The Feeling of Being “Here”

I feel un-satisfied.
And because of that today, I feel like I want attention.
I guess one can say I am feeling like a brat.
I figured write out my feelings and maybe someone out there could relate…
… or I just talked to myself and, yeah.
lol…

Janet Jackson’s “The Velvet Rope” just went off…
I swear she is speaking my life in that album…
and now Frank Ocean’s mixtape playing…
Listening to this music has got me feeling like I want more.

Don’t get me wrong, I am blessed.
Things are moving in a positive pace.
About to pay off some bills that have bogged me down for over two years.
I am grateful to have a job that  keeps a roof over my head.
I have my site and you guys who check me out every day.
But, my soul feels empty.
I feel like I am missing something…

Maybe I need an adventure.
Maybe I need a man.
Although as of late, the yearning for a man is not my main concern.
One things for certain, I am feeling…. “here”.

Now “here” probably makes me sound crazy, but let me explain.
When I say “here”, I mean I am here in this moment but I feel like I have a weight on me.
I don’t know what direction to go in.
I’m just “here”.
I want to be over “there”… but I don’ t know how to get there.

I’d much RATHER b laying on a yacht with my man steering the shit.
Making sure he doesn’t crash and sink the shit, but he knows what he is doing.
I’m just laying out with a glass in one hand and a big “FUCK YOU” to all those who doubted me in another.

I’d rather be there.

But, I guess I need to find myself here before I can get there.
But why does here feel so lonely?
And why does here feel so confusing?

I don’t know anymore.
Let’s hope I can move on from here soon….
… because I been here for a while and I am ready to pack up and move on.

 

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

8 thoughts on “The Feeling of Being “Here””

  1. Today is my bday and I have been reveling in my new deminison of life. Getting familiar with it and the price that comes with it …being alone is my best time cause I can focus on maintaining my disposition; I don’t want crafty monkey wrenches to distract me from my progress and purpose. Ps…I can’t appreciate Gods presence when I’m always surrounded by my peers

  2. you may feel this way now but i bet one of your friends gona come over and yall gone shoot the shit and talk for hours. then your gona forget this feeling and remember your never alone. hell when i have that feeling i open a good book and drink me some tea (with a shot in it ofcourse).lol. say Jamari i think you should do like a cruise for all your blogers when u get your millions

    1. ^actually,
      right after I wrote that entry,
      I got a call from a friend about a job opportunity I am thinking about taking.
      And we laughed and shoot the shit!
      lol

      but I would love to do a cruise for everyone in the future.
      pg-13 of course.
      lol

  3. Jamari it seems like you may need a partner in crime who has the same ideals. A friend, someone who is also in the “here” place. I have a couple people like that, with me being in college and stuff, but we are all in the “here” place waiting in line or for our time to be “there”. I think that when your in this place knowing other who are in this place gives you hope that there is coming.

    1. ^i agree Nerd.
      I won’t lie and say I’m not lonely and looking for a friend(s)
      who are doing the same thing as me and won’t be haters, un-loyal, or bad reps!

      I’m sure it will come soon since I am putting it out in the universe….

  4. That’s life I guess.

    Anyway, if I had a time machine, I’d travel back to when Adam Baldwin was in his prime and get some satisfaction, if you know what I mean.

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