me. With my ex…smh. Insecure, but I had every reason to be. If your SO doesnt feel you are worth the effort to help you get thru that, theyre not worth staying with.

  2. As you get older, you start to realize that actions speak louder than words. When you’re young, you don’t think about that stuff. You feel your boys are your boys, and your SO is there for you as well…and a LOT of the times that’s not the case. They’re in it for what you give them, or what you can do for them. Others may see the signs and try to let you know, but you’re caught up in the “glow” of having them around that you don’t see it…or don’t want to see it. My father was always one to catch on to these things, and he would tell me and my brothers “that dude ain’t your friend” and that person would prove him right later on down the road.
    People will say things that they know you want to hear. It’s up to you to be able to distinguish the bullshit from what’s genuine. that’s where the action part comes into play. A person can tell you anything, but if their actions prove otherwise, good or bad, you can make the determination of whether you want to continue to deal with them any longer.

    1. Yes Christian,

      Very well said dear friend. I’m still learning this . I believe because of my optimistic outlook on life and people. I’m so stunned that others often lack the basic empathy, or consideration to be “Decent”.

  3. It’s part of the growth process. As you get older you find that your time is valuable, and you don’t allow anyone to waste it.

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