tomorrow starts my new path on the mountain trail:

“i cum first”

as i said i would from the “no more mr nice guy” break free exercise.
today i have been in a reflective kind of mood.
for some odd reason,
i feel nervous about:

– putting me first
– stop care taking
– no more external validation
– change my thinking with affirmations/responsibility training

it’s like i’m already thinking ahead,
rather than staying in the present moment.
since the foxhole is my “safe person”,
i have been having a lot of slips.
i’ll tell you with what…

Continue reading “I’m Cummin’ Up To A New Mountain” →

i believe heavily in the law of attraction.
what you think about is what you’ll bring about.
ever since work wolf froze me out his life,
it has left me to do a lot of thinking.
what i didn’t realize is that it was actually a blessing.
when he left my life,
it’s not a coincidence i started seeing those angel number’s everywhere.

111
1111
222
333
444
1212

all of them all said for me to:

“think positive at that very moment”

okay cool.
so after i started accepting “what is”,
i was led to start reading,
“no more mr. nice guy”.
the last entry i wrote allowed the foxholer,
jay,
to leave a comment that would further more change my life.
he told me to…
Continue reading “The Power of Taking Responsibility For Your Sh*t” →

god always gives you signs.
it’s up to you to catch them.

i can admit now,
i was a little slow on catching the signs with work wolf.
in my memories,
i see the good times we had.
that is what makes me miss him.
i am now remembering the shit he did that hurt my feelings.
“since you been gone”…
i’m seeing the bad side of things.
bad enough i have to see him everyday.

so today,
something lead me to pick up a book i was reading.
“no more mr. nice guy” by robert glover.
it was a really good read.
i still don’t know why i stopped in the first place.
so as i’m reading the book on my lunch break,
agreeing with a lot that was being said in the first chapter,
i read this…
Continue reading “No More Mr. Nice “You Know What?”” →

last week was stress.

like…
where is the straight jacket?
so much went down that i felt i was about to lose my shit.
from:

the craziness that is my job
some shit that went down with work wolf
not being able to start my therapy

i literally felt myself falling off my mountain.
a mountain that i worked so hard recently to climb back up.
in a nut shell…
Continue reading “A Blessing Should Be On The Way (Optimism?)” →

that feeling when…
someone you were once cool with…
someone you had a bond with…
someone you thought was different than the rest…
leaves your life with no explanation.
not only that,
but they act like you don’t exist to them anymore.

they turn their head as you walk by
tries to avoid you
suddenly becoming distant and closed off

they hold what you did wrong as their own secret.
no way can you even explain yourself or even fix the issue.
everything is left unsaid.

that is my relationship with work wolf as of this moment.
it would be better if i didn’t have to see him everyday.
the silent treatment brings back many memories for me…
Continue reading “How We Hurt Others and Not Even Realize It” →

i am not a hoe.
i.
am.
not.
a.
hoe.
now i have “ho-like” tendencies,
but you already knew this.
if you are going to try and pass me off as a street walker,
i do require 100% of all profits i generate.
it’s cold and daddy needs a new long johns!
room,
board,
and a fancy new wardrobe is also required.
i don’t “do” an episode of “hooker at the point”.
oh…
“bigger and blacker” = your american express.
i’m worth it.
don’t be cheap.
so not attractive.
whew.
i needed to get that off my chest.

okay,
back to the real point of this early morning entry.
lets talk about your heart.
some have forgotten where that is located.
you know,
since the thermostat is all the way down to “sled dog’s tits”.
for those who “feel” the bad shit that happens to them,
it is never fun to have your heart broken.
now…
Continue reading “Broken Hearts Leave Stains (Try Wearing Red)” →