The Great Battle at The Work Wolf Divide

tumblr_mliktgQi0I1rwuqzto1_500straight wolves are weird.
they have so much rules about their sexuality.
anything to make them look “gay” is absolutely forbidden.
its like a laundry list.

-must watch sports
-never wear bright colors
-don’t hug for too long
-only get dogs
-never watch shows with women as leads

-emotions are a no no
-blink twice; inhale once in-between

its like they have these rules set up to be “straight”,
but often do something else to make you say “hmm”.
is there really things one can do to be “straight” or…

…Is it all bullshit?


work wolf and i have been going at it a lot.
chaka-khan-o
some of it his fault.
some of it my fault.
its always something with us.
we have good times when we hang out,
but when shit hits the fan,
we are going toe to toe.
every time we get into an argument,
the first thing he says is:

“my pineapple,
i don’t argue with dudes like this.
i don’t even argue with my hoes like this.
i never argue with other dudes.
only about sports scores and other shit…”

it usually isn’t an argument.
9 outta 10,
its a disagreement.
we aren’t cursing at each other.
we just don’t see eye to eye.
lets say it was an argument between friends

…Two men can’t do that??

well according to work wolf,
they can’t.
only couples get into disagreements.
only “the hoe” sends texts to explain the point.
i guess two straights will box to solve their issues?

aJC4Jdeits weird because left,
who is 100% straight,
and i would go at it.
he would tell me to do things i wasn’t going to do.
i would let him have it.
often vice versa.
he never said the things work wolf would say.

“you are too emotional…”

…says the work wolf who is also emotional.
i guess since he is straight,
his “emotional” is set up different than my “emotional”.
he avoided all contact with me,
acted like he didn’t see me in the hall,
and threatened to end our friendship this afternoon.
…but i’m the emotional one?
a6e210a9a5f0c44af73cd0a8b7415095
the biggest issue with work wolf is you can’t tell him anything.
he is so use to being in control and avoiding any kind of confrontation.

“i only go through this shit when hoes start acting up.
this is when i start cutting them loose.
you gettin’ me?”

nah i don’t.
i don’t get him.
for him to say he gonna end our friendship on some trivial shit tho.
i didn’t disrespect him in any way.
for him to say he doesn’t do certain things,
but then crosses the line with sexuality,
i found this all very contradicting.

Maybe one thing is better than the other?

like most straight wolves,
he is very emotionally immature.
no one has time for that shit.
i think its time we take a much needed time out.
its starting today.
i’ll go first.

rihannawalk
lowkey: its funny how i’m wrong,
i guess because i’m a fox,

but he will be right because he is “straight”.
i guess it works different in “gay and straight” friendships.
i’ll always be wrong even if i’m right.
is it wrong to say if our friendship ended,
i would be devastated?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

42 thoughts on “The Great Battle at The Work Wolf Divide

  1. This is how “straight” men work. Honestly, I think they treat their male friends better than their girls. There’s so many petty rules, it got tiring 😒

    Let’s start naming some. Don’t roll your eyes, don’t be “switching”, don’t cry or argue, play sports, don’t hug other men with both arms, clothes can’t be a close fit, don’t be too nice/soft, keep your hands off hips 😁

    1. ^don’t watch scandal
      never buy candles
      you cannot have a pet for a cat
      never listen to female singers
      never buy female albums for the music; just for the art work
      beyonce is only for gays

      …more?

      1. Only get female massagers.
        Two dudes don’t go to the movies together.
        If they do, keep a buffer of at least one seat.
        Don’t sit on the same side in a booth (restaurant)
        Go grocery shopping together.
        Talk to other dudes while using the urinals in the men’s room.
        Or look at ’em..lolol
        No Homo
        Anything that falls out of the realm of “The Man Zone”

  2. It always cracks me up when pineapples claim that only women and foxes are emotional, when I’ve see so many of them get all up in their feelings on some small shit. That’s bullshit if that was the case they wouldn’t have tear ducts.

    There’s nothing wrong with being emotional, it seems to me that’s you two are both really passionate about you two get into it about (maybe a little stubborn) and when 2 passionate people get into it can blow up big. Maybe some time apart will be good just to be able to relax.

    P.S. He’s most likely thinking “mmmm I’ve never got into with a dude like this before maybe there is more to this friendship that I’m not will to admit?”

  3. This is my theory:

    Black men have been emasculated by slavery and Jim Crowe that they feel they have to abide by some strict rules to reaffirm their masculine. This yields the requirement for black men to put on the hyper masculine facade.

    Now it seems like you can’t stray from these mores slightly without black men screaming “effeminM&Mization of the black man”. Many black men aren’t taught to have security in their own manhood but rather mask their insecurities and take it out on others, especially those who rather not conform to those more.

    1. ^opm.
      you are so smart.
      i loved reading this.
      you are right.

      it all starts with growing up.
      we are taught not to cry or talk about our issues.
      its very annoying how cold most straight wolves are.
      keeping problems all bottled up until they explode.

      1. The sad thing is that a lot of gay dudes are conditioned like this as well. I like masculine men but I can’t stand a man with insecurities like that. Uh uh

  4. There has always been this debate “Can men and women be friends?” meaning can they keep it strickly platonic with out one or the other catching feelings or come at each other without it feeling more like a relationship rather than a friendship. Maybe the same can be said here “Can a gay man and straight man be friends without it feeling like a relationship.” You two blurr the lines and cross the boundries of friendship quite often in your interactions with each other. That makes it ackward on both ends. It leads you to question the dept of his fondness for you. Leading you to wonder is he more into you than he admits. On his end he is often interacting with you as if you were a female. He is having discussons with you that he has never had with any other male friend. I can see how confusing for him it might be if you are his first “gay” friend and his intentions are to be homeboys and its feeling more like “boyfriend/girlfriend to him. If both of you continually blurr the boundaries of your friendship and keep dipping your toes in the relationship pond it is always going to be ackward and you two will continually argue about the crossed lines. Like you stated more or less, you should probably back off a little and give each other space.

    1. ^you’re absolutely right paul.
      i’m going to back up,
      but i will admit,
      its feeling so hard to do.
      smh.

      i love that i wrote this and can get intelligent answers.
      its been bothering me for a while.

      1. Just bite your tongue and let him talk his talk. Everything he tells you doesn’t always need a reaction or an opinion. If he ask for your thoughts or opinion be honest and give it if not just smile and say “interesting”. That way if a line is crossed he asked for it.

      2. ^and see thats my problem.
        i can admit i always give a reaction or an opinion.
        he started out liking it,
        but now its causing us to argue.
        maybe i went too far?

        i will take your advice in this new change with him.

      3. He knows that is a part of your personality but too much of a good thing can get annoying. For instance I like to hear Fantasia sing but after a while of growling and screaming in a song it becomes nothing but growling and screaming that your paying attention to and I am clicking for a more mellow of a song.

      4. ^you know what?
        you are preaching to me tonight.

        will taking a break cause him to walk away from me tho?
        i think my lowkey fear is he won’t come back to our friendship.
        i actually like him in my life.

      5. If you don’t walk away he wont walk away. Don’t ignore him, just adjust how you deal with him. Remember he doesn’t want to feel judged by you. Your the person he can take off his mask with. You don’t have to agree with everything he says or does but you don’t have to make him feel all bad about it all the time either. Some of the bad things we do we intended to do casue we wanted to be bad and when we tell a friend what we did we’re not telling them to be called on it but just to show our other side. Like we all gossip and keke with friends and talk bad about others but if our friends always made us feel bad when we do these things would we want to hang around them or tell them our business?

      6. ^paul…
        thank you so much.
        i can see where i went wrong now.
        i can admit my crush on him made me turn to the left.
        when he threatened to stop our friendship today,
        i felt like i did fuck up.
        we didn’t walk to the train together.
        it was different.
        the energy was different.
        i hope this new change i will do can help us get stronger.

  5. Do like I do when someone comes at me with that BS. I tell them…I like what I like, I wear what I wanna a wear, and I do what I wanna do…because I take care of MYSELF! Limit yourself based on societal BS if you want to. Not me.

    A dude had the audacity to try and clown me because I had on a pink dress shirt one day. Real men don’t wear pink he said. I said young man, you’re trying to clown me when you are wearing clothes that are dirty as fuck and too small for you and you look like you are in serious need of a haircut. And real men don’t show their ass for other men to stare at….’cause you better believe GIRLS/WOMEN aren’t the ones looking at your dirty ass drawers. I heard a girl in the background said true dat. LOL

    Like so many narrow minded people, they allow themselves to fall in that category where they think men don’t do this or that. Who gives a damn?! if hey want to limit themselves to what they feel is acceptable…they will miss out on a lot. Their loss, not yours! Work wolf is pushing you away when you get too close and make him “uncomfortable”. He is too proud to admit that he might like some of the things that you do, but since it’s attributed to a gay lifestyle (at least in his mind) he’d rather resist…and push you away temporarily. He’ll be back so do your thang in the meantime.

    1. ^hell black men look GREAT in pink dress shirts.
      it really compliments our skin tones.

      men can be so stupid,
      i swear.

      i agree on what you said about work wolf.
      it made me sad and question myself because i felt i was doing something wrong with him.
      so now he is drifting away and its got me feeling like i did something wrong.

      1. You can’t let his insecurities make you question yourself and your actions. He needs to be appreciative of what he has in his life and stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking. It’s interesting when I hear about some of the things he says and does, because it reminds me of my best friend at times. We would be tight one minute and he’d look for an excuse to argue and push himself away…then he would come back. He always came back. It was frustrating as hell because he had me thinking something was wrong with me and had me questioning my actions/behavior. So at one point I got seriously pissed and we had a long conversation. He said that it scared him that I was open, honest, and genuinely cared about him. He’d never had a friend like that before and he was just waiting for the moment I would flip on him and look to get something in return. I told him man I don’t want anything from you other than your friendship. If you can’t be a friend to me just as equally, we can walk away right now and call it a day. From that point we were the best of friends until he passed away.

  6. In all fairness, some gay men are more expressive with their feelings and that can be strange to men that internalize things 90% of the time until they blow up. I’m a prime example.

    He’s right in the sense most straight men usually only argue passionately over sports, money, or in some cases good pussy…unless they’re intellectuals that like to debate in general.

    That feminine energy some argue draws him to you is a double edged sword. You think he treats you like he would a woman he’s into, but he feels like you nag him like one too.

      1. No you’re young! This is your first time experiencing this type of relationship. No matter how this one ends, you will know what to do the next time around:)
        This is your practice lap my friend. The race has yet to begin. This is the time you make the mistakes and mishaps. You are focusing only only this one person, when in reality there are going to be many, many, many wolfs!

        This is the time you hone your seduction skills:) Figure out what works and what don’t. When to strike and when to draw back! Many years from now you will look back on this experiencce with Mr. Wolf, and ask yourself” what was I tripping about” To be continued! Like the movie ” angels in the outfield” we are always watching!

        Love you J’

  7. I think everyone left great comments what I would say is give him space, and don’t argue with him all the time. Jamari do you think it’s time to tell him how you truly feel about him and if you do, do you think he will walk away from you.

  8. J, speaking of str8 wolves have you seen the latest bullshit on twitter o new rule add? Twitter change their like button into a heart so now the str8 wolves are saying they can’t like another dude’s tweet without seeming gay. I tell you str8 wolves are fucking dumb as shit.

  9. I feel the need to point out something that I see as overlooked. While you claim that it is “straight” men that go through this, it is something that goes beyond sexuality. It is men in general–gay, bi or straight–who subscribe to this. B/c ours is a culture that promotes the hyper-masculinity of males. It’s seen in many cultures and with the addition of media (television and music specifically) the image of the super macho is glorified and hyperbolized to an extreme.

    Most men are raised that the “rules” that you posted are how men are supposed to live and show little emotion. Only find passion in things that show virility and machoism, real testosterone enhancing activity. And yes, while we are now attempting to move from that the standard ideal is already set and in the minds of most males now.

  10. You tolerate way too much disrespect from this nigga, friend or not. Stand your grown the hell with being devastated, you deserve more than what you are tolerating. He says he accepts you for who you are but still displaying Hyper Masculine and Homophobic behavior towards you. You need to carry your balls and put your foot down. This friendship is becoming toxic, he still thinks being Gay is wrong but accepts it in your presence because he consider you his friend. He judge other Gay men under a homophobic lens. I wish some fucky boy who calls himself my friend, who knows my sexuality, would say the stuff work wolf say to you.

  11. Brilliant post and responses. You have taken an incredibly complicated emotion – that it appears many of us have faced – and simply expressed it in only the way you could….and further, in a way that illicits some of the most outstanding and meaningful dialogue the fox hole has seen… I love this place. I love you guys. Prior to, my existence was a lonely one…not since walking into this forrest…

  12. I couldnt exactly get my thoughts together to respond to this on yesterday. Those little pesky rules, I tell ya, I have lived by them and with them for so long and I am just tired. This past weekend which I documented about a couple of entries ago was a mini wake up call to me to say “F” the rules. Either you gone see I am a kool ass down ass friend or you or going to worry about what everybody else says. I have lived my life worrying about what others say or think about me and the only person unhappy was me. I still got a ways to go because I am still uncomfortable around gay dudes in straight settings but at the end of the day you got to do you. It is like you have this I got to walk on eggshells kind of friendship with work wolf, I have one with someone right now and I am tired of walking on the eggshells, tired of being guarded and watching everything I do around them as to not make them feel uncomfortable or push them away.

    That “Im gone end our friendship” thing was gay AF, like who does that, this dude is a different breed of straight man. I can already tell like most straight dudes when you really get to know them, you find out that are big old babies who are very emotionally needy and they dont have the capacity to handle the emotional bumps and bruises like gay men do. He is not going anywhere, he is emotionally connected to you and I think it makes him resent you in some form because of the power you have over him. I think when you all have the cool off period, it time to do some real talk about these juvenile outburst he has from time to time.

    Shoutouts to OPM and Paulyrical, these cats were dropping knowledge.

  13. ” I can already tell like most straight dudes when you really get to know them, you find out that are big old babies who are very emotionally needy and they dont have the capacity to handle the emotional bumps and bruises like gay men do. ”

    This is what I’ve noticed too. I’m an expressive person, but not an emotional one, so its funny because these straight men are so sensitive its unreal. You can’t say anything out here without them getting in their feelings about their masculinity., Yet I’m completely unaffected by these things, yet I’M less masculine purely just because I’m communicative? (logic, where art thou?) lol When I figured this out, that was the last time I let a bunch of idiots who know nothing about identity put a label on MY masculinity or any part of my identity.

    How masculine can you be if you’re questioning your masculinity all the time? (<<this is what I look for when Im determining if someone is masculine or not, not the typical forced "macho/hypermasculine" pseudo masculinity that is painted as real masculinity; masculinity is a mindset that is reflected through behaviours, not behaviours themselves)

    If you're masculine or straight as you say you are, then stop talking about how masculine or straight you are and BE masculine.These super specific rules are for people who are pretending to be masculine. Like yes, i can agree with some of the rules to be considered masculine (wearing a dress is feminine), but if two dudes can't go to the movie together and sit beside each other without someone's masculinity being endangered, then you're not as masculine as you think. IJS.

    Work Wolf is like these straight men that I'm talking about. Jamari, don't let this man get in your head like that, he doesn't know enough about what it means to be masculine in the true sense let alone being gay to make you feel any sort of way about your masculinity.

"off topic", trolling, and other nonsense gets sent to my spam folder. other than that, play nice and let's discuss!