this is why you got outed and couldn’t understand why

you want to read one of the biggest reasons the dl get outed?
this could be universal tho.
everyone who plays the following game gets exposed
so i’ll font this…

i’ll add this for effect:

that’s the main culprit that gets folks caught up out here.
it has happened to me before.
it’s not the best feeling.
you meet someone,
they claim you’re “so cool and so real”,
and ya’ll start chatting and getting to know each other.

your end:

“wow,
he’s legit my type.
bawdy is crazy.
i think i’ve finally met the one.
he hits me up and asks me how my day was.
he is interested in knowing more about me.
no one has done that before so this feels new.
i’d fuck,
but i want him to see differently than the other gays.”

his end:

“i’m feeling him and i like his conversation.
i want to fuck but i don’t want to make it obvious.
ima keep talking to him so i can get him comfortable enough to make the first move”

when something happens that exposes the real agenda,
he gets turned off and suddenly starts acting funny.
that’s know as the “ghosting”.
a heavy “fuck boi” way to handle things.

you don’t act interested,
keep things real vague,
but get confused because someone felt lead on.
some gay and bi males want companionship too.
you don’t claim someone is a friend and bounce.
either before or after sex.
that whole process before that means:

Talking to someone

that whole “i’m not looking for someone”,
but the actions are completely different is the issue.
so when the “ghosting” and “bitch made behavior” starts,
folks get angry and want to start exposing.
cut it the fuck out.
this is why i think folks need to be more upfront.
my mistake not asking:

“What are you looking for?”

…and not sticking with that.
if you want my foxhole,
then say so.
if that’s all you want,
then say that too.
they’ll be no “texting at all hours” to get to know me.
if i want something more than that,
he isn’t the one so “see ya”.
the moment he fucks your brains out,
and he doesn’t want anything more but you do,
that always activates “the mess bout to start”.
most males need to learn how to communicate a lot better.
that will save a lot of hurt feelings and outing clean ups.

lowkey: some may have gotten outed because they entertained a whole demon.
they ignored all the red flags because the sex was good.
womp.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

17 thoughts on “this is why you got outed and couldn’t understand why

  1. This is all so true! One of my favorite lyrics of all time comes from Jasmine Sullivan’s “Bust The Windows” when she say “you can’t just play with people’s feelings tell them you love them than don’t mean it” even though the L word is a bit more than what we’re discussing here that line rings so many truth bells.

    This guy at my job is always staring at me, and finally one day he interrupted my conversation with my coworker and from than we always speak, say hello, and he’s always winking at me and what not. I always avoided him as we spoke about on your previous article I do not talk too seemingly straight males but cause he spoke to me 1st and is always going out his way to be in my face I speak back and it all seemed to be going somewhere and I was so close to asking him hang out after work but than yesterday he comes to my station and doesn’t speak. So I go up to him and say “hey” he replies “hi, I’m just here to speak to Destiny.” I’m sure he could see the surprise in my face as I say “oh”. I stepped to side to allow her to pass. They hug and he begins kissing her neck in front of me. I could have died in that moment and than he doesn’t even say bye. He just walks right past me and out the door. Now I don’t ever want to speak to him again but of course we gotta act unaffected by that stuff and carry on as our hearts grow colder by each “straight” that plays with the strings.

    1. ^WHOA!
      he is high key disrespect.
      i’m mad he did all this at work.
      when that situation blows up,
      i hope you get the last laugh.
      cancel him and never look back if he comes back.

      1. Right! And yes cause you know it will. What’s crazy though is I just remembered this girl talks to another guy at the job who’s openly bi. So my head can’t even begin to wrap around what is up with the guy who pretended to like me.

  2. Also Jamari. I came at you crazy some months ago idk if you remember but I do apologize and I love your blog, I never stopped reading I was just upset about some of your views on things but thats neither here nor there. Again I’m sorry.

    1. Ikr! It had been awhile too that we kept staring at each other hut I never speak seemingly straight males 1st. He came all up in my face. And I’m already not all that so I don’t get hit on a lot but I definitely can tell when sm1 is feeling me and he was into it but idk what his problem is.

  3. It took me a bit of reading around and observing to discover what a f**kboy actually is. I lost my virginity to one of those. I’ve never thought if outing anyone. As oppossed to my younger days, I am very upfront with folks but now I have also adopted a cancellation policy. I cancel present actions before they become “future problems”.

    I’ve mentioned several times on these posts about those types of “straight” dudes and why to avoid them. I ran across one before at my job who was flirty & we talked and when I would text him, he acted “occupied” or sent me a text but always wanted to go out to eat with me at work. He said a lot of questionable comments eluding sex. I eventually got tired if him and cancelled it. I really don’t have time to play tag with grown men. I’m trying to advance. I don’t need the pitstops. You feel me?

    As far as me and guys are concerned atm. I’m not really dependent on a “boyfriend” or dating so this isn’t an issue with me anymore. I’m focused on my goals, and my passions. I have no problem getting attention with guys but I have a lot of screening and the fact that I can spot B.S. very quickly makes me a little intimidating for most (or called uptight).

    Before I get chased with flaming torches, I noticed that a lot of non f**kboys or guys that actually act right are usually outside of my race.

    I’ve never dated a white guy but some of them can make you feel lovely ( there are those fetishy ones…you need to watch out for though.)

    I’d probably be open to dating a Middle Eastern guy (maybe) or Asian as well. You really hardly ever hear of f**kboy Asian dudes.

    But f**kboys can come in all shapes, colors and everything so it’s a toss up if you aren’t aware.

    Anywho, this was a nice write up. I hope you continue to remain positive in all your endeavors.

    1. ^are white and latino wolves the wave?
      maybe even biracial?
      it seems like there is 98% fuckery in the black community due to black males and their ignorance.
      i hate to be that type,
      but i’m noticing a trend.
      i’ve alpha said some black males are the “white males” of every community.

      i’ve put a pause on dating to concentrate on my goals.
      i got more important things to worry about without some fuck boi up in me.
      if someone comes along that i can vibe with,
      cool,
      but i’ve stopped searching.

      still remaining positive and i hope you’re doing the same!

      1. Black men are quickly becoming the most self hating group of people on the planet, and I thought Asians had that spot on lock.
        My recommendation would be to keep your distance from anyone who seems to have an issue with who they are. Don’t waste your time deciphering what a guy’s looks and behavior mean. If he’s not making an effort to get to know you and spend time with you, keep it moving. A lot of guys have hang ups about their sexuality and will do the most to convince themselves they are not gay. All these Instagram fitness dudes who love to put their booty on display aint fooling nobody. They are advertising for other dl dudes. When you are posting photos and videos of your ass, and other men are posting “💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾” in the comments, I know what’s gonna go down behind closed doors.

    2. Dont believe the hype there DL fuckboys in every culture, and race. The only way to avoid the “straight but messy dl” guy is to start talking to men who are out. Out doesnt mean no discretion it just means being true and walking in your light

    3. I had a feeling you were too good to be true. Whenever someone starts going on about aura, essence, chakra……I wait for the reveal. I cannot with you Instagram & Tumblr philosophers. You repost a deep quote and think you have life figured out.

      As far as Asian fvckboys, Asian cultures are very private. So a guy cheating, his girl likely wouldn’t know. I am a Science major and the majority of my peers are White & Asian.

      There are very many Asian fvckboys. And don’t believe the stereotype. They are lazy just like anybody else. They’re just better at acting. I have several Asian dudes who want my draws and I pay them no mind. They think telling me they voted for Obama and hate Trunp makes them ‘down’. They code switch around White people and use urban slang with me. I always reply with proper English and they try to joke that I’m bougie.

      No, my people were brought here so I’m going to learn English better than actual Whites. I have the Black strike against me. And they see greatness and want to align with it.

      They also know how to take credit for your work in Academia.

      All boys ain’t ish. Start dealing with men.

  4. I think there are many reason why someone decides to out another so it varies, this is definitely one of the reasons I hear I think the best way to avoid this ( for the person who is hurt) is to talk to someone who is openly gay or bisexual or be willing to accept that you’re not going to get all of that person in the ways you want. Think about it you talk to someone on the DL or curious or whatever there’s is a good possibility that person isn’t going to want to be seen with you in public or really date or anything depending on your personal level of masculinity., but if this person is everything you want physical and sexual, you have to ask yourself ” Will I be ok being a booty call in the late nights or only seeing him at my place or vice versa?” ” Am I ok with with only getting a certain part of him if it means I can get sex or companionship on his terms?”

    1. ^gorgeous answer.

      it’s weird,
      but later on down the line,
      you’ll see that dl fully out or at least comfortable enough to not be an asshole.
      some mature quicker than others.

  5. I have had Church Wolf, Work Wolf, Friend Wolf and School Wolf so much that I make them spell out out. We gone be friends, friends with benefits or fuck buddies? Like you said Jay, I don’t have time for the all night convos because you know I’m featuring you at the moment. Don’t send me your work out pics to show your progression that just HAPPENS to have yo hard dick in the shot. Stop giving me the play by play of the chick you fucked last night with focus on how she couldn’t take yo dick because it’s SO big. I mean, what in the ENTIRE FUCK!!?!!! Then, get pissed when people question why we always kicking it. Or I just thought you were cool people.

    The worst one by far was a Church pseudo Wolf that I had to “gather” for making inappropriate remarks about one of our ministers. Dude gone tell me he don’t get why we beefing. If anything we could have “something” on the side, as he doesn’t discriminate when it comes to “getting off”.

    A close second was a school wolf whose got hard the moment he walked in my dorm room. We did the movies with him paying. He called my parents house looking for me during summer breaks. For all intents and purposes, we were dating, but the moment I mentioned feelings or his sexuality, “I ain’t gay. You the only nigga I ever fucked with like that.”

    Then, there’s the friend wolf that is uncomfortable with me discussing his dick or sex acts with the chicks he fucking…when he’s sober, but will bring up his dick when drunk. Dude actually told me that if I had tried to get at him when he was drinking and smoking on a regular basis, I would have had a shot.

    Just because I like dudes doesn’t mean your approach to us being friends has to take the flirtatious, sexual innuendo route. Just be you.

    1. ^ I.
      FEEL.
      THIS.
      10000000000000%.
      you have put my “lack of” dating life into font taylor.
      i am screaming at how true this is.
      i’ve been in every scenario and it’s the PITS.

      i tried to shoot my shot at gay males.
      nope.
      the dl and curious tho?
      they love and flock to me.

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