i did it with work wolf.
i did it with many others i once knew.
it was the last card i pulled in hopes to see where we stood.
i figured it would save me when i felt i was gonna crash.
i still maintained the most injuries in the end.
it makes me cringe when i think about it…
when i felt insecure about a relationship/friendship/whatever-ship,
“Will you ever leave my life?”
…or a variation of that sentence.
rose-colored glasses were usually on during this nonsense.
they would usually respond:
I’d never do that!”
soooooo none of them did what they said.
that question seemed to have been a foreshadow.
for the last few days,
i’ve been having thoughts about my past expereinces:
When I felt shit was not going to go well,
I tried to get control of the situation through reassurance
when we’re feeling insecure about something,
we try to find ways to prove ourselves wrong.
the thing is:
WE ARE USUALLY RIGHT ABOUT IT
if you feel confident about something,
you don’t need any kind of reassurance about it.
if you know it’s not gonna work,
you start bracing yourself for impact.
i live a different life with a whole new thought process.
it’s one i should have a adopted a long time ago.
not for nothing,
but i feel embarrassed when i think about the things i use to do.
i shouldn’t have let some of “them” get away with what they did.
that part is what really bugs me.
their last impressions of me was that of “an insecure dumbass”.