i am attracted to emotionally unavailable “straight” jackals.
i have the guts to admit my faults tho.
i seem to have a thing for males who love mixed signals.
they are showing signs of interest to get you wrapped up.
it’s like they barely even know you.
once they need something to feed on,
they are right back to me.
after my string of disasters in my “lust” life,
i came to that conclusion by breaking down my biggest mistakes…
work wolf was the definition of emotionally unavailable.
even as a “friend”,
he would treat me like pure shit.
i was sure he was interested in me,
but now that i think of it,
he was just enjoying the attention that i gave him.
his days were spent desperately looking for a vixen to be with.
he enjoyed our moments because it was the affection he wasn’t getting.
once he found someone,
he would leave me alone until that ended in disaster.
they always ended in disaster.
when i look back to how he treated vixens,
he did the same thing to them.
i wasn’t a special snowflake as much as i thought i was.
i started to find interest in someone who had similar traits 2 mercury retrogrades ago.
he was much bolder with his interest in me.
i played it cool and let him do all the heavy lifting.
he was the typical curious jackal that always falls for me.
our communication was always non-verbal.
the way he would stare a hole in me when i saw him
the way he would try to get my attention when i didn’t pay attention to him
so i started to play along.
he played himself trying to ghost me one time.
i ended up ignored TF outta his attention and messages.
even though i let him lead,
and i kept my guard up,
the problem is that i got emotionally attached.
that is always a big “no-no” with these types.
sadly we have stopped speaking on his terms,
but the “what ifs” and “why’s?” of our situation are always on my brain.
am i an idiot for thinking there could be still “something” even still?
i’m an idiot.
i’ve realized i chase these kind of wolves due to how i was raised.
my parents were emotionally unavailable to me.
they would love bomb and then proceed to gas light me.
i chased them for their affection so with these jackals,
it sparks a familiar pattern.
many gay males experience this with jackals as well too.
out or in the closet.
we can have amazing sex,
but its the emotionally unavailable that we always remember.
i have always spoken about the dangers of emotional attachment.
that’s worst than physical because sex can be a fleeting moment.
The longing for someone toxic once they aren’t there anymore is the most dangerous.
we have to avoid these emotionally unavailable mixed signally jackals.
when we find ourselves making excuses for their behavior is the first red flag.
the second is this hope we can “turn them out” for a happily ever after.
it won’t happen and even if it does,
they will end up driving us crazy with the mixed signals.
they’re no good for us and don’t deserve the pedestal we placed them on.
low-key: God is still working on me.
i’m still liable to fuck up,
but i’m working to being more in control with these wolves.