karaoke sent me a text message today of why she loves me.
it made me smile even tho i was a little down.
“you are a great person”
“anyone would be proud to have you in their life”
“you are very attractive and people have crushes on you as well”
i often send cheerful positive messages at random to people,
but when its sent to me on random,
i am usually left with the:
i am my own worst enemy.
i have become use to my mind making me a human punching bag.
instead of high lighting all the good things,
i go straight to thinking the negative about me.
you know what makes me jealous?
people who can simply overcome things just by positive thinking
i mean how does that work?
how does one think positive and change their outcome?
its like i try it and fuck up somehow.
i’m starting to think i try too hard.
i need to try to simply let go and keep on climbing my mountain.
that big beast…
i noticed that when i think about something and let go,
i usually get an answer from the universe pretty quick.
its the big things that i dwell on,
the ones that take my power,
are the things i have the most trouble with.
i know i’ll never be perfect.
i guess i’m still living in the world when my parents were alive.
when they tried to live perfectly.
it got to the point i was scared to fuck up.
scared to be alone.
ever since star fox died,
i have felt a part of me died with him.
i have realized that i’m the problem.
its not that i’m a hyena or a jackal,
i just haven’t allowed myself see the good in me.
my mind is constantly betraying and bullying me.
i need it to stop.
as of late,
i’ve been feeding my mind with positive snacks.
the law of attraction is the biggest one.
its hard to follow,
but i totally get it.
“whatever a fox thinketh, so be-eth”
…so maybe i do just need to relax?
or tell a new story?
everyone in my life is saying it.
work wolf included.
its just not getting through.
i’m always quick to listen to the self defeat thoughts.
i sit at that table and i’m so over it.
i’m still a work in progress,
but lets face it,
a fox needs some new tools.