the devil is trying to destroy me or is god trying to open my eyes.
one of the two has been turnt completely up.
i don’t know what i’ve done in a past life but…
so yesterday at work,
liar liar caught herself trying to yell at me in-front of everyone.
she was having some kind of power trip and went off.
i went into straight a bad mood because of that.
work wolf tried to talk to me in texts,
but when i’m in a bad mood,
i don’t feel like talking.
i just want to be left alone.
he came over to my section and was talking to liar liar.
i think that set me off.
he looked at me and in a low voice he asked:
“jamari whats wrong with you?”
i didn’t mean to snap at him.
she just got me so tite.
when i left work,
he wasn’t standing outside to wait for me.
i figured he left.
why would he even stay after that?
when i got in today,
he wasn’t there in the morning as well.
i got a little nervous.
when i got to my desk,
i texted him.
he responded a couple minutes later:
waiting for his response was agony.
i apologized for my behavior yesterday.
i told him that he didn’t deserve that.
i explained to him what happened and how mad i was.
he offered some advice.
i like that he is always still there for me.
in the afternoon,
i asked him if he wanted to go to dinner tonight.
“sure why not”
well right before i was about to leave,
he sends me a text telling me he has to stay later.
now i didn’t eat lunch because i wanted to wait until dinner.
i didn’t have an appetite for whatever reason.
this job is stressing me out so that might be it.
“i gotta stay with liar liar and a few other people.
we got a work assignment to finish.”
all i wrote was:
i got my shit and left.
he usually goes places with me,
but i was looking forward to tonight.
when i got to my stop,
my phone went off:
“sorry about tonight”
“its not your fault.
i’ll talk to you another time”
as i walked home,
i don’t like how far gone i am for work wolf.
i almost feel stupid.
he told me today that he is getting his own spot in a few weeks.
of course he invited me over.
this vixen he is talking to wants to stay with him sometimes.
he also didn’t want to admit he bought yankee tickets for them to go to a game.
he doesn’t like to tell me what he is doing with vixens.
i don’t want to feel like this for him anymore.
i want to keep him as a friend and thats it.
thats not going to be easy.
like i don’t know how to look at him differently.
its not like he isn’t attached to me.
hell he gets mad when i don’t text him back.
i’m starting to wake up and realize it just isn’t meant to be.
i don’t think i will win this round.
that could be okay.
hell do i even want to if it did ever happen?
i could see the friendship ending completely.
this could be for the best…
…so why do i feel so sad right now?
i don’t know what to do anymore.
i know that i don’t think i want to do this anymore.
lowkey: ^why can i relate to this damn song now?
all this time i listened to that song and NOW it makes sense.